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Old 07-14-2019, 10:29 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,658 posts, read 42,273,122 times
Reputation: 84141

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
I'm a woman in my mid 30s and I don't want children but if I met someone I really loved who did, I wonder if I could be persuaded if he did half or the bulk of the child rearing. I don't want to be a SAHM and get bored if I don't work. I also do not want to carry a child or give birth to it so I'd definitely prefer adoption or looking after someone else's kids instead.
That's the thing ... raising children isn't like washing dirty dishes, where one night it's your turn and one night it's his turn.

It's not something someone should be talked into, and it definitely isn't something that someone should think they can talk someone else into.

Couples with this dilemma should always default to the "no."

 
Old 07-14-2019, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Southern California
5,571 posts, read 8,218,856 times
Reputation: 5310
Quote:
Originally Posted by PardonTheInterruption View Post
If one wants children and the other doesn't, and if they are both adamant about this, there's nothing to discuss. You can't compromise that.
^ Right! It's as simple as that.

Now if someone compromises, the two can stay together, but that means he/she REALLY loves that person to bend such an important belief. Would the one compromising truly be happy OR would they always resent the other person? It's tough when one compromises & chooses to stay in the relationship.
 
Old 07-14-2019, 11:02 AM
 
455 posts, read 82,071 times
Reputation: 822
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
That's the thing ... raising children isn't like washing dirty dishes, where one night it's your turn and one night it's his turn.

It's not something someone should be talked into, and it definitely isn't something that someone should think they can talk someone else into.

Couples with this dilemma should always default to the "no."
Thankfully I've never found myself in this situation and at some point hope to meet a guy who doesn't want kids or has them already.
 
Old 07-14-2019, 08:12 PM
 
150 posts, read 26,425 times
Reputation: 199
I'd have to find the right man before I could say, and I'm thinking one important ingredient to the mix would depend on how old I am at the time this comes up.

I don't like to date men who are locked in one particular way of thinking. If a man tells me right away, "no way am I having kids" or if he says, "I want kids, how many do you want?", I probably woudn't date either guy. It's not the first thing I want to talk about, and if he hates kids, or if it's all he thinks about, who needs either one? I like men who are well educated, successful, and not too set in their ways. They should be open for seeing where the relationship and life takes them, that's all I would ask.
 
Old 07-14-2019, 09:19 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,680 posts, read 33,572,993 times
Reputation: 32474
Quote:
Originally Posted by allison7 View Post
I'd have to find the right man before I could say, and I'm thinking one important ingredient to the mix would depend on how old I am at the time this comes up.

I don't like to date men who are locked in one particular way of thinking. If a man tells me right away, "no way am I having kids" or if he says, "I want kids, how many do you want?", I probably woudn't date either guy. It's not the first thing I want to talk about, and if he hates kids, or if it's all he thinks about, who needs either one? I like men who are well educated, successful, and not too set in their ways. They should be open for seeing where the relationship and life takes them, that's all I would ask.
Seeing where the relationship and life takes them leads to many kids brought up in single parent homes. Iím more hesitant to date women who havenít locked into one way of thinking. When it comes to kids, Iím definitely team HELL NO on that matter and Iíd be worried an undecided woman would just wake up one day and decide she wants a family and because I donít want one, Iím obsolete and she dumps me.
 
Old 07-14-2019, 09:23 PM
 
Location: California
1,438 posts, read 427,093 times
Reputation: 2566
Yes.
 
Old 07-14-2019, 09:47 PM
 
150 posts, read 26,425 times
Reputation: 199
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Seeing where the relationship and life takes them leads to many kids brought up in single parent homes. Iím more hesitant to date women who havenít locked into one way of thinking. When it comes to kids, Iím definitely team HELL NO on that matter and Iíd be worried an undecided woman would just wake up one day and decide she wants a family and because I donít want one, Iím obsolete and she dumps me.
That was a jump, because it doesn't mean kids are being brought up in single family homes when having an open mind is to not having kids too. I want in any man I date to have an open mind, and he shouldn't think in absolutes on everything. It's the closed mindedness that would gnaw at me, not the part about having kids or not. I'm very happy being single and the life I have, but we change and evolve over time. What we want at 28 or 35 is usually not the same it was at 22.
 
Old 07-15-2019, 06:31 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,270 posts, read 296,290 times
Reputation: 1132
Quote:
Originally Posted by allison7 View Post
I'd have to find the right man before I could say, and I'm thinking one important ingredient to the mix would depend on how old I am at the time this comes up.

I don't like to date men who are locked in one particular way of thinking. If a man tells me right away, "no way am I having kids" or if he says, "I want kids, how many do you want?", I probably woudn't date either guy. It's not the first thing I want to talk about, and if he hates kids, or if it's all he thinks about, who needs either one? I like men who are well educated, successful, and not too set in their ways. They should be open for seeing where the relationship and life takes them, that's all I would ask.
I am still young enough to have children......but I *have* found the right man & that's what makes the decision easy.
 
Old 07-15-2019, 06:32 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,270 posts, read 296,290 times
Reputation: 1132
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lou View Post
It happens enough for a man to be mindful of the possibility. Sometimes she'll try to pass it off as an innocent accident. Sometimes she'll think she has him pegged as the kind of man who will feel duty-bound to stay. Sometimes, she'll want a baby so much that she'll accept the probability of him leaving. Along with the men who have been gutted by that worst betrayal are the men who don't know it happened to them (which doesn't make it any better).
If you think your Gf or wife would betray you like this....or if you know she wants a baby THAT badly, then why would you stay with her?
 
Old 07-15-2019, 06:39 AM
 
3,245 posts, read 1,707,021 times
Reputation: 8949
Quote:
Originally Posted by allison7 View Post
That was a jump, because it doesn't mean kids are being brought up in single family homes when having an open mind is to not having kids too. I want in any man I date to have an open mind, and he shouldn't think in absolutes on everything. It's the closed mindedness that would gnaw at me, not the part about having kids or not. I'm very happy being single and the life I have, but we change and evolve over time. What we want at 28 or 35 is usually not the same it was at 22.

Um, having kids (or not) is a pretty big life decision. Feeling one way or another about THAT is not "closed mindedness." It's not like you're talking about whether to become vegan or something for god's sake.
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