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Old Yesterday, 12:31 AM
 
7,408 posts, read 2,932,536 times
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She’s some girl you see at school. That’s all you described, in great exacting, borderline obsessive detail. It’s not normal to remember how many minutes someone talked to you last Wednesday. What is the reason you don’t ask her out?
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Old Yesterday, 12:45 AM
 
4,739 posts, read 1,430,185 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anoxfordman View Post
In general, I'd like to think that I'm good at analyzing interest from the opposite sex. Most women are friendly but, cordial and brief when they want to keep unwanted attention from males away. So it's extremely perplexing when someone is smiling, staring at you and wanting to have deep conversations with you one day only to be cold and distant the next. But, I agree. And I will just mind my own business going forward.
Seems foolish.

You don't need to necessarily "pursue" her, but it makes no sense to brush her off.

My advice: the next time she's having a deep conversation with you, interrupt her, apologize for interrupting, and say you just remembered you need to go do something. She'll probably say "ok" or "no problem". From there, either...

1) say something like "hey, if you want to come with me, we can continue this conversation". Make sure this involves going somewhere in your car, not just doing something on campus.

or

2) say something like "if you want, you can call me or text me later" and give her your number.

I'd recommend trying #1. If she doesn't go with you, then go with #2.

If she does go with you, still go with #2 when you're done.
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Old Yesterday, 01:23 AM
 
4,739 posts, read 1,430,185 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by james112 View Post
She has some interest in you, but not 100% interest. It's it least 50% interest. Maybe more.

Do you pursue her? When do you know if you should pursue a girl? Answer- if she has at least 50% or more interest in you. So yes you can pursue her but her interest may only be 60% and you have work to do to raise it.
I may regret asking this, but...

James, how does one distinguish between say 40% interest and 60% interest? In both cases there's interest but not complete interest.
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Old Yesterday, 04:13 AM
 
12,338 posts, read 13,576,420 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anoxfordman View Post
There's this girl that I go to school with (currently in summer session for college). She's extraordinarily beautiful. Most of the guys in our classes and around campus in general always find reasons to be around her. Whenever she needs help with something, there's like three dudes around to help out. It's hilarious looking at it. Which is why I avoided her early on so I wouldn't be the 20th guy drooling over her. In general, I avoid women UNLESS they initiate contact with me first then I'll be talkative back with them. And this generally works out for me. Most women will give you a hint they want to talk to you and from there I'll get to know them. I'm cool with most of the girls at school because they're cool back with me. This girl however I can't get a read on.

There has been multiple times over the past month (roughly 4 or 5) where we've been alone whether through us just randomly being in the same place, her choosing to come sit next to me or her coming around me to ask something. And it would turn to us to talking for 15-20 minutes. Because I didn't want to be the 20th guy drooling over her, at times I would try to cut the conversation short to keep it casual and she would try to keep the conversation going by changing the subject or by asking me something else. So I would take that as a sign of us being cool or there being some interest. But then when I would see her again in class or around campus the next day, I would say hi but, then I'd get the vibe from her suddenly that I was being a pest or bothering her. It just didn't make sense that the girl that just spilled her life to me for 20 minutes straight would barely say anything back when I said hi the next day. So feeling the disinterest I would disengage from her completely and go back to minding my own business. And I just went back to talking to some of the other girls in class who weren't like a yo-yo in behavior. Then she would start back, smiling at me in passing in the halls. Sitting next to me in class and in group sessions. Walking around my desk. Asking for my help for everything and talking to me in chats.

Usually I leave class late and if she hangs around that day, I'll let her leave first so she won't think I"m trying to talk to her. Most days she leaves early with everyone else so it's not a problem. So the other day she left and I was still packing up to leave. Two minutes or so go by and she comes back to say something to the teacher and I walk out and while I'm halfway down the hall she catches up to me and starts a convo with me. And we end up walking out to the car lot together. And like before, she's talking to me about everything. And it feels kinda like it feels when previous girlfriends and I first started talking. Thats why I can't read her correctly. And because I can't tell if she's interested or not, once we got out to the car lot, I tried to keep it casual, turn to go to my car and motion to say goodbye but, instead of going to hers and saying goodbye, she hung around and slowed up when I started walking away and kept talking and we ended up talking for another 5 minutes or so. So, naturally, I thought maybe I read her disinterest wrong before. Then yesterday, I'm packing up to leave and she stayed behind again. I was going to let her leave first because again, I don't know if she's interested or just being friendly, and I don't want her to think I'm constantly waiting to leave exactly the same time as her but, after she got up, she ended up waiting around to talk to the teacher and I left. Right as I left, she left shortly after. I was going to turn back around to say something to her because it felt rude not to with her walking right behind me but, when I did, she got on her phone almost like she wanted me to leave her alone, so I just waived bye and walked the other way. Its so much weirdness with her. Am I looking too deep into this? And should I just leave her alone entirely going forward? I have no problems doing that, and its easier for me to just go back to not talking to her instead of thinking there's anything there. But when I did that last time, she kept constantly finding reasons to talk to me.
She likes you.

Hereís the thing. Guys flock to her. You donít. Why? She has to find out.

Talking with you is then ended and you leave. She gets upset. She uses thee ole ĎI will be mad and he will coming running up to me and apologize.í Nope. You wave and talk to other girls.

She approaches again to show her existence and you begin to acknowledge her once again.

You are the challenge. It works all the time for guys who play it cool with a girl he knows may be into him.

