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Old 07-11-2019, 01:49 PM
 
Location: Middle America
36,859 posts, read 42,181,812 times
Reputation: 50862

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"This thread isn't about me! It's completely just idle curiosity with no personalizing or associated defensiveness whatsoever! And I will prove it by arguing its points from a personal stance for 18+ pages."

 
Old 07-11-2019, 01:50 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,652 posts, read 42,257,113 times
Reputation: 84111
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post

I am 31 yrs old......I've worked with abusive women in the past and the very bad *mistakes* they made...like babies at 21 or inability to support themselves when faced with an abusive relationship or a man who doesn't work... *mistakes* that changed their lives forever. Bad marriages are mistakes that change lives forever too......I left mine.....which is worse? I think staying is worse...it's making another big mistake on top of the 1st one.

My relationship is *not* a rebound....& strangers online should stop thinking they know me or him or our relationship better than I do. We are not kids with no life experiences between us......we both have pasts, we both have jobs, we both have friends, we both have made mistakes...and we both know we want each other.......sry that doesn't seem to be Ok with some people here.
You know, I would bet that most everyone here sincerely wants you to be happy.

All that wrong stuff you wrote about rebounds aside, I am kinda shocked at how badly you want to separate yourself from the women you've worked with. I know a lot of people who work with people with troubled pasts, and the common denominator is humility. They all know that "there but for the grace of God go I..." and all that, fully aware that only a few delicate circumstances separate us from those "downtrodden" people we are helping.

You seem very eager to distance yourself as if you are so above it all and in no way capable of making a mistake like so many of "those" women, so willing to dismiss your "mistakes" as no big deal when on paper they read like very big deals.

It's astonishing, really, to read such dismissive hubris in the context of charity work.
 
Old 07-11-2019, 02:01 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
You know, I would bet that most everyone here sincerely wants you to be happy.

All that wrong stuff you wrote about rebounds aside, I am kinda shocked at how badly you want to separate yourself from the women you've worked with. I know a lot of people who work with people with troubled pasts, and the common denominator is humility. They all know that "there but for the grace of God go I..." and all that, fully aware that only a few delicate circumstances separate us from those "downtrodden" people we are helping.

You seem very eager to distance yourself as if you are so above it all and in no way capable of making a mistake like so many of those women, so willing to dismiss your "mistakes" as no big deal when on paper they read like very big deals.

It's astonishing, really, to read such dismissive hubris in the context of charity work.
I dunno what you mean by "charity work"...I have a job. I am not trying to separate myself from other women or think I am above anyone. I don't know why you want to throw stones at me or my Bf or my relationship....but I know it's common in forums by the same group of people so I won't take it personally.......I know it has a lot more to do with your own feelings & life than it could possibly have to do with mine because you don't even know me.......

Thank you...if you really mean you want me to be happy...happiness to you too.........

Now...if anyone would like to discuss the topic....that would be awesome.......
 
Old 07-11-2019, 02:11 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,652 posts, read 42,257,113 times
Reputation: 84111
TL; DR:

Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post

I dunno what you mean...
I don't come here to "throw stones."

I come here because I've had a lot of problems and I have this very weird hobby of trying to use what I've learned to help people with their problems. Living through some stuff makes you able to easily recognize that stuff when you see someone else living through it.

Every once in a while we get people who have problems but don't want to hear real, non-sugarcoated advice so they call it "throwing stones."

I think it's great that you are so happy right now. Seriously. Just bookmark these threads so you can come back to and read them in approximately 14 months.
 
Old 07-11-2019, 02:25 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
TL; DR:



I don't come here to "throw stones."

I come here because I've had a lot of problems and I have this very weird hobby of trying to use what I've learned to help people with their problems. Living through some stuff makes you able to easily recognize that stuff when you see someone else living through it.

Every once in a while we get people who have problems but don't want to hear real, non-sugarcoated advice so they call it "throwing stones."

I think it's great that you are so happy right now. Seriously. Just bookmark these threads so you can come back to and read them in approximately 14 months.
I am sorry you have had problems, we all have a past & mistakes. Here's the thing tho.....you don't know me or my Bf or our relationship. You don't see it or feel it or experience life when we are together or know our histories or precautions. It's not the same as yours. You couldn't *possibly* predict anything. We are 2 intelligent adults with eyes wide open. We all know some relationships don't work out...we both know that from our pasts. We are not a couple of kids......we are adults making a decision that will only affect us beause there are no kids involved. You don't know about our pasts....or what we have searched for. I am the 1st woman he has asked to live with him in YEARS....that says *something* really important to me. I moved across the country to be here....that does too! Ofc a relationship can still fail........but we can cross that bridge when or if we come to it....& if it does, this thread would be the last place I would turn to...

Now...please, I really want to get to the topic & stop this personal stuff or attitude that you know my life, or his...better than I do. Thank you..............
 
