U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-10-2019, 02:48 PM
 
684 posts, read 175,743 times
Reputation: 867

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by bikegal View Post
I totally agree. I feel like the guys that did keep messaging me and kept asking me out, were the ones that were more interested. If I did contact a guy at first, or later, sure they seemed glad, but later did not seem to be as excited, and I felt like they seemed to think I was desperate, or looking for sex. so I think that just shows that the old adage about "the chase" is true. now I don't have a lot of patience left for guys, if I'm talking to someone online and they seem to like me, but then don't contact me after 2 or 3 days, I usually just block them. I just had a thing with a guy like that, and I figured I would at least tell him before blocking him, and he was like "thank you", but also said it's a two way street...and that's true, but like you I also want someone that's interested enough to contact me and not worried about looking too eager or something, and not leave someone waiting and wondering if you act like you like them so much. I feel like, if I have to contact a guy, then what's the point?

also agree with them doing what they say. I had a similar thing w/ a guy I was talking to before, he said "talk to you tomorrow", but then he didn't message again until like 3 days later (when we talked every day before), the night before we were supposed to have plans - well why would you assume I'd still think we were on if you didn't contact me for 3 days?
The point in contacting a guy is to communicate your interest to him.

As far as “the chase” goes, that sounds like playing hard-to-get, which is a BAD thing for guys to pursue. What I’ve been told on here is, if a woman is interested in me, she’s going to make it easy for me to ask her out through her proximity, conversation, body language, flirtation of different sorts, etc. If she’s not interested in me, then I should leave her alone. Anything less than an enthusiastic “Yes” to an offer is a “No.” Avoid clingily texting women before/after a date...to be about my business so that she can see that I have business and am not just desperate for her attention. And to avoid “pursuit”...if she backs off, then to give her her space until she comes back, or doesn’t.

Look, I know that there are different styles and different perspectives. And if you’ve got one perspective and he’s got a different one then that’s probably an incompatibility. Maybe this guy has a similar outlook on not wanting to be a creep and couldn’t tell if you liked him or not. And that’s what should be the deciding factor to me, but then, if you don’t have a shortage of dating opportunities, then eh, make your cut where you want, I guess.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-10-2019, 03:07 PM
 
839 posts, read 1,098,207 times
Reputation: 676
Quote:
Originally Posted by bebe182 View Post
That's funny because the night I first spoke through text with this guy (prior to meeting), he ended the conversation saying we'd continue the next day but he had already set up the date, I didn't hear from him after that until 4 days later which was the day of the date to set up a time to meet. However that didn't bother me because prior to meeting and in the beginning I actually think it's better not to contact each other everyday.
yeah, it sounds kind of fishy just like the guy I was talking to...he kept messaging me the night before until I responded, and it just seemed like he probably couldn't find anyone else to take, but since he wanted to go and since I already agreed sort of...I think a lot of these guys are just kinda fishy and try to flatter and hook you, while still keeping their options open. I also said the same thing to him, that I don't say I'm going to do things. better to just say "talk to you later" than a specific date/time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2019, 03:08 PM
 
Location: (six-cent-dix-sept)
4,537 posts, read 2,319,369 times
Reputation: 2802
Quote:
Originally Posted by bebe182 View Post
No, I feel like if he's interested in seeing me again he'll text me
somewhere on c.-d.:r. will be a thread like: this girl who is planning a trip out of the country hasnt texted me her availability after i told her i want a 2nd date. would i be stalking her if i text her first ?
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
He's probably just doing that "wait three days to contact her so you don't seem too eager" thing.
texting/dating has descended into a battle of wits over who is labelled the more thirsty one of the relationship.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2019, 03:24 PM
 
839 posts, read 1,098,207 times
Reputation: 676
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
The point in contacting a guy is to communicate your interest to him.
yes, and I already mentioned this is where I've been talking to someone and it seems to be going well, and they seem pretty interested, but then disappear. and I did contact them, sometimes first. like this guy I messaged him first bc I saw that we had some similar interests that seem hard to find, so we were talking for a while, but then I got a headache and had to get off, then the next day he messaged me a couple times, then when I got on again we talked for a while again and he kept saying he'd love to go out, and asking what I wanted to do, etc...so it seems weird that if you seem so interested and keep saying you wanna go out, that then, nothing...but it seems to happen a lot, and that's why I just block them. a lot of guys online are very hot & cold.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2019, 03:24 PM
 
