U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-10-2019, 08:00 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,813 posts, read 70,635,877 times
Reputation: 76794

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
I'll go where no one has gone before yet: the OP's boyfriend is worried about the obligations sex might bring on. Like having arrange a romantic night prior or a few days after, getting in the doghouse for falling asleep right afterwards, having a fight over suggesting something too edgy, risk getting MeToo'ed, etc. So by avoiding sex, he wants to avoid the obligations. He kind of knows it's not a no-strings, consequence-free sex done out of desire, but has no words to properly express it.

Is he affectionate in other ways? Like cuddling, kissing, and such; things that aren't a sexual act but still allow closeness.
This sounds like you haven't even read or understood the OP. Why would he need to arrange a romantic night prior to sex? The OP is initiating. Even if she weren't initiating, who needs some kind of orchestrated scenario? You've been watching too many 1940's movies. And they've been together for a year; they're not going to have a fight over some surprise "edgy" request out of nowhere. They know each other well at this point. Why would he "get MeToo'ed"??! They're bf & gf, and have been for a year! It's not like she's going to him for a job interview and he lays a quid pro quo on her.

I think you wandered into the wrong thread. Go back to your bro blogs, and let us handle the live humans and their issues.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-10-2019, 08:03 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,813 posts, read 70,635,877 times
Reputation: 76794
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
I’ve done warehouse work on a temp basis. Key work there, TEMP. It can be exhausting, especially if he is picking. Pickers can sometime walk 12 miles a day and that is not even with the weight of carrying products. That will drain you, yes even a healthy 24 year old guy.
Thank you. Now, this is a helpful post. I've heard, that at Amazon, for example, they really run the warehouse people ragged, and the pay is lousy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2019, 08:09 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,813 posts, read 70,635,877 times
Reputation: 76794
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
You date to learn if you are a match with someone else.

You don't pick a person, and then decide that no matter what, you'll make a long term relationship with them work.

It sounds like you aren't a match.
Good point. It also seems, that he's in a physically draining job, apparently because he's not qualified for anything but unskilled labor? How is he going to survive through the rest of his adulthood? Does he have any plans to go to school part-time, to improve his job prospects? Is the OP similarly unskilled, so they're a match in that regard, or does she have a college degree?

Maybe the OP feels, that leaving him because he's in a tough job would be unkind, and she wants to show her support, but I wonder if there are any prospects for improvement of his work life on the horizon at all. Maybe this is as good as it gets for this guy...?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2019, 08:45 AM
 
9 posts, read 4,094 times
Reputation: 20
**UPDATE**
As I told you guys in the original post His reasons for not wanting to were because of work and being stressed mostly. We were friends before the relationship so Keep in mind all these reasons been were issues before we even made it official and even throughout. As I took some of you guys awesome suggestions I left the situation alone because hey I cant do much. But here’s the catch.. now he wants to ! I know some of you are gonna say “well you got what you wanted” but my thing is we’ve been intimate with those same reasons then all of a sudden he turns me down for a month because of it then 24hrs (same stress same job) later he’s all on me !! He says its because it makes him want me more but it sounds a little bit suspicious. its funny because in the beginning talk to him I told him that rejecting me will cause me to have resentment and not want to do anything which is how I feel now but any who..

to answer some questions I seen. No we don't live together but we are together every day. He’s attempting to get in a higher position in his job but having difficulties. No he’s not big on porn (lol) I think he may have PTSD because his sister died 2 years ago but he claims it doesn't effect him as much anymore because “if its your time its your time”

But THANK YOU GUYS SOO MUCH for your comments and replies I needed unbiased opinions & some truly were helpful )
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2019, 08:55 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,813 posts, read 70,635,877 times
Reputation: 76794
Quote:
Originally Posted by ari21 View Post
**UPDATE**
As I told you guys in the original post His reasons for not wanting to were because of work and being stressed mostly. We were friends before the relationship so Keep in mind all these reasons been were issues before we even made it official and even throughout. As I took some of you guys awesome suggestions I left the situation alone because hey I cant do much. But here’s the catch.. now he wants to ! I know some of you are gonna say “well you got what you wanted” but my thing is we’ve been intimate with those same reasons then all of a sudden he turns me down for a month because of it then 24hrs (same stress same job) later he’s all on me !! He says its because it makes him want me more but it sounds a little bit suspicious. its funny because in the beginning talk to him I told him that rejecting me will cause me to have resentment and not want to do anything which is how I feel now but any who..

to answer some questions I seen. No we don't live together but we are together every day. He’s attempting to get in a higher position in his job but having difficulties. No he’s not big on porn (lol) I think he may have PTSD because his sister died 2 years ago but he claims it doesn't effect him as much anymore because “if its your time its your time”

But THANK YOU GUYS SOO MUCH for your comments and replies I needed unbiased opinions & some truly were helpful )
Thanks for the update. I'm not following the bolded, though.

