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Old 08-01-2019, 11:38 PM
 
7,649 posts, read 3,009,598 times
Reputation: 12613

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Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
It's not what I really wanted....I never for sure wanted kids...or never didn't want them either.........A N D, if I did decide to & that's a really big if...it wouldn't be for 3 to 5 yrs anyways......because I would not be ready to have them now in any way....too much I wanna do. So I really don't see it as much of a compromise........because I am not giving up any kind of life long dream to be a mom...

He didn't lay down a law....we talked about it very openly & lovingly....like couples do.........& shared how we both felt......
Yes, a lot of us know how “couples do” you aren’t the only couple on the planet earth, believe it or not.
He made a decision, told you how it was, you are abiding by it.
As long as you understand that, there won’t be any regrets.

 
Old 08-01-2019, 11:40 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
Yes, a lot of us know how ďcouples doĒ you arenít the only couple on the planet earth, believe it or not.
He made a decision, told you how it was, you are abiding by it.
As long as you understand that, there wonít be any regrets.
I was with him during our conversation....you weren't......
 
Old 08-01-2019, 11:46 PM
 
7,649 posts, read 3,009,598 times
Reputation: 12613
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
I was with him during our conversation....you weren't......
The conversation was as you presented: ďI donít want to have kids, Iím too old for that.Ē The conversation ended with: ďIím not going to have kids, Iím too old for that.Ē

Yeah, we get the gist of the conversationó I think you may not have been present for it though, if you picture this as an even give and take.

No Matter how defensive of a response you come back with, Iím telling you (most of us here are only telling you) that you have to think about yourself sometimes, you didnít in your last relationship, and so do something different this time.
 
Old 08-02-2019, 12:20 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
The conversation was as you presented: ďI donít want to have kids, Iím too old for that.Ē The conversation ended with: ďIím not going to have kids, Iím too old for that.Ē

Yeah, we get the gist of the conversationó I think you may not have been present for it though, if you picture this as an even give and take.

No Matter how defensive of a response you come back with, Iím telling you (most of us here are only telling you) that you have to think about yourself sometimes, you didnít in your last relationship, and so do something different this time.
No...not close....but thank you tho.
 
Old 08-02-2019, 03:23 AM
 
Location: Putnam County, TN
63 posts, read 10,682 times
Reputation: 43
I don't think I would. As much as I don't want kids, I would most likely look past all but the toughest, most intrinsic/personal obstacles in a relationship. Finding and keeping an attractive, friendly and willing boyfriend is one of my ultimate goals, and I would never let my extended family, grandfathers or even most of my friends foil that, much less a silly, inevitable disagreement like whether or not to have kids and what kind of house to build.

After all, if he wants kids, he can take care of them while I work at my nursery (assuming I build it). I can even pay him to do so without him having to work, or if he wants to work with me, I could hire him as my administrative lieutenant. Similarly, we could also split half and half with extra room for the kids if we disagreed on what plants to have in the yard, taking sole responsibility for our own halves but standing together in tough times.
 
Old 08-02-2019, 08:02 AM
 
150 posts, read 25,837 times
Reputation: 199
There are still those who want children full-stop. They will leave or not enter into any kind of romantic relationship without that promise. For the rest of us, it's not so black and white.
 
Old 08-02-2019, 08:33 AM
 
12,609 posts, read 10,009,366 times
Reputation: 16290
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sun Belt-lover L.A.M. View Post
I don't think I would. As much as I don't want kids, I would most likely look past all but the toughest, most intrinsic/personal obstacles in a relationship.
A little unpopular position here. I try to use the word "should" as infrequently as possible. But one should consider having children or not the toughest, most intrinsic/personal obstacle there is.

We are not talking about getting a puppy here which can be re-homed. Hate the idea. But it is not like kids. Kids are human people. And they are your responsibility for life. Having kids to keep a relationship is a bad idea on many levels. But in the end, the resultant little humans are the top priority.
 
Old 08-02-2019, 08:34 AM
 
12,609 posts, read 10,009,366 times
Reputation: 16290
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sun Belt-lover L.A.M. View Post
I don't think I would. As much as I don't want kids, I would most likely look past all but the toughest, most intrinsic/personal obstacles in a relationship. Finding and keeping an attractive, friendly and willing boyfriend is one of my ultimate goals, and I would never let my extended family, grandfathers or even most of my friends foil that, much less a silly, inevitable disagreement like whether or not to have kids and what kind of house to build.

After all, if he wants kids, he can take care of them while I work at my nursery (assuming I build it). I can even pay him to do so without him having to work, or if he wants to work with me, I could hire him as my administrative lieutenant. Similarly, we could also split half and half with extra room for the kids if we disagreed on what plants to have in the yard, taking sole responsibility for our own halves but standing together in tough times.
He can take care of them??!! You think ROOM is the issue?
 
Old 08-03-2019, 01:06 AM
 
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,323 posts, read 2,979,487 times
Reputation: 2094
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
Just because one person makes a choice, for their own happiness, in their own lives, does not ever EVER EVER EVER mean that they are saying they think it is the choice that all other human beings should make. Their choice doesn't carry that weight or have that power.
Yes, but generally we choose to do things because we think it is the right thing to do. So to some extent, a "ChildFree by Choice" type thinks that no one should have kids, and probably agrees with these people:

VHEMT

I can understand being in circumstances that would make raising children impractical, or, like me, a combination of that and no one ever liking you back.

What I think is evil and disgusting is saying that humanity should wipe itself out by choosing to stop all reproduction, or doing so for a period of time. We have to keep perpetuating the species, so someone is here to take care of life and propagate it throughout the universe, so it will not be destroyed. Both life and intelligence.

I could never be in a relationship with someone who thinks humanity should go extinct or that a lot of people should not be alive. I would even have a hard time being friends with them.
 
Old 08-03-2019, 04:14 AM
 
12,609 posts, read 10,009,366 times
Reputation: 16290
Quote:
Originally Posted by neutrino78x View Post
Yes, but generally we choose to do things because we think it is the right thing to do. So to some extent, a "ChildFree by Choice" type thinks that no one should have kids, and probably agrees with these people:

VHEMT
This kind of thinking that members of a named group all think the same is pretty infuriating. The motivations that drive people are many, and indeed, are an entire field of study called psychology. To sum something up like this is so far from reality it is not funny. For those of us who are boxed in like this by virtue of being "female", for example, get freaking sick of it. (If I were over in politics and controversies, the convo would be similar but slightly different.)

Knowing several childfree by choice people, I would say they have different motivations from each other. One of them just does not want kids. She just doesn't want them. Another is a climate change activist and does have pretty intense mistrust of our overpopulation and the motives others have for having children. Two examples. She can't tell me she thinks no one should have kids ever though. That would be an awkward slap in my face as a Mom.

Quote:
I can understand being in circumstances that would make raising children impractical, or, like me, a combination of that and no one ever liking you back.

What I think is evil and disgusting is saying that humanity should wipe itself out by choosing to stop all reproduction, or doing so for a period of time. We have to keep perpetuating the species, so someone is here to take care of life and propagate it throughout the universe, so it will not be destroyed. Both life and intelligence.
I find it interesting that you think we should continue to pretend we are good stewards of life. We have done a pretty **** poor job on the planet. I don't think there is any way people will give up having children, so it is not something I am going to advocate. Ineffective. But the idea that WE belong propagating our **** throughout the entire universe is scary. I do believe that nature is stronger than us and will spit us out eventually.
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