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Old 07-09-2019, 10:22 PM
8,572 posts, read 7,147,428 times
Reputation: 9028


Depression and generally hating my daily circumstances and routines is the only thing at that age that would have ever stopped me from being interested in sex.

How is his outlook on things? Does he seem happy with life?
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Old 07-09-2019, 10:28 PM
Location: State of Transition
78,813 posts, read 70,635,877 times
Reputation: 76784
Originally Posted by redplum33 View Post
Are you spending time with him daily? Or only seeing him in person every other weekend?
This would be pretty basic info for us to have.

OP, are you sure he's into you? How's the relationship otherwise? Doesn't sound like there is much of one. Are you two living together?
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Old 07-09-2019, 10:46 PM
Location: Kaliforneea
1,261 posts, read 950,528 times
Reputation: 2097
- has he struggled with depression before?
- has you or he gained a lot of weight?
- is he watching porn all the time you're not around - time to examine the phone/browser history/setup URL logging on the wifi router
- is he on SSRI meds? Does he use opiates, or weed?
- is he gay or bisexual and using you as his "beard"?

I'm much older than 24, and I'd practically murder someone(*) for a 24 yr old girlfriend with a higher sex drive than mine.

(*) I said practically, as in hyperbole, as in exaggeration, you nutjobs.
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Old 07-09-2019, 11:13 PM
Location: Middle America
36,665 posts, read 41,948,231 times
Reputation: 50554
He could be:

-No longer interested specifically in you, for any number of a variety of reasons
-Depressed or with other mental health issues that affect libido
-On medication that affects libido
-Accessing porn for release and that's taking place of an in-person sex life
-Low testosterone
-Dealing with impotence

Any number of things. It's hard to say without more info.
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Old 07-10-2019, 05:53 AM
Location: Crook County, Illinois
3,517 posts, read 1,606,510 times
Reputation: 4410
I'll go where no one has gone before yet: the OP's boyfriend is worried about the obligations sex might bring on. Like having arrange a romantic night prior or a few days after, getting in the doghouse for falling asleep right afterwards, having a fight over suggesting something too edgy, risk getting MeToo'ed, etc. So by avoiding sex, he wants to avoid the obligations. He kind of knows it's not a no-strings, consequence-free sex done out of desire, but has no words to properly express it.

Is he affectionate in other ways? Like cuddling, kissing, and such; things that aren't a sexual act but still allow closeness.

Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 07-10-2019 at 06:08 AM..
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Old 07-10-2019, 06:58 AM
71 posts, read 20,178 times
Reputation: 127
This sounds exactly like what my relationship was like with my now ex husband and I. I always initiated everything and it usually didn't interest him after all my efforts. It turned out he was gay and was using me to cover it all up (it was a time of don't ask, don't tell in the military).

I am not saying that's the issue you have, but it's one possibility. Your boyfriend might not even be gay, there might be another reason for his lack of intimacy.

In the end, if it's not working for you, I would recommend considering leaving the relationship if you've tried everything to "fix" the issue and nothing is working. You aren't married yet, so don't make the same mistake I did. Find someone more compatible or you'll end up in a sexually frustrating relationship.
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Old 07-10-2019, 07:17 AM
10,217 posts, read 4,079,456 times
Reputation: 25855
You date to learn if you are a match with someone else.

You don't pick a person, and then decide that no matter what, you'll make a long term relationship with them work.

It sounds like you aren't a match.
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Old 07-10-2019, 07:23 AM
Location: San Diego
35,234 posts, read 32,187,063 times
Reputation: 19762
Honestly, at that age I was a major horn dog but my GF gained a LOT of weight in a short time and I became very un-attracted to her. I still loved her but sex just sucked. We should have talked but she was already self consumed and it would have made it worse. We just drifted apart. Communication is key.
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Old 07-10-2019, 07:38 AM
Location: SC
1,966 posts, read 1,167,188 times
Reputation: 3194
OP- you are both young. And there could be so many different reasons as to why he won't participate. Only HE would know the reason. Or not.

There are only so many things you can do too;
- accept it
-leave the relationship and move on

You are the only person YOU can change. He has to have the desire to communicate with you about this issue. He won't just flip a switch and change how he is.

I am sorry you are having to face this in a relationship with someone you care about, but unfortunately, that is adulthood and real life. Not everyone is a match.

The purpose of dating is to get to know someone. If there is nothing there to build on, then it might be time to cut your losses and move on.

Whatever the issue is with him, YOU cannot fix it. He has to acknowledge it and be the one to make changes.
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Old 07-10-2019, 07:49 AM
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,650 posts, read 33,451,681 times
Reputation: 32369
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
We still don't know why he's tired, or claims to be tired so much, after 40 hrs. of work. Maybe it's intense work; maybe they crack the whip, and expect the warehouse pickers to really move product, but you'd think that on weekends, he'd recover from that, and would have some energy.

What does he do on the weekends, OP? Does he just veg out all the time? Is he depressed, maybe? Does he hate his job, is that it?
Iíve done warehouse work on a temp basis. Key work there, TEMP. It can be exhausting, especially if he is picking. Pickers can sometime walk 12 miles a day and that is not even with the weight of carrying products. That will drain you, yes even a healthy 24 year old guy.
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