So you guys had a decent level of activity for nearly a year. Then suddenly, he turned you down consistently for a month. Then "24 hours later" he bounced back. 24 hrs. after what? After you decided to let it go, and occupy yourself with other things? 24 hours after posting here? What 24 hrs.?

You say it seems suspicious, but you see him every day, so the chances that he suddenly found another female distraction are slim. His hours or habits didn't change during the month he was turning you down, right?

hmm....

And what is this "it" that makes him want you more? I guess I can see how it seems like he's not communicating something with you: why his interest suddenly dropped off, and then just as suddenly, dropped back on.

Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 07-10-2019 at 09:17 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2019, 08:58 AM
 
Location: So Cal
40,508 posts, read 40,005,366 times
Reputation: 41942
If he's under 30 I'd suggest he look into his hormone levels, at least rule out any physical issues.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2019, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,890 posts, read 25,335,938 times
Reputation: 26388
When a 24yo male doesn't want sex with a willing partner my best guess is porn addiction. You are there for friendship, a paycheck, and maid service. But why doesn't really matter. If he can't meet your needs at 24, it's a sure bet he won't at 34 or 44 either. You are not compatible. Do not advance this relationship. Don't get married/engaged/pregnant. Put a clock on it. If it's not fixed by X, it's time to move on. Dating is all about judging potential partners, there should be rejects.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2019, 09:36 AM
 
4,054 posts, read 2,623,940 times
Reputation: 8787
Quote:
Originally Posted by ari21 View Post
**UPDATE**
As I told you guys in the original post His reasons for not wanting to were because of work and being stressed mostly. We were friends before the relationship so Keep in mind all these reasons been were issues before we even made it official and even throughout. As I took some of you guys awesome suggestions I left the situation alone because hey I cant do much. But here’s the catch.. now he wants to ! I know some of you are gonna say “well you got what you wanted” but my thing is we’ve been intimate with those same reasons then all of a sudden he turns me down for a month because of it then 24hrs (same stress same job) later he’s all on me !! He says its because it makes him want me more but it sounds a little bit suspicious. its funny because in the beginning talk to him I told him that rejecting me will cause me to have resentment and not want to do anything which is how I feel now but any who..

to answer some questions I seen. No we don't live together but we are together every day. He’s attempting to get in a higher position in his job but having difficulties. No he’s not big on porn (lol) I think he may have PTSD because his sister died 2 years ago but he claims it doesn't effect him as much anymore because “if its your time its your time”

But THANK YOU GUYS SOO MUCH for your comments and replies I needed unbiased opinions & some truly were helpful )

Glad things are better but the sudden turn around makes me suspicious. I wonder if he had a girl on the side before and that's where all his energy was going. If that's true and she side chick is now out of the picture, now you are the sole focus of his attention. I have no clue if this is the case of course but it seems odd that if nothing else has changed, he suddenly does a complete reversal.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2019, 09:44 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,362 posts, read 41,900,880 times
Reputation: 83306
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rowan123 View Post
Glad things are better but the sudden turn around makes me suspicious. I wonder if he had a girl on the side before and that's where all his energy was going. If that's true and she side chick is now out of the picture, now you are the sole focus of his attention. I have no clue if this is the case of course but it seems odd that if nothing else has changed, he suddenly does a complete reversal.
I agree. I don't understand this update at all.

It's more like, "Nevermind!"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2019, 09:52 AM
 
9 posts, read 4,094 times
Reputation: 20
Ohh okay I can see how I made it confusing. Its been an issue but I meant as in 24 hours after posting on here he decides that he is up for it which is sort of convenient. I’ve been dealing but I came to the forum for MORE suggestions/opinions on how to deal with the rejection & then BOOM 24hrs later Lol and nothing dramatically has changed during the month
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top