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People have choices. You can choose to marry a cripple or not. You can choose to get her pregnant or use birth control. I think the stupidity is pretty well split between the two of them.
Ok, so now I've read the full article, no the husband/father isn't mentioned BUT the article is slanted toward a particular point of view. It's about showing women with disabilities that pregnancy and parenthood are possible. If it was about marriage and relationships then perhaps more mention might have been made of her partner.
It is sad that he's not mentioned but it's possible he requested not to be.
I don't think you can really ascertain much about fatherhood or the state of their relationship from the article so I'm not really understanding how you've come to the monumental leap that men get a raw deal as fathers from that article.
I find many of your other comments in your opening post somewhat concerning not the least of which is you seem to be labouring under the illusion that she did this to herself and that he didn't agree to participate.
Anyway, I don't disagree that some men do get a raw deal as fathers but I'm not convinced you've proven that from this article and situation.
Note that in the interview, she makes no mention of her husband.
The man who married her after she was paralyzed, knowing he would be her caretaker.
The man who now, because SHE wanted to be a mother, has to take care of their baby practically by himself.
The man whose job makes it possible for her to lie in bed or in her wheelchair all day and rely on an attendant to do the physical work of motherhood.
The man who had to face the stress of catching up on 6 weeks of work after his paternity leave.
He DOES seem happy to be a father, but he also seems especially stressed and exhausted.
I feel for her situation, too, of course, but having a child was her choice, and she talks about her OWN strength nonstop.
She HAS to be strong. HE didn't have to be - he chose to be, for her. He deserves way more credit, IMO.
Are you talking about the TLC special, or the interview the link pointed to? Because, briefly reading through the interview - the interviewer didn't ask her any questions at all about how her spouse played into the equation - that would be a good reason that none of the questions relate to him. Also, since the interview is with the SPEAK foundation, which seeks out people who have overcome their personal difficulties caused by disability, it is not surprising that they focus on her strength, and how it can inspire others in her situation. I don't think "hey, hopefully you can find a husband to take care of you the rest of your life" is a very good inspirational message.
Since I don't know what was mentioned in the TLC special - I don't watch TV - maybe your other insights are correct. But, I would assume that her significant injuries qualify her for social security - meaning that her physical aide would be paid for by her, not by her spouse.
She wanted to become a mother yes, but I don't why you would assume he did NOT want to become a father. It takes two to make a baby - and (this may be completely inappropriate - sorry) but in her case, it would definitely have to be him making the first move.
He has the "stress" of catching up with work after 6 weeks of paternity leave? Umm, yeah, so does every mother or father who takes maternity or paternity leave - I don't see how he is different??
"The man who has to take care of the baby practically by himself??" - outsde of the aide who is mentioned that cares for both mom and child at the same time, and is likely paid for by a combination of health insurance/social security disability?
I do agree that most good dads don't get nearly enough credit - but I think you've used some poor examples to get your point across.
You can choose to get her pregnant or use birth control.
birth control isn't effective if used incorrectly. Same thing with condoms. Condom - only 95% effective. I think that is one of the reasons why abortion is so high. People ARE using birth control but birth control is not 100% effective. People are having sex a lot more than they used to so it is like playing the odds. The more sex you have, the more likely you are to have a kid EVEN with birth control.
None the less though, the laws are biased towards women. How many times do you see a custodial father get the children? like less than 5%. Nearly 85% of all child support payments are from men to women (to the tune of $40 billion per annum). That tells you something. The law is biased to favor women. I know one guy who is fighting to get JOINT custody of his child. The girl he knocked up wants sole custody.
Also another thing to mention is if the man is well endowed (wealthy or high income) there isn't much incentive for a woman to use birth control. If he knocks you up you get 25%+ of his income for the next 18 years! Not to mention he is probably more likely to marry you if he knocks you up. This is one of the reasons I stress men to know EARLY in life if they want kids or not because they are the ones paying. If you want kids - abstinence until you find the right girl. If you don't want kids, get a vasectomy or freeze sperm. Yes it is costly but if you are wealthy it sure beats paying 25% of your income for the next 18 years to some girl who just wanted to get knocked up.
Unfortunately, not many men these days take responsibility and they end up paying and paying and paying. Knowledge is power!
