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Old 07-10-2019, 10:32 AM
 
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I would venture to guess he too felt that the date was not the best but not a total waste either. So maybe he threw out the second date to see if you were amenable to one and also not to be the one left on the hook for a phone call, he's left you in that position.
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Old 07-10-2019, 10:41 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,638 posts, read 70,531,500 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bebe182 View Post
No, I feel like if he's interested in seeing me again he'll text me
Did you ever text him to thank him for the date, and to say you enjoyed it? He may be wondering "did she really mean it" about the "yes, we can" [have a 2nd date],and takes the absence of a thank-you text to mean you were only being polite to agree to a 2nd date.
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Old 07-10-2019, 10:43 AM
 
1,607 posts, read 1,359,915 times
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Originally Posted by recuerdeme View Post
I would venture to guess he too felt that the date was not the best but not a total waste either. So maybe he threw out the second date to see if you were amenable to one and also not to be the one left on the hook for a phone call, he's left you in that position.
I dont know about that because he left off the date saying Ill definitely call you
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Old 07-10-2019, 10:48 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Did you ever text him to thank him for the date, and to say you enjoyed it? He may be wondering "did she really mean it" about the "yes, we can" [have a 2nd date],and takes the absence of a thank-you text to mean you were only being polite to agree to a 2nd date.
The thing is I said thank you at the end of the date, so I feel texting again to say the same thing is a bit of overkill. Besides in the times that I did text guys first after a first date, I kind of felt like the low hanging fruit where they just went out with me a second time cause it was convenient and it never really turned into anything, but when the guy texted me first it was a different story. So I feel like lesson learned with texting guys first after a date.
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Old 07-10-2019, 11:27 AM
 
684 posts, read 175,743 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bebe182 View Post
The thing is I said thank you at the end of the date, so I feel texting again to say the same thing is a bit of overkill. Besides in the times that I did text guys first after a first date, I kind of felt like the low hanging fruit where they just went out with me a second time cause it was convenient and it never really turned into anything, but when the guy texted me first it was a different story. So I feel like lesson learned with texting guys first after a date.
Low hanging fruit? Huh? That to me says you felt like you were making it too easy for them, but if you were into them, then so what? And if youre into this guy, then so what? Isnt it worth the chance? I hate rejection as much as anyone, and Ive got more experience at it than most people, so I get the caution. (If its a desire to feel pursued, well, I dont get that one.) But if I were as close to a possible date as you are, much less a possible second date, Id risk it on the chance that there was another factor at play other than He was just being polite.

Its your choice. Figure out which is more important, the risk or the reward.
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Old 07-10-2019, 12:06 PM
 
7,210 posts, read 8,638,436 times
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Originally Posted by bebe182 View Post
He's definitely not the quiet type, he talked a lot! And the weird part is he was flirty over text before we met, that's why when we met in person and he wasn't flirty at all I figured he just wasn't feeling the spark.
It's easy and safe to flirt when you have the barrier of a computer or phone and txting. It can be more intimidating in person.

Try not to overthink this. Pay attention to actions vs words. And don't assume anything, especially when you really don't know him very well.
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Old 07-10-2019, 12:09 PM
 
1,607 posts, read 1,359,915 times
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Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
Low hanging fruit? Huh? That to me says you felt like you were making it too easy for them, but if you were into them, then so what? And if youre into this guy, then so what? Isnt it worth the chance? I hate rejection as much as anyone, and Ive got more experience at it than most people, so I get the caution. (If its a desire to feel pursued, well, I dont get that one.) But if I were as close to a possible date as you are, much less a possible second date, Id risk it on the chance that there was another factor at play other than He was just being polite.

