U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old Today, 09:53 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,651 posts, read 42,257,113 times
Reputation: 84111

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
I would never push him to have a vasectomy....that would be his decision just like a tubal ligation would be mine. We will have to make that decision together too. I was only saying ...I would probably wait 3 to 5 yrs if I was in a different relationship...it woudn't be brought up now...but I totally understand why he did & why he feels the way he does. He didn't want to lead me on about a baby or think I might be thinking it. A N D I also said.....that he is older & I'm not ready *now* anyways.....so the timing just would not be right........& we discussed that too. So a final decision has been made....versus the uncertainty I was assuming at the time.....not because I wanted a baby so bad....just because I didn't expect to be making a final decision at 31....but I'm Ok that I am. I know why it has to be made.........

I don't want to change his mind....or my own. We have given it lots of thought.....but still people think that because I'm a female....I just *have* to have a baby & I will stop at nothing to have one.....why do women do that to other women??????
Nobody is "doing" anything to you. This isn't a gender thing. It's an honesty thing.

None of that wordy rehash you just wrote addresses the fact that he has told you he doesn't want kids and in that post YOU SAID "I would like us to be able to decide for sure in a few years…"

I'm not saying you have to have a baby. But your boyfriend has told you he has already decided, and your own words show that deep down you do not truly believe that his decision, i.e. "your decision," is final.

You're being disingenuous, with us and with him.

 
Old Today, 09:55 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1118
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Nobody is "doing" anything to you. This isn't a gender thing. It's an honesty thing.

None of that wordy rehash you just wrote addresses the fact that he has told you he doesn't want kids and in that post YOU SAID "I would like us to be able to decide for sure in a few years…"

I'm not saying you have to have a baby. But your boyfriend has told you he has already decided, and your own words show that deep down you do not truly believe that his decision, i.e. "your decision," is final.

You're being disingenuous.
It's not disingenuous to say I was initially undecided..or that I never thought about babies one way or the other.....& that now I have made a final decision.

E D I T: He did not make the decision for me......... ofc I am going to pick staying with an amazing man..... who has brought out & loves the girl I was before all the stuff with my ex.....over maybe having a baby in the future that I don't necessarily for sure want anyways.....

Last edited by TashaPosh; Today at 10:32 AM..
 
Old Today, 10:41 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,651 posts, read 42,257,113 times
Reputation: 84111
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
It's not disingenuous to say I was initially undecided..or that I never thought about babies one way or the other.....& that now I have made a final decision.

E D I T: He did not make the decision for me......... ofc I am going to pick staying with an amazing man..... who has brought out & loves the girl I was before all the stuff with my ex.....over maybe having a baby in the future that I don't necessarily for sure want anyways.....
All stuff you've said before, not really the point I'm making.

But after you informed us that you had bought in and were fine with living with him and him alone, without children, you posted that, saying that you would like for the two of you to decide for sure in a few years.

... which proves that right now you are fine to say you go along with his decision, but you really don't think it's final and that you still want that door to be open.
 
Old Today, 11:00 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1118
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
All stuff you've said before, not really the point I'm making.

But after you informed us that you had bought in and were fine with living with him and him alone, without children, you posted that, saying that you would like for the two of you to decide for sure in a few years.

... which proves that right now you are fine to say you go along with his decision, but you really don't think it's final and that you still want that door to be open.
Because if it was in a different relationship with a man my age, I probably wouldn't be making a final decision...at 31...I'd still be *undecided* & never would of talked about a baby or not BUT that doesn't mean I would have decided yes then either.........it is only my situation of being with an older man that brought it up now....

I dunno why you don't wanna accept it.....you are like my ex who always told me what I wanted or what I was *really thinking* & then he would fight with me about it...all on what he thought I thought! My Bf & I can have an a m a z i n g life together as a child free couple........we're happy......& lots of people make a final choice not to have babies.................
 
Old Today, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,651 posts, read 42,257,113 times
Reputation: 84111
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Because if it was in a different relationship with a man my age, I probably wouldn't be making a final decision...at 31...I'd still be *undecided* & never would of talked about a baby or not BUT that doesn't mean I would have decided yes then either.........it is only my situation of being with an older man that brought it up now....
I'm just going by what you have written. You are NOT actually making a final decision now.

Your BF has made HIS decision, and you're saying that you're fine with it, but deep down you apparently don't really believe it's FINAL final, because if you did there would be no reason for you to say you want the two of you to make your decision "for sure" in a few years.
 
Old Today, 11:41 AM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
32,068 posts, read 20,201,242 times
Reputation: 46295
Okay, everyone has made their point, everything forward would just be bickering.
__________________
____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs

Last edited by Mikala43; Today at 12:04 PM..
 
Old Today, 12:08 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1118
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
I'm just going by what you have written. You are NOT actually making a final decision now.

Your BF has made HIS decision, and you're saying that you're fine with it, but deep down you apparently don't really believe it's FINAL final, because if you did there would be no reason for you to say you want the two of you to make your decision "for sure" in a few years.

I very thoughtfully made my decision to take the next step with my Bf in our future....that will be child free....so get over it.
 
Old Today, 12:10 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1118
Quote:
Originally Posted by allison7 View Post
I don't think this to be true. I have chosen not to have kids. It has to do in this moment with not having found a partner, and I want to focus on my career. It is not because I feel it is the "right thing to do" for everyone or would I ever advocate it for someone else. Stay in your own lane is what I say.
My reasons are different...but I have made the same choice....some people don't accept it......& I don't know why women do that to each other...........

Thank you for this post........
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top