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Old 07-08-2019, 03:05 PM
 
7,378 posts, read 11,546,048 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by retro_80s View Post
I was finally ready to have sex
If you text him that, I bet he comes back...
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Old 07-08-2019, 04:38 PM
 
Location: Hampstead NC
5,578 posts, read 5,093,804 times
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Yes, this is the current state of dating. People ghost all the time.

In retrospect, I think people have always done this when the lose interest. It was just less obvious without cell phones. We are always all up in each other's business now.
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Old 07-08-2019, 04:51 PM
 
10 posts, read 2,017 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
Yes, this is the current state of dating. People ghost all the time.

In retrospect, I think people have always done this when the lose interest. It was just less obvious without cell phones. We are always all up in each other's business now.
I get it but to spend all this money and time ( average date 3 hours), plus uber all across the city ( we live on opposite sides of a major west coast city) to disappear without even saying a word.
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Old 07-08-2019, 05:05 PM
 
836 posts, read 1,095,073 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
Yes, this is the current state of dating. People ghost all the time.

In retrospect, I think people have always done this when the lose interest. It was just less obvious without cell phones. We are always all up in each other's business now.
yes, sadly.

well it was harder to get away with in the past, when most people had to meet people in real life, or through friends, etc...where at least the guy had to deal with possibly running into you and the uncomfortable glare and the reminder of what a jerk they are, or maybe she'd talk to their friends or something, like "hey, what's up with ____?". I think it was probably more uncomfortable in the past, now it's like people can disappear easily without a trace and never have to see you or deal with the uncomfortableness.
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Old 07-08-2019, 05:17 PM
 
836 posts, read 1,095,073 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by retro_80s View Post
I go online to see is this a thing and apparently, it is. Ghosting is not just after 1 or 2 dates. It can happen anytime. Some say even after a whole year. Online stories might be the worst of the worst but this is so disheartening. Is it really that hard to break it off with someone? If you invested time and money in that person why can't you have the courtesy to at least make up some excuses to end things?

I feel like dating is a contest who can care less and we should assume they will vanish and plan accordingly. I literally have to date more than one person since at least one will do this stuff.

Is this really a current state of dating? Am I exaggerating? Where you ghosted after more than 5 dates?
yep. I was the same after I first started dating, going online to see if this **** happens to anyone else, and yep. seems that's just how guys are pretty much, sadly, which is one reason I tend not to like them, and stopped dating.

happened with 2 different guys after a month each (and of course they were saying and acting like I was so great.) not surprisingly, they're still single hahahahaha. this is one reason I kind of wish they would have reviews on dating sites, so at least people wouldn't waste their time on them, and they would have to shape up.

but yes, sadly it does kind of make you not want to care. bc even if you meet someone that seems nice and is into you, it's like well how do I know they aren't just glad to get someone to go out with them and isn't just looking for sex, and then I get exhausted and am like what's the point...I'll just stay home and eat ice cream in my PJ's with my stuffed animals...at least that's enjoyable. lol
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Old 07-08-2019, 05:24 PM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,255 posts, read 1,226,305 times
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If one is only dating casually, I don't really see the problem with ghosting. There is no obligation to contact someone to explain that you are not going to contact them again, in my opinion anyway. It's no different than not calling - or returning someone's call - back in pre-smart phone times. His/her silence tells the other person everything they need to know.

And if you are only dating casually and intending to move away soon, it would not be smart to get emotionally invested in the people you are seeing anyway.
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Old 07-08-2019, 05:32 PM
 
836 posts, read 1,095,073 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish View Post
If one is only dating casually, I don't really see the problem with ghosting.
I agree, like in the first few dates, when you just met them and are seeing if you want to keep seeing each other. But after a few dates, I would assume and think it's pretty obvious that you like and want to keep seeing each other, so that's when it gets more heinous the more you see each other.
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Old 07-08-2019, 05:35 PM
 
18,386 posts, read 20,122,996 times
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You are casually dating. You’re the one who seems to need the “closure”. He went on dates with you.....(assuming nothing was happening).....so he moved on. While I dint agree with ghosting there is no requirement to tell the person why you’re not interested.
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Old 07-08-2019, 05:52 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,630 posts, read 33,419,067 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by retro_80s View Post
So short story I go out with this dude 7 times. He was clearly more interested. He texted, double texted, was very nice etc. Not pushing anything out of the norm. Paid for every date and insisted he pays. And then nothing. After that, he just vanished.

Now I disclosed I am moving out of state at date 3 so that should not be a surprise or whatever. I was looking for something casual but not just hooking up at his place. And just as I was finally ready to have sex he decided to ghost me. Maybe he was looking for sex and ended up with someone who decided to go for it so there is no incentive? Still, have 7 dates and give up? I suppose he maybe didn't get the hint I was ready.

I go online to see is this a thing and apparently, it is. Ghosting is not just after 1 or 2 dates. It can happen anytime. Some say even after a whole year. Online stories might be the worst of the worst but this is so disheartening. Is it really that hard to break it off with someone? If you invested time and money in that person why can't you have the courtesy to at least make up some excuses to end things?

I feel like dating is a contest who can care less and we should assume they will vanish and plan accordingly. I literally have to date more than one person since at least one will do this stuff.

Is this really a current state of dating? Am I exaggerating? Where you ghosted after more than 5 dates?
So basically you disclosed that this would be a short term casual thing that wasnít going to be much emotional investment. Then you are upset that he treated it like a short term casual thing that didnít have much emotional investment by the way he ended it. Did I get this correct?

The emotional investment you say you didnít want to give but obviously have given is exactly why people find ghosting easier than dealing with the aftermath.
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Old 07-08-2019, 05:59 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,581 posts, read 70,482,002 times
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I'm wondering what the point of a short-term casual dating thing would be, knowing that it would only last a few months, or whatever. Is it just me? Maybe he felt the same way, and found someone he got along with well, who was looking for an LTR.

But in any case, I do think ghosting is rude. But OP, what if he'd called or texted you, that he'd decided that "casual, short term" didn't work for him, so he was moving on? What could you possibly have responded to that? There's not much one can say, other than, "I understand. Thanks for letting me know."
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