Its your choice. Figure out which is more important, the risk or the reward.
I don't even really have a fear of rejection in this situation, I feel like if I texted him he probably would ask me out again, but I want someone who wants to go out with me a second time enough that he would take the initiative to contact me first, especially when he said he would. I think it's one thing if he left if off with just a "talk to you soon" or something like that, but saying "I'll definitely call you" to me means you plan on calling/texting. Besides I'm looking for someone who keeps their word, if you say you'll call you should call....I don't typically say things that I have no intention of following through with, so I expect the same from others.
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Old 07-10-2019, 01:54 PM
 
Location: (six-cent-dix-sept)
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i cant tell if you like this guy or not. he obviously likes you if he said so (not sure why you dont believe him unless you caught him in other lies during your first date; then if so, why are you still considering him ?)
if you like him, then why dont you ask him out on another date ?
if you dont like him, then why would you lead on that youre interested in seeing him again.
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Old 07-10-2019, 02:15 PM
 
839 posts, read 1,098,207 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bebe182 View Post
I dont know about that because he left off the date saying Ill definitely call you
Quote:
Originally Posted by bebe182 View Post
The thing is I said thank you at the end of the date, so I feel texting again to say the same thing is a bit of overkill. Besides in the times that I did text guys first after a first date, I kind of felt like the low hanging fruit where they just went out with me a second time cause it was convenient and it never really turned into anything, but when the guy texted me first it was a different story. So I feel like lesson learned with texting guys first after a date.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bebe182 View Post
I feel like if I texted him he probably would ask me out again, but I want someone who wants to go out with me a second time enough that he would take the initiative to contact me first, especially when he said he would. I think it's one thing if he left if off with just a "talk to you soon" or something like that, but saying "I'll definitely call you" to me means you plan on calling/texting. Besides I'm looking for someone who keeps their word, if you say you'll call you should call....I don't typically say things that I have no intention of following through with, so I expect the same from others.
I totally agree. I feel like the guys that did keep messaging me and kept asking me out, were the ones that were more interested. If I did contact a guy at first, or later, sure they seemed glad, but later did not seem to be as excited, and I felt like they seemed to think I was desperate, or looking for sex. so I think that just shows that the old adage about "the chase" is true. now I don't have a lot of patience left for guys, if I'm talking to someone online and they seem to like me, but then don't contact me after 2 or 3 days, I usually just block them. I just had a thing with a guy like that, and I figured I would at least tell him before blocking him, and he was like "thank you", but also said it's a two way street...and that's true, but like you I also want someone that's interested enough to contact me and not worried about looking too eager or something, and not leave someone waiting and wondering if you act like you like them so much. I feel like, if I have to contact a guy, then what's the point?

also agree with them doing what they say. I had a similar thing w/ a guy I was talking to before, he said "talk to you tomorrow", but then he didn't message again until like 3 days later (when we talked every day before), the night before we were supposed to have plans - well why would you assume I'd still think we were on if you didn't contact me for 3 days?
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Old 07-10-2019, 02:37 PM
 
1,607 posts, read 1,359,915 times
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Originally Posted by bikegal View Post
I totally agree. I feel like the guys that did keep messaging me and kept asking me out, were the ones that were more interested. If I did contact a guy at first, or later, sure they seemed glad, but later did not seem to be as excited, and I felt like they seemed to think I was desperate, or looking for sex. so I think that just shows that the old adage about "the chase" is true. now I don't have a lot of patience left for guys, if I'm talking to someone online and they seem to like me, but then don't contact me after 2 or 3 days, I usually just block them. I just had a thing with a guy like that, and I figured I would at least tell him before blocking him, and he was like "thank you", but also said it's a two way street...and that's true, but like you I also want someone that's interested enough to contact me and not worried about looking too eager or something, and not leave someone waiting and wondering if you act like you like them so much. I feel like, if I have to contact a guy, then what's the point?

also agree with them doing what they say. I had a similar thing w/ a guy I was talking to before, he said "talk to you tomorrow", but then he didn't message again until like 3 days later (when we talked every day before), the night before we were supposed to have plans - well why would you assume I'd still think we were on if you didn't contact me for 3 days?
That's funny because the night I first spoke through text with this guy (prior to meeting), he ended the conversation saying we'd continue the next day but he had already set up the date, I didn't hear from him after that until 4 days later which was the day of the date to set up a time to meet. However that didn't bother me because prior to meeting and in the beginning I actually think it's better not to contact each other everyday.
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