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Yes, but generally we choose to do things because we think it is the right thing to do. So to some extent, a "ChildFree by Choice" type thinks that no one should have kids, and probably agrees with these people:
I don't think this to be true. I have chosen not to have kids. It has to do in this moment with not having found a partner, and I want to focus on my career. It is not because I feel it is the "right thing to do" for everyone or would I ever advocate it for someone else. Stay in your own lane is what I say.
I don't think this to be true. I have chosen not to have kids. It has to do in this moment with not having found a partner, and I want to focus on my career. It is not because I feel it is the "right thing to do" for everyone or would I ever advocate it for someone else. Stay in your own lane is what I say.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by allison7
I don't think this to be true. I have chosen not to have kids. It has to do in this moment with not having found a partner, and I want to focus on my career. It is not because I feel it is the "right thing to do" for everyone or would I ever advocate it for someone else. Stay in your own lane is what I say.
Ita....why or why not anyone chooses to have kids or not....is their own business. Those of us who choose not to.....don't try to impose our decision on anyone else.....& so why do women that want babies try to impose that on us? Or tell us it is how we *really* feel?
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Northshoregirl2019
Back on topic, OP when a person says they don't want children, it's a decision that they have put a lot of thought into. It's not a choice that is made lightly. If he feels this way, then you will have to accept that if you stay with him, it will just be the two of you. You will not change his mind two or three years down the road.
I know it's how he feels....because he told me! This is kinda what I was saying before.....why is it that so many women think I want to convince him to have a baby.....or that because I am female I just won't be able to accept it....or will try to change his mind down the road......when I have said my feelings about it...that I'm Ok with it & that I never was the type girl to yearn for a baby anyways............& you are even someone that chose not to have babies for yourself.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Northshoregirl2019
Back on topic, OP when a person says they don't want children, it's a decision that they have put a lot of thought into. It's not a choice that is made lightly. If he feels this way, then you will have to accept that if you stay with him, it will just be the two of you. You will not change his mind two or three years down the road.
We know you two have discussed it very very very seriously, but your insistence that you are ok with the idea is undermined by posts like #89:
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh
I won't push him into a vasectomy because I would like us to be able to decide for sure in a few yrs if we have a baby or not.
… which seem to indicate that you **think** you will be able to change his mind in 3-5 years according to YOUR personal timeline. That ^^ definitely sounds like you're telling him, "OK honey, whatever you say..." with every intention of revisiting the topic and him changing his mind in a few years.
That plus the fact that he lost an infant only a couple years ago, your newfound dedication to being child-free by choice isn't entirely convincing.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Northshoregirl2019
I never assume anyone wants children, I gathered that you were "on the fence" so to speak from your first few posts. I admit I did not read through 29 pages of posts.
If you two have decided not to then that's great you are both on the same page.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
… which seem to indicate that you **think** you will be able to change his mind in 3-5 years according to YOUR personal timeline. That ^^ definitely sounds like you're telling him, "OK honey, whatever you say..." with every intention of revisiting the topic and him changing his mind in a few years.
I would never push him to have a vasectomy....that would be his decision just like a tubal ligation would be mine. We will have to make that decision together too. I was only saying ...I would probably wait 3 to 5 yrs if I was in a different relationship...it woudn't be brought up now...but I totally understand why he did & why he feels the way he does. He didn't want to lead me on about a baby or think I might be thinking it. A N D I also said.....that he is older & I'm not ready *now* anyways.....so the timing just would not be right........& we discussed that too. So a final decision has been made....versus the uncertainty I was assuming at the time.....not because I wanted a baby so bad....just because I didn't expect to be making a final decision at 31....but I'm Ok that I am. I know why it has to be made.........
I don't want to change his mind....or my own. We have given it lots of thought.....but still people think that because I'm a female....I just *have* to have a baby & I will stop at nothing to have one.....why do women do that to other women??????
I would never push him to have a vasectomy....that would be his decision just like a tubal ligation would be mine. We will have to make that decision together too. I was only saying ...I would probably wait 3 to 5 yrs if I was in a different relationship...it woudn't be brought up now...but I totally understand why he did & why he feels the way he does. He didn't want to lead me on about a baby or think I might be thinking it. A N D I also said.....that he is older & I'm not ready *now* anyways.....so the timing just would not be right........& we discussed that too. So a final decision has been made....versus the uncertainty I was assuming at the time.....not because I wanted a baby so bad....just because I didn't expect to be making a final decision at 31....but I'm Ok that I am. I know why it has to be made.........
I don't want to change his mind....or my own. We have given it lots of thought.....but still people think that because I'm a female....I just *have* to have a baby & I will stop at nothing to have one.....why do women do that to other women??????
Nobody is "doing" anything to you. This isn't a gender thing. It's an honesty thing.
None of that wordy rehash you just wrote addresses the fact that he has told you he doesn't want kids and in that post YOU SAID "I would like us to be able to decide for sure in a few years…"
I'm not saying you have to have a baby. But your boyfriend has told you he has already decided, and your own words show that deep down you do not truly believe that his decision, i.e. "your decision," is final.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
Nobody is "doing" anything to you. This isn't a gender thing. It's an honesty thing.
None of that wordy rehash you just wrote addresses the fact that he has told you he doesn't want kids and in that post YOU SAID "I would like us to be able to decide for sure in a few years…"
I'm not saying you have to have a baby. But your boyfriend has told you he has already decided, and your own words show that deep down you do not truly believe that his decision, i.e. "your decision," is final.
You're being disingenuous.
It's not disingenuous to say I was initially undecided..or that I never thought about babies one way or the other.....& that now I have made a final decision.
E D I T: He did not make the decision for me......... ofc I am going to pick staying with an amazing man..... who has brought out & loves the girl I was before all the stuff with my ex.....over maybe having a baby in the future that I don't necessarily for sure want anyways.....
Last edited by TashaPosh; 08-06-2019 at 10:32 AM..
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