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Old 07-09-2019, 03:18 PM
 
7,372 posts, read 4,224,066 times
Reputation: 5060

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I am a very early person. I am rarely late to anything. My fiancé is on time to work, but for social events it is like pulling teeth to get him out the door. Well actually, he gets out the door on time when it is his own plans. Things that I or the kids want to do, he takes his sweet time.

I have stated he doesn’t have to go, but if he never chooses to do things with us, I don’t see the point of him being in our lives. I have tried a few tactics with him, with no suck luck. I have left without him. I have tried nagging him with the time. We have sat in the car, honking the horn.

What is the best way to deal without someone that causes everyone to be late?

Right now I am supposed to meet my parents and son for dinner in 45 minutes. He is in the bathroom watching YouTube videos. I have to stop at their house and pick up something and have a 45-60 minute drive to even get to the restaurant.

He is always forcing me to drive like a nut to get somewhere on time.

 
Old 07-09-2019, 03:24 PM
 
1,965 posts, read 958,731 times
Reputation: 5293
Change the lock. He has nowhere else to go, likely.
 
Old 07-09-2019, 03:26 PM
 
Location: 49th parallel
2,600 posts, read 1,360,393 times
Reputation: 5395
Despite your worries about doing things without him putting a damper on your relationship, it seems you may have to do your own thing just in order to stay sane in this relationship.

The fact that he gets to the things he wants to do on time makes me think that he's not much interested in the things you are planning for your family, like going to dinner with your parents, etc. He doesn't say he doesn't want to do them, but his actions speak louder than his words. Why not discuss all social arrangements with him before planning them and find out what he wants to do. There are ways to make him think some of the things you want to do are his idea if you are cagey enough!
 
Old 07-09-2019, 03:26 PM
 
Location: In the Pearl of the Purchase, Ky
7,410 posts, read 12,943,331 times
Reputation: 30970
Friend of mine had the same problem. Her husband got two warnings in 10 minutes. If he still wasn't ready, she drove off and left him home. And she started the warnings around 30 minutes before time to be there. After a while she would just tell him where they were asked to go and what time, then asked if he was going to be ready. If the answer was no, she wouldn't even remind him when it was time to go. She'd just drive on by herself.
You just have to face the fact that he could care less what time you're supposed to be there. If he was sitting in the bathroom watching Youtube, a blind man could see that he doesn't want to go. The hell with it. Go alone! If he wants to show up he'll find a way to get there. Don't let him drag you down.
 
Old 07-09-2019, 03:36 PM
 
6,787 posts, read 3,859,912 times
Reputation: 15491
He enjoys "punishing" you for making him do something he doesn't care about, so stop giving him the power to make you mad/frustrated. That is exactly what he is trying to do. Simply tell him calmly and in few words that if he is not ready to go at the deccided time, you will leave without him. Keep doing it until he changes. If he keeps it up, I personally would re-think the relationship. To me his behavior signifies selfishness and lacking in caring about you & your kids.
 
Old 07-09-2019, 03:42 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,025 posts, read 17,342,168 times
Reputation: 41321
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
He enjoys "punishing" you for making him do something he doesn't care about, so stop giving him the power to make you mad/frustrated. That is exactly what he is trying to do. Simply tell him calmly and in few words that if he is not ready to go at the deccided time, you will leave without him. Keep doing it until he changes. If he keeps it up, I personally would re-think the relationship. To me his behavior signifies selfishness and lacking in caring about you & your kids.
Well said.
 
Old 07-09-2019, 03:48 PM
 
Location: Moreno Valley, Ca
1,989 posts, read 1,303,665 times
Reputation: 4270
You complain so much about him and are seemingly not happy. Why are you WITH him?

Or do you secretly like the drama and chaos?
 
Old 07-09-2019, 03:54 PM
 
12,334 posts, read 13,571,094 times
Reputation: 14322
Quote:
Originally Posted by mlj1225 View Post
You complain so much about him and are seemingly not happy. Why are you WITH him?

Or do you secretly like the drama and chaos?
Oh oh oh! I know! I know!
 
Old 07-09-2019, 03:57 PM
 
3,546 posts, read 1,360,288 times
Reputation: 6955
a definition of Middle Age is:
you do not care where your wife goes,
as long as you do not have to go with her.
 
Old 07-09-2019, 04:47 PM
 
Location: Pacific Northwest
1,534 posts, read 691,693 times
Reputation: 3094
Quote:
Originally Posted by mlj1225 View Post
You complain so much about him and are seemingly not happy. Why are you WITH him?
Exactly.

OP, kick his arse to the curb already. Let him be late from watching you-tube videos on the toilet in someone else's house.
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