Quote:
Originally Posted by Harry Hemi
I think you should ask yourself the questions from another direction, such as would you like the things that come with raising children. - 9 month pregnancy sickness
- Childbirth/labor pain
- Changing diapers,
- losing sleep
- teaching to speak
- helping with homework
- general goofyness and watching them play
- buying clothes
- doing extra laundry
- talking in kid speak in general
- birthday and xmas gifts
- thankless parenting
- screaming babies/toddlers for 3 years
- rough road trips, restless baby/toddler
- teaching them right from wrong
- sickness...diseases
- possible mentally incapable (makes everything in the list 10x more difficult)
- Teenage years/parties/drugs/bad friends
- college loans
If youre ok with all of these, then maybe you really do want kids. Some people find these things rewarding.
These are the things I think of that discourage me, and keeps me in the frame of mind that I dont like being around children. |
I would say "maybe not" with regard to the pregnancy sickness because not everyone gets that, I felt healthier than ever in my life while pregnant.
But I'll add:
Your body may never be the same. Some women gain weight and battle that for the rest of their lives, often unsuccessfully. I was lucky and I did not, but I lost my breasts pretty much, they were a very nice C and now somewhere between an A/B, and this is a common reason that women wind up choosing to get implants, though I don't think I will. Stretch marks are also likely. Your skin changes. And while I am not going to get graphic about it, and I am not talking about a "stretching" effect in the most obvious way, the appearance of your
~ahem~ lady business can be altered as well. Skin coloration often darkens for one thing, and that's something no one ever told me would happen. And if a C-section is required, there can be scarring.
I'm saying things can change and that even a best case scenario can leave you with things to be self-critical about. As if women needed more of those.
Oh and there is a chance of post-partum depression, too. I wasn't warned adequately about the brain changes. Your hormones are topsy turvy and you can barely think, I had some anxiety and depression and panic moments especially after my first was born, and that is usually exacerbated by not getting enough sleep.
Having a child creates a massive amount of new work in a household. If your partner doesn't step up and do a fair share (depending on your respective work schedules and other responsibilities) that can create huge resentment and drive big, big emotional distance between two people.
Babies spew bodily fluids frequently from any orifice.
If you breastfeed (as I believe is best, and I did) get ready for your front to leak massively in public any time any baby cries anywhere that you can hear. Fun times!
You have to baby-proof your entire reality.
Expenses like you won't believe. Diapers. Daycare. Toys and gear. Feeling that you have to provide a magical pile of shiny junk every Christmas and every Birthday, and make the wonder happen for every holiday, and make vacations happen (or camp, or extracurriculars) every summer. If you can't afford it, you'll wish you could and feel bad, and if you have any money to spare, being a parent will devour it. Forget about saving for college or retirement, unless you are far more principled than most or have wealthy family to help.
Small children get sick a lot, sometimes dangerously and frighteningly so. And they are often sticky, and sometimes you have no idea why... But they smell RIGHT because they are your children. Until they become teenagers, and then they smell horrible.
In the middling years, say, 5-early puberty, you get last minute school projects that keep you up all night, the kids going off to play and not being back home when they are supposed to, and you pacing around with stomach in knots only to have them roll up on bikes an hour or two later, you want to give them a cell phone so you can find them instead? Cool, get ready for middle school nude photo sharing conversations, watching out for cyber bullying, and a dozen other kinds of trouble they can get up to with the damn thing.
You'll be criticized for being too involved or not involved enough, however you parent, someone will be there to tell you you're doing it wrong. (Have a look in the Parenting subforum if you don't believe me.)
BUT...
At a few months old, you smile at them and they smile back at you. I smiled nonstop at my babies until my face ached. Literally. I have tears in my eyes remembering it.
They are so snuggly when they're little.
The day you admit that you might enjoy playing with their toys more than they do.
Watching them sleep.
Refrigerator art.
They become these little people. They learn and accomplish stuff. It's cool to watch.
All the cute and hilarious and wacky things they say. (Gotta write those things down, seriously.)
Kitchen dance parties with toddlers.
Catching fireflies together on summer nights. Letting them go.
All the wonder of being a parent...there is a lot of it I can't even put into words, it's a matter of the heart and difficult to explain or describe.
So I can't say whether you should want kids or not. I really can't. Both paths have their costs, and their rewards. But I would question, if someone is right for you, when they are not willing to accept that you cannot decide this right now.
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