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Old Yesterday, 09:54 PM
 
150 posts, read 25,837 times
Reputation: 199

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Quote:
Originally Posted by neutrino78x View Post
Yes, but generally we choose to do things because we think it is the right thing to do. So to some extent, a "ChildFree by Choice" type thinks that no one should have kids, and probably agrees with these people:
I don't think this to be true. I have chosen not to have kids. It has to do in this moment with not having found a partner, and I want to focus on my career. It is not because I feel it is the "right thing to do" for everyone or would I ever advocate it for someone else. Stay in your own lane is what I say.

 
Old Today, 04:10 AM
 
12,609 posts, read 10,009,366 times
Reputation: 16290
Quote:
Originally Posted by allison7 View Post
I don't think this to be true. I have chosen not to have kids. It has to do in this moment with not having found a partner, and I want to focus on my career. It is not because I feel it is the "right thing to do" for everyone or would I ever advocate it for someone else. Stay in your own lane is what I say.
Boom.
 
Old Today, 07:13 AM
 
14 posts, read 1,022 times
Reputation: 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by neutrino78x View Post
Yes, but generally we choose to do things because we think it is the right thing to do. So to some extent, a "ChildFree by Choice" type thinks that no one should have kids, and probably agrees with these people:

VHEMT

I can understand being in circumstances that would make raising children impractical, or, like me, a combination of that and no one ever liking you back.

What I think is evil and disgusting is saying that humanity should wipe itself out by choosing to stop all reproduction, or doing so for a period of time. We have to keep perpetuating the species, so someone is here to take care of life and propagate it throughout the universe, so it will not be destroyed. Both life and intelligence.

I could never be in a relationship with someone who thinks humanity should go extinct or that a lot of people should not be alive. I would even have a hard time being friends with them.
Wow. There is a lot to unpack here...
I made my choice to not have children when I was a teenager back in the '80s. I can't even begin to tell you the disdain and criticism I dealt with from friends to co workers to complete strangers about my choice. Even my OB/GYN was critical of me until I finally convinced her when I was 37 that I wasn't going to have children. My reasons were MY reasons, they had nothing to do with anyone else's choices or a political statement or a radical environmental stance. My body, my life, my choice. I'm 53 and I'm pretty darn tired of men telling women what they can and cannot do with their bodies.

Back on topic, OP when a person says they don't want children, it's a decision that they have put a lot of thought into. It's not a choice that is made lightly. If he feels this way, then you will have to accept that if you stay with him, it will just be the two of you. You will not change his mind two or three years down the road.

Last edited by Northshoregirl2019; Today at 07:24 AM..
 
Old Today, 07:18 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by allison7 View Post
I don't think this to be true. I have chosen not to have kids. It has to do in this moment with not having found a partner, and I want to focus on my career. It is not because I feel it is the "right thing to do" for everyone or would I ever advocate it for someone else. Stay in your own lane is what I say.
Ita....why or why not anyone chooses to have kids or not....is their own business. Those of us who choose not to.....don't try to impose our decision on anyone else.....& so why do women that want babies try to impose that on us? Or tell us it is how we *really* feel?
 
Old Today, 07:55 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by Northshoregirl2019 View Post
Back on topic, OP when a person says they don't want children, it's a decision that they have put a lot of thought into. It's not a choice that is made lightly. If he feels this way, then you will have to accept that if you stay with him, it will just be the two of you. You will not change his mind two or three years down the road.
I know it's how he feels....because he told me! This is kinda what I was saying before.....why is it that so many women think I want to convince him to have a baby.....or that because I am female I just won't be able to accept it....or will try to change his mind down the road......when I have said my feelings about it...that I'm Ok with it & that I never was the type girl to yearn for a baby anyways............& you are even someone that chose not to have babies for yourself.
 
Old Today, 08:05 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by Northshoregirl2019 View Post

Back on topic, OP when a person says they don't want children, it's a decision that they have put a lot of thought into. It's not a choice that is made lightly. If he feels this way, then you will have to accept that if you stay with him, it will just be the two of you. You will not change his mind two or three years down the road.
*We* haven't made our decision lightly........
 
Old Today, 08:51 AM
 
14 posts, read 1,022 times
Reputation: 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
*We* haven't made our decision lightly........
I never assume anyone wants children, I gathered that you were "on the fence" so to speak from your first few posts. I admit I did not read through 29 pages of posts.

If you two have decided not to then that's great you are both on the same page.
 
Old Today, 08:55 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,652 posts, read 42,257,113 times
Reputation: 84111
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
*We* haven't made our decision lightly........
We know you two have discussed it very very very seriously, but your insistence that you are ok with the idea is undermined by posts like #89:

Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
I won't push him into a vasectomy because I would like us to be able to decide for sure in a few yrs if we have a baby or not.
which seem to indicate that you **think** you will be able to change his mind in 3-5 years according to YOUR personal timeline. That ^^ definitely sounds like you're telling him, "OK honey, whatever you say..." with every intention of revisiting the topic and him changing his mind in a few years.

That plus the fact that he lost an infant only a couple years ago, your newfound dedication to being child-free by choice isn't entirely convincing.
 
Old Today, 09:22 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by Northshoregirl2019 View Post
I never assume anyone wants children, I gathered that you were "on the fence" so to speak from your first few posts. I admit I did not read through 29 pages of posts.

If you two have decided not to then that's great you are both on the same page.
Thank you....we are!
 
Old Today, 09:44 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post


which seem to indicate that you **think** you will be able to change his mind in 3-5 years according to YOUR personal timeline. That ^^ definitely sounds like you're telling him, "OK honey, whatever you say..." with every intention of revisiting the topic and him changing his mind in a few years.
I would never push him to have a vasectomy....that would be his decision just like a tubal ligation would be mine. We will have to make that decision together too. I was only saying ...I would probably wait 3 to 5 yrs if I was in a different relationship...it woudn't be brought up now...but I totally understand why he did & why he feels the way he does. He didn't want to lead me on about a baby or think I might be thinking it. A N D I also said.....that he is older & I'm not ready *now* anyways.....so the timing just would not be right........& we discussed that too. So a final decision has been made....versus the uncertainty I was assuming at the time.....not because I wanted a baby so bad....just because I didn't expect to be making a final decision at 31....but I'm Ok that I am. I know why it has to be made.........

I don't want to change his mind....or my own. We have given it lots of thought.....but still people think that because I'm a female....I just *have* to have a baby & I will stop at nothing to have one.....why do women do that to other women??????
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