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Old 07-20-2019, 08:46 AM
 
13,369 posts, read 25,669,097 times
Reputation: 20681

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Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
He wanted you to support him?
Yeah. He figured that's how his father did what he loved (and mother was an RN) and somehow thought that I must be doing what I loved so why not?

When it comes to men, I just wanna break even!

 
Old 07-20-2019, 09:12 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
Yeah. He figured that's how his father did what he loved (and mother was an RN) and somehow thought that I must be doing what I loved so why not?

When it comes to men, I just wanna break even!
I wouldn't support a man....ever. I can live with not having kids....I could not live with having to support a man.....
 
Old 07-20-2019, 11:59 AM
 
Location: Portland, OR
5,775 posts, read 6,005,218 times
Reputation: 6636
My fiancť says you can’t have child when you are child. That’s me and I’m proud of it. You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever! Words to live by
 
Old 07-20-2019, 12:48 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB View Post
My fiancť says you canít have child when you are child. Thatís me and Iím proud of it. You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever! Words to live by
Yes...you can.....
 
Old 07-20-2019, 02:26 PM
 
Location: Middle America
36,859 posts, read 42,181,812 times
Reputation: 50862
Quote:
Originally Posted by allison7 View Post
I'd only marry someone if I loved him and I knew he loved me. What if you find out one of you can't have kids? Do you get divorced?
Some people do.

When I got married, we agreed that if biological children weren't in the cards, we would investigate becoming parents via other means.
 
Old 07-29-2019, 06:59 PM
 
8,028 posts, read 5,103,583 times
Reputation: 13743
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
That's just it tho.... it's hard to decide because I don't feel having a baby is some sort of *have to* or biological destiny. ....
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
This is really a good post...thank you Birdie. A loss either way....& so true! It is why I feel a little "frozen" about it. ...
Let's weigh the ensuing regrets, for one or another regret is inevitable.

In the first scenario, you decide that having kids is imperative. This means break-up, search for a new partner, formation of a new relationship, and mother hood. Decades pass. You're 70, possibly a grandmother. Let's assume for discussion's sake that your children are healthy, well-adjusted and successful. Regrets? Regret about having lost that prior relationship. Regret that parenthood wasn't necessarily all that felicitous. At least three people are going to feel regret: your, your former partner (who loved you, but had to let you go) and likely your child (or children), who perhaps sense an ambivalence regarding whether they were truly wanted.

In the second scenario, you remain with your current partner, and don't have kids. Decades pass. You're 70, and not a mother, let alone a grandmother. Regrets? Regret that you abjured the female role of motherhood, that you haven't passed on your genes, that you don't have a built-in caretaker in your old age. But then you realize: all of these regrets are personal, even selfish. They involve only you. They don't involve your hypothetical child, because there wasn't any. And they don't involve your partner, because the two of you remained together in lifelong partnership.

By my reckoning, the relative weighing of regrets gives a clear winner.
 
Old 07-29-2019, 11:44 PM
 
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,323 posts, read 2,979,487 times
Reputation: 2094
Well I could not be together with someone who supports Voluntary Human Extinction or otherwise thinks all humans should stop having children. We have a moral obligation to continue to exist as a species, so we can continue our role as the steward of life and intelligent life on Earth. We have to spread it across the solar system and neighboring solar systems, so a disaster in any one place will not destroy all life and all intelligent life known to exist in the universe.

VHE is an evil philosophy and an offensive one. I could never be with someone who thinks humanity should disappear. We have created much beauty and added much meaning to the universe. It should continue. Life is rare and precious, especially intelligent life. We need to cherish it and protect it and propagate it.

Now I have never had children, but I wanted them. I just never found anyone who liked me back. I could only be in relationships with people who have wanted children at some point in their lives. So ChildFree is a major red flag to me. Childless by circumstance, sure. That's what I am. But not ChildFree, especially not ChildFree by Choice.
 
Old 07-30-2019, 07:54 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by neutrino78x View Post
Well I could not be together with someone who supports Voluntary Human Extinction or otherwise thinks all humans should stop having children. We have a moral obligation to continue to exist as a species, so we can continue our role as the steward of life and intelligent life on Earth. We have to spread it across the solar system and neighboring solar systems, so a disaster in any one place will not destroy all life and all intelligent life known to exist in the universe.

VHE is an evil philosophy and an offensive one. I could never be with someone who thinks humanity should disappear. We have created much beauty and added much meaning to the universe. It should continue. Life is rare and precious, especially intelligent life. We need to cherish it and protect it and propagate it.

Now I have never had children, but I wanted them. I just never found anyone who liked me back. I could only be in relationships with people who have wanted children at some point in their lives. So ChildFree is a major red flag to me. Childless by circumstance, sure. That's what I am. But not ChildFree, especially not ChildFree by Choice.
*blank stare*
 
Old 07-30-2019, 08:04 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant View Post
Let's weigh the ensuing regrets, for one or another regret is inevitable.

In the first scenario, you decide that having kids is imperative. This means break-up, search for a new partner, formation of a new relationship, and mother hood. Decades pass. You're 70, possibly a grandmother. Let's assume for discussion's sake that your children are healthy, well-adjusted and successful. Regrets? Regret about having lost that prior relationship. Regret that parenthood wasn't necessarily all that felicitous. At least three people are going to feel regret: your, your former partner (who loved you, but had to let you go) and likely your child (or children), who perhaps sense an ambivalence regarding whether they were truly wanted.

In the second scenario, you remain with your current partner, and don't have kids. Decades pass. You're 70, and not a mother, let alone a grandmother. Regrets? Regret that you abjured the female role of motherhood, that you haven't passed on your genes, that you don't have a built-in caretaker in your old age. But then you realize: all of these regrets are personal, even selfish. They involve only you. They don't involve your hypothetical child, because there wasn't any. And they don't involve your partner, because the two of you remained together in lifelong partnership.

By my reckoning, the relative weighing of regrets gives a clear winner.
I'm just a "go with my heart" kinda girl.....& I love my Bf. I never thought I'd be deciding baby or not at 31....thought I had a few more yrs....but that's how life rolls when falling in love with an older man.
 
Old 07-30-2019, 08:12 AM
 
153 posts, read 29,618 times
Reputation: 318
Quote:
Originally Posted by neutrino78x View Post
I could not be together with someone who supports Voluntary Human Extinction or otherwise thinks all humans should stop having children. We have a moral obligation to continue to exist as a species, so we can continue our role as the steward of life and intelligent life on Earth. We have to spread it across the solar system and neighboring solar systems, so a disaster in any one place will not destroy all life and all intelligent life known to exist in the universe.
Just put the above as an introduction in your dating profile, and you'll have soo many ladies you'll be beating them off with a stick!
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