1,607 posts, read 1,359,915 times
Reputation: 1170
Quote:
Originally Posted by stanley-88888888 View Post
somewhere on c.-d.:r. will be a thread like: this girl who is planning a trip out of the country hasnt texted me her availability after i told her i want a 2nd date. would i be stalking her if i text her first ?


texting/dating has descended into a battle of wits over who is labelled the more thirsty one of the relationship.
I'll agree with you on that, and its probably ridiculous that I even have to post about this, but after years of dating on and off I've come to realize that the who calls/texts who first in the beginning stages really is a game whether we want to admit or not. Listen I once went on a date with a guy and at the end of the night he was honest and said he was trying to read how I felt about our date but he couldn't quite tell, I replied with we've been sitting here for 5 hours, if I didn't feel good about this date I would've left after two hours. I respected him asking me that, and even if I wasn't interested in him I would've respected it as well, it just made things easier and guess what the next morning at around 9:00am I had a text from him.

This guy did not ask me how I felt about him, he just said he'd "squeeze" a second date within basically a month's time so that alone sounded to me like he thought I was interested (whether that was the case or not). And I know I keep saying this but the "I'll definitely call you" sounds like you're pretty sure I want to hear from you. Typically in my experience men who are unsure about whether you're interested don't present a second date in this manner and don't say they'll definitely call you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2019, 03:26 PM
 
1,213 posts, read 1,222,447 times
Reputation: 524
Just ask point blank in a 1-1 fashion. Be direct, but brief. Even a lack of response would be an "answer" :/. Good luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 03:33 AM
 
43 posts, read 5,876 times
Reputation: 120
I know it's a moot point by now, been days without contact, but Bebe I agree with you. If he said he was going to call you, then he should have. Don't SAY you're going to do something and not follow through. He waffled
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 08:22 AM
 
1,607 posts, read 1,359,915 times
Reputation: 1170
Well waiting around got the best of me, and I just bit the bullet and texted him last night referring to a joke from Sunday night and never got a response. So the non response is my answer, oh well. I will say I was a little shocked because I did expect a response to the text at least, since I don't think this has ever happened to me before and I've initiated texts before to guys who showed less interest than he did. On to the next!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 08:45 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,632 posts, read 70,531,500 times
Reputation: 76618
Quote:
Originally Posted by bebe182 View Post
Well waiting around got the best of me, and I just bit the bullet and texted him last night referring to a joke from Sunday night and never got a response. So the non response is my answer, oh well. I will say I was a little shocked because I did expect a response to the text at least, since I don't think this has ever happened to me before and I've initiated texts before to guys who showed less interest than he did. On to the next!
You texted last night, when? Late, when he might've been getting ready for bed, and wasn't checking his phone?

I would be surprised if he doesn't respond to you, because it sounded like he was interested, and intended to have a 2nd date with you. I wouldn't write him off so quickly, just because he didn't text you in his sleep or something, so you'd have a response waiting for you this morning. I'm always surprised as to how quickly someone is written off, because they didn't text back within a couple of hours or whatever.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 08:52 AM
 
1,607 posts, read 1,359,915 times
Reputation: 1170
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
You texted last night, when? Late, when he might've been getting ready for bed, and wasn't checking his phone?

I would be surprised if he doesn't respond to you, because it sounded like he was interested, and intended to have a 2nd date with you. I wouldn't write him off so quickly, just because he didn't text you in his sleep or something, so you'd have a response waiting for you this morning. I'm always surprised as to how quickly someone is written off, because they didn't text back within a couple of hours or whatever.
I texted him a bit after 8pm, doubt he was getting ready for bed especially since he told me works 10am-7pm...either way I think I should’ve received a response by now. Unless he didn’t get it cause he was on the train or something, guess we’ll never know.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top