She may just be a game player. Best way to find out is if you invite her to join you in the cafeteria for some food. See what happens.
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Old Yesterday, 06:43 AM
 
310 posts, read 83,546 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33 View Post
I may regret asking this, but...

James, how does one distinguish between say 40% interest and 60% interest? In both cases there's interest but not complete interest.
Just always be observant and aware of a woman's behavior around you. You're looking for signs of attraction. Attraction comes from nature, and yes woman are attracted to some men by nature just as men are to woman, they can't help it. It's there or it's not. Whether it's 40, 50, 60% is hard to know but if she has some attraction to you, you'll know it. Start with observing woman around you if they are type 1, 2, or 3:

1=very little no interest
2=some interest
3=high interest

Every woman will be a 1, 2, or 3. Just be observant and make note. Type 1's are easy to determine, they don't care to be around you. You need to forget them. Type 1's may be very beautiful but have no interest in you. Guys waste time and effort trying to get her to like him. Waste of time.

Type 3's have high interest and easy to know. My ex couldn't keep her eyes off me, wanted to sit next to me, etc. She had almost 100% interest in me right off.

Type 2's show some interest but it's not high, and it's not low. Whether it's 40, 50, 60% is hard to know but if she has some attraction to you, you'll know it. It could be someone you are very attracted to, and it will require effort on the guy's' part to raise her interest in him if there's any hope of becoming a match. With time and attention given to her, her interest can go up.

If the guy is very attracted to her she can detect that very easily, but his high interest in her is not what raises her attraction to him. Once she knows a guy likes her, she doesn't have to do things to attract him, there's no challenge for her. It's like a cat playing with a mouse. She, the cat, loves the challenge of catching the mouse, the guy. In same way, if a guy shows interest in her, and doesn't chase her, is very challenging to her- why isn't he chasing her? She's thinking, does he like me or not? This raises her interest in him and she may then do things to attract (catch) him.

Most woman will not be a 3 (high interest) right off. The girl the OP is talking about is showing some interest, but not just 50/50. It's higher. And he is not chasing her, which is the right thing to do, but he doesn't realize that. He's not pursuing her because he's confused about her interest level. He doesn't want to waste time and effort raising a woman's interest level. He doesn't know that his not chasing her, not acting like a little puppy, is keeping her interest in him from fading. Which is good. He's a challenge to her.

She has made plenty effort showing interest in him. But she is not at 90-100% interest. She's 60-70 my guess. The ball is in his court and the incidental convos are getting old.


I have a lady friend who shows some interest in me, and I think hiding a higher level of interest then she lets on. When I initiate a long convo, she will open up and talk about anything and not say "have to go" soon. But I have to initiate the convo. What's interesting is that she will not initiate a long convo but she sticks around the place, when she could have left, so that I can initiate a longer convo. I think she feels that if she initiated longer convos would be too revealing of what interest she has in me, and that it's my job to initiate them. She may have a higher interest in me than I think.

Last edited by james112; Yesterday at 07:03 AM..
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Old Yesterday, 06:51 AM
 
1,974 posts, read 960,836 times
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These guys are nailing it.

Only thing I'll add is that its just a game sometimes. Once she gets your full attention she's satisfied and will move on.
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Old Yesterday, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
8,786 posts, read 7,704,486 times
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Stay away from women in college or at work. You're leaving yourself open to being accused of sexual harassment. You could find yourself kicked out of college forever. Don't talk or stare at them.

Besides, beautiful women get attention from tons of men. Why fight all that competition. In my experience, some very attractive women go almost completely unnoticed for some reason. Go there, and you might find a real gem. Some women are late bloomers.
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Old Yesterday, 03:18 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,681 posts, read 70,554,766 times
Reputation: 76645
Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33 View Post
Seems foolish.

You don't need to necessarily "pursue" her, but it makes no sense to brush her off.

.
IMO it makes perfect sense to brush her off, given that her interest isn't serious or genuine.
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Old Yesterday, 03:20 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,681 posts, read 70,554,766 times
Reputation: 76645
Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie View Post
Stay away from women in college or at work. You're leaving yourself open to being accused of sexual harassment. You could find yourself kicked out of college forever. Don't talk or stare at them.
Right; kicked out of college for talking to a fellow student after class, after she returns to the classroom to initiate a conversation with you. Sure thing.

Hyperbole much? Nobody's buying what you're selling augie. Give it a rest.
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Old Yesterday, 03:23 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,681 posts, read 70,554,766 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
She’s some girl you see at school. That’s all you described, in great exacting, borderline obsessive detail. It’s not normal to remember how many minutes someone talked to you last Wednesday. What is the reason you don’t ask her out?
Because she goes cold on him, as soon as he responds to her overtures, and because she also tries to make some of her overtures ambiguous, so she can pretend she wasn't starting anything. Classic game-playing behavior.

Probably if the OP were to ask her out, if only for coffee or whatever, she'd make up an excuse as to why she can't. She'll have achieved her goal, so she won't need his attention anymore.

The OP needs this like he needs a hole in the head. Why should he ask her out, when he's already friendly with a number of other women at school, who are more straightforward and normal? Because she'd make good arm candy? She's also stuck on herself, thinking she can get any guy, even one that behaves indifferently toward her, like the OP. So he'd have to deal with her ego. The $20,000 question: is arm candy worth the aggravation? Only the OP can answer that, an he already has. Said he'll mind his own business in the future. Smart guy. Let's see if he manages to hold out.
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