Are you talking about the TLC special, or the interview the link pointed to? [cut for length] ...I don't think "hey, hopefully you can find a husband to take care of you the rest of your life" is a very good inspirational message.
I was talking more about the special - I just posted that link so people would have more than just my impressions to go by.
And yeah, I don't think that is the message, either. But one gets the impression that people who face obstacles such as hers overcome them 100% by themselves in the name of "inspiration." I see 2 things wrong with this. 1) It sets viewers up for failure - if they expect to get by without any help, and discover they can't, they will think there is something wrong with them as individuals and become depressed. And 2) No gratitude.
[cut]...But, I would assume that her significant injuries qualify her for social security - meaning that her physical aide would be paid for by her, not by her spouse.
I don't know. I hope so. But even with just a "normal" financial burden, he definitely has more work waiting for him when he gets home than most parents.
She wanted to become a mother yes, but I don't why you would assume he did NOT want to become a father. It takes two to make a baby - and (this may be completely inappropriate - sorry) but in her case, it would definitely have to be him making the first move.
Very true! I'm not assuming he didn't want to be a father, I just wish he got at least equal credit for the work involved. (Sidenote: there are plenty of mothers/wives who do 95% of the child-rearing and housework while working outside the home - I'm not discounting that, I just think the father issue is not talked about nearly enough.)
He has the "stress" of catching up with work after 6 weeks of paternity leave? Umm, yeah, so does every mother or father who takes maternity or paternity leave - I don't see how he is different??
She still gets to stay home. They both have a child, but only he has to earn money. That's a lot of pressure for the man who has been taught by society that he must be a provider. As with most stay-at-home mothers, she has one job, he has two. (Nothing wrong with SAH mothers - this thread is not about that issue.)
"The man who has to take care of the baby practically by himself??" - outsde of the aide who is mentioned that cares for both mom and child at the same time, and is likely paid for by a combination of health insurance/social security disability?
From the TLC special: He was fulfilling both roles before he insisted that she hire the aide. She never had an aide before she gave birth.
I do agree that most good dads don't get nearly enough credit - but I think you've used some poor examples to get your point across.
There are plenty of examples, this one just happened to strike a chord with me this evening. I didn't mean for it to be representative of all fathers - actually, it's an extreme example. I just wanted to get a conversation started, and the more provacative, the better, to get readers' attention.
None the less though, the laws are biased towards women. How many times do you see a custodial father get the children? like less than 5%. Nearly 85% of all child support payments are from men to women (to the tune of $40 billion per annum). That tells you something. The law is biased to favor women. I know one guy who is fighting to get JOINT custody of his child. The girl he knocked up wants sole custody.
Not only that, but because it is the woman's prerogative to carry a child to term or not, even if the father wants her to have an abortion, he is forced to pay child support because of HER choice.
I think that if a man submits, in writing, a legally binding statement relinquishing all rights as a father before the child is born, AND before the latest time at which an abortion is possible so that the woman can still change her mind, he should not be forced to pay child support.
Ok, so now I've read the full article, no the husband/father isn't mentioned BUT the article is slanted toward a particular point of view. It's about showing women with disabilities that pregnancy and parenthood are possible. If it was about marriage and relationships then perhaps more mention might have been made of her partner.
It is sad that he's not mentioned but it's possible he requested not to be.
I don't think you can really ascertain much about fatherhood or the state of their relationship from the article so I'm not really understanding how you've come to the monumental leap that men get a raw deal as fathers from that article.
I find many of your other comments in your opening post somewhat concerning not the least of which is you seem to be labouring under the illusion that she did this to herself and that he didn't agree to participate.
Anyway, I don't disagree that some men do get a raw deal as fathers but I'm not convinced you've proven that from this article and situation.
Fair points. As I just said to another poster, I didn't mean to imply that this extreme situation was representative of all fathers. But, it IS an example of how far the "raw deal" can go in a culture where all mothers are heroic goddesses and all men are doofuses a la "Everybody Loves Raymond."
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I'm not assuming he didn't want to be a father, I just wish he got at least equal credit for the work involved. (Sidenote: there are plenty of mothers/wives who do 95% of the child-rearing and housework while working outside the home - I'm not discounting that, I just think the father issue is not talked about nearly enough.)
