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Old 07-16-2019, 09:01 AM
 
153 posts, read 29,618 times
Reputation: 318

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Quote:
Originally Posted by skeddy View Post
what other reason to marry if you don't want kids? Silly otherwise.

 
Old 07-16-2019, 01:49 PM
 
Location: Portland, OR
5,775 posts, read 6,005,218 times
Reputation: 6636
Definitely a deal breaker. I made it clear from the very start with any girl that I never want kids. I donít think itís fair to waste her time and have her get emotionally involved only to find out later sorry thatís not happening ever. Iím not a player, I always figured better to be honest with a girl because thatís how Iíd want people to treat me. Sometimes it wouldnít come up for a few dates, I mean that seems normal, but itís not like Iíd date her for months and just never mention that casually lol.

As others have said there is no compromising on that. Thereís absolutely no way I would be happy with that life, Iíd be miserable and resentful as I have zero interest in waking up early, wasting money on an unwanted obligation, and dealing with poopy diapers or bratty kids or soccer practices or other total nonsense that doesnít improve my life whatsoever. Luckily I found an awesome girl who hates kids as much as I do so it worked out. I knew before we even went on a date thatís how she felt too, so that was awesome.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 01:57 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB View Post
Definitely a deal breaker. I made it clear from the very start with any girl that I never want kids. I donít think itís fair to waste her time and have her get emotionally involved only to find out later sorry thatís not happening ever. Iím not a player, I always figured better to be honest with a girl because thatís how Iíd want people to treat me. Sometimes it wouldnít come up for a few dates, I mean that seems normal, but itís not like Iíd date her for months and just never mention that casually lol.
Ita...honesty is the thing to do....especially before discussing *moving in* together.

I put *way* more importance on the man I found & our relationship, tho. I know there are lots who don't agree based on the thread.........
 
Old 07-16-2019, 02:11 PM
 
Location: Portland, OR
5,775 posts, read 6,005,218 times
Reputation: 6636
Yeah for sure, well I just think it makes you a kind of crappy person to be with a girl and lead her on (or the other way around) and then a long time later, she finds out you don’t want kids and she feels like she wasted all of this time. I just personally wouldn’t want someone to do that to me, so why would it be ok for me to treat someone that way? If she has the information earlier (not saying like 5 minutes after we meet lol) then at least she doesn’t feel led on or like her time has been wasted.

I will say dating I rarely met girls who didn’t want kids and of course I got a lot of “you’ll change your mind” nonsense and I put a quick end to that. I feel the same at 36 as I did at 18. Nothing has changed.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 02:19 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB View Post
I will say dating I rarely met girls who didnít want kids and of course I got a lot of ďyouíll change your mindĒ nonsense and I put a quick end to that. I feel the same at 36 as I did at 18. Nothing has changed.
I'm not 36 yet...but I know I'm very much in love with my Bf & he is older....doesn't see kids in his future anymore....& I am more than Ok with it. It's not that I always wanted kids anyway....but it wasn't that I always didn't want them either........
 
Old 07-16-2019, 05:27 PM
 
13,369 posts, read 25,669,097 times
Reputation: 20681
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
...I guess if you aren't sure or haven't thought about it maybe it doesn't matter, but for those of us who have a strong stance one way or the other I think it's better to know sooner rather than later.
You can always casually, say, look at someone with a child and remark to your date, "Better them than me," or some such. It doesn't have to be like a job interview, and I do think surgery discussions are best saved for later.

One guy, when I was 33, my boyfriend was saying that he wanted to move to the mountains and do his artwork and I could support him as an RN, and he added, "And I could take care of the kids." I said, "Rick, do you remember that I had a tubal ligation two years ago, like I told you?" "Well, we could always adopt."

Not clear on the concept, or the not-conception.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 05:29 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
You can always casually, say, look at someone with a child and remark to your date, "Better them than me," or some such. It doesn't have to be like a job interview, and I do think surgery discussions are best saved for later.

One guy, when I was 33, my boyfriend was saying that he wanted to move to the mountains and do his artwork and I could support him as an RN, and he added, "And I could take care of the kids." I said, "Rick, do you remember that I had a tubal ligation two years ago, like I told you?" "Well, we could always adopt."

Not clear on the concept, or the not-conception.
He wanted you to support him?
 
Old 07-16-2019, 08:22 PM
 
17,808 posts, read 4,163,713 times
Reputation: 5674
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Do you think this is a common reason for dating couples to call it quits...if one person wants kids & the other doesn't? Do you think most people discuss it before it would be time to plan one?
I would only marry someone if they want kids.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 10:24 PM
 
Location: Middle America
36,859 posts, read 42,181,812 times
Reputation: 50862
Quote:
Originally Posted by allison7 View Post
I don't go on dates so I can find someone to make me a mom.
Me, neither, when I was dating.

But, on the other hand, I definitely wasn't interested in dating anybody with whom parenting was categorically not ever going to be an option.

And I had kids WAY later than the average, so it definitely wasn't a ticking clock thing. It was just knowing that it was very much still on the table, for me, and that being the case, what would be the point in wasting time with somebody for whom it was categorically off the table? Why not leave them for somebody who wanted what they wanted? I'd rather NOT have sunk any additional time into somebody who for sure was ix-nay on the ids-kay, because, hi, nonstarter.
 
Old 07-17-2019, 08:37 PM
 
150 posts, read 25,837 times
Reputation: 199
Quote:
Originally Posted by C24L View Post
I would only marry someone if they want kids.
I'd only marry someone if I loved him and I knew he loved me. What if you find out one of you can't have kids? Do you get divorced?
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