Old 07-11-2019, 02:51 PM
 
Location: California
921 posts, read 253,139 times
Reputation: 2625
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post


Well you could say that about a lot of things that people enter into willingly because they believe the positives outweigh the negatives.

Being in a relationship, for example

Cons?

You have to look at the same person every single day.
You can only have sex with that one person every time.
You can't just decide to do something and do it - lose your autonomy.
You have to share the bed.
Your partner can get jealous.
You can get jealous.

etc etc etc

Of course there is more to it than that, and even people who get hurt repeatedly in relationships still seek them out.

That's just not a very enlightened thought process. "I don't want to because it's hard." LOL
Except that's not my thought process. If I wanted to do it, I wouldn't not do it because it was hard. There was already no chance of me being able to do it anyway. I don't have the emotional or financial resources to have a child. I also don't have any sperm, so it's just not going to happen lol.

I'll always push for the childfree side because society pushes so hard in the other direction. There are already a million voices out there screaming about how beautiful parenting is and how wonderful it is to have babies. Voices need to speak for the other side too. It might bother some people but if even one person stumbles across this thread one day and my words have some affect on helping them feel at peace with being childfree, it's worth it for me.
 
Old 07-11-2019, 02:52 PM
 
3,807 posts, read 3,030,488 times
Reputation: 7660
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Now...please, I really want to get to the topic & stop this personal stuff or attitude that you know my life, or his...better than I do. Thank you..............
I replied to the topic and that part of my post was ignored in your reply. Now that you've clarified in Post #177 that you've already made the decision not to have children -- which was patently unclear throughout most of the thread -- why do you still want to hear from others about their experience on this subject?
 
Old 07-11-2019, 03:13 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by CapsChick View Post
I replied to the topic and that part of my post was ignored in your reply. Now that you've clarified in Post #177 that you've already made the decision not to have children -- which was patently unclear throughout most of the thread -- why do you still want to hear from others about their experience on this subject?
Because I would love to hear experiences & opinions about childless couples....or "biological destinies"........or if they had made the same decision...or opposite....& regretted it. It was not to open up my relationship or me or my Bf on a personal level....to gypsy fortune telling...or to talk me out of my decision by strangers online who think they know better than I do about ME.
 
Old 07-11-2019, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Colorado
12,033 posts, read 7,407,885 times
Reputation: 21659
Quote:
Originally Posted by CapsChick View Post
I replied to the topic and that part of my post was ignored in your reply. Now that you've clarified in Post #177 that you've already made the decision not to have children -- which was patently unclear throughout most of the thread -- why do you still want to hear from others about their experience on this subject?
I think she's trying to find a way to make peace with it.

The finality of it, specifically.

OP, have ya given any thought to my idea of giving your time and resources to other kids you might meet in the world? There have got to be good ways to do that, if you don't have like nieces or nephews or something. Y'know? Like it would be pretty cool if one day you could look back and be like, "So I didn't spend all of my time and money raising children of my own, but that enabled me to volunteer/donate at a Children's Hospital." There are many ways to contribute to the next generation of our society, without necessarily having to create them ourselves. I even think that those who devote the finite resources of their lives to creative pursuits rather than child-raising, have made content that goes into the treasure trove of human cultural material, and maybe one day a teenager reads your words and learns something about life, or hears a song you wrote and it helps them through a rough time.

There are so many ways to enrich the lives of other people and really make a big difference. Not having kids can potentially give you a lot more personal bandwidth to make those kinds of contributions, you know?
 
Old 07-11-2019, 03:35 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
I think she's trying to find a way to make peace with it.

The finality of it, specifically.

OP, have ya given any thought to my idea of giving your time and resources to other kids you might meet in the world? There have got to be good ways to do that, if you don't have like nieces or nephews or something. Y'know? Like it would be pretty cool if one day you could look back and be like, "So I didn't spend all of my time and money raising children of my own, but that enabled me to volunteer/donate at a Children's Hospital." There are many ways to contribute to the next generation of our society, without necessarily having to create them ourselves. I even think that those who devote the finite resources of their lives to creative pursuits rather than child-raising, have made content that goes into the treasure trove of human cultural material, and maybe one day a teenager reads your words and learns something about life, or hears a song you wrote and it helps them through a rough time.

There are so many ways to enrich the lives of other people and really make a big difference. Not having kids can potentially give you a lot more personal bandwidth to make those kinds of contributions, you know?
I don't have any desire to work with kids....I'm an RN & I could very easily transition to pediatrics if that's what I really really wanted...but I don't. There is more autonomy & higher pay in what I do now....but I would very much like to help other people or do some kind of charity work...it does not have to be with kids, tho. I don't look at kids as a biological destiny.....that I must fulfill or be unhappy forever. I fell in love with an older man....who can't see kids in his future anymore. I'm much more than Ok with it......I'm happy. Thank you, tho..........
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