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Old 07-14-2019, 11:45 AM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,649 posts, read 4,894,902 times
Reputation: 12583

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I just say Op needs to figure it out on his own. It's impossible to say who feels what without actually being those individuals or seeing them. A person's actions and what they're thinking doesn't always align. We only have guesses. Op's on his own.
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Old 07-14-2019, 12:26 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,932 posts, read 70,745,369 times
Reputation: 76907
Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33 View Post
That could be said about any situation.


Because that's how life generally works.


I think you misinterpreted my "go for it" comment. He likes her and (despite what Ruth believes) she likes him. Why on earth would he walk away? Why??
Because she's probably more trouble than she's worth. The thread is going in circles, now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33;
And now you seem to be suggesting she might pull a fake #metoo on him and ruin his life.


I'm sorry, Lou, but this makes no sense at all to me. Please explain why you think that would be a better option.
IDK about women around town who aren't students, but the OP already has plenty of prospects in his circle. He began the thread by saying, he's good at being "cool" around women, and has a number of women friends from his classes. He has lots of options with women he actually gets along with, and who are straightforward with him.
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Old 07-14-2019, 12:33 PM
 
4,818 posts, read 1,457,278 times
Reputation: 6633
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Because she's probably more trouble than she's worth. The thread is going in circles, now.
IDK about women around town who aren't students, but the OP already has plenty of prospects in his circle. He began the thread by saying, he's good at being "cool" around women, and has a number of women friends from his classes. He has lots of options with women he actually gets along with, and who are straightforward with him.
All the OP said was: "I'm cool with most of the girls at school because they're cool back with me."

You're reading way too much into that.
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Old 07-14-2019, 12:35 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,932 posts, read 70,745,369 times
Reputation: 76907
Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33 View Post
All the OP said was: "I'm cool with most of the girls at school because they're cool back with me."

You're reading way too much into that.
His sentence just before that was this:

Quote:
Most women will give you a hint they want to talk to you and from there I'll get to know them.
Context is everything.
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Old 07-14-2019, 12:51 PM
 
4,818 posts, read 1,457,278 times
Reputation: 6633
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Because she's probably more trouble than she's worth. The thread is going in circles, now.
IDK about women around town who aren't students, but the OP already has plenty of prospects in his circle. He began the thread by saying, he's good at being "cool" around women, and has a number of women friends from his classes. He has lots of options with women he actually gets along with, and who are straightforward with him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33 View Post
All the OP said was: "I'm cool with most of the girls at school because they're cool back with me."

You're reading way too much into that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
His sentence just before that was this:

Quote:
Most women will give you a hint they want to talk to you and from there I'll get to know them.

Context is everything.
Yes, context is everything, and the sentence you quoted is unrelated. That sentence went along with his previous 2 sentences:

"In general, I avoid women UNLESS they initiate contact with me first then I'll be talkative back with them. And this generally works out for me. Most women will give you a hint they want to talk to you and from there I'll get to know them."

There is absolutely nothing the OP wrote that even remotely suggests that:

"the OP already has plenty of prospects in his circle."

"he's good at being "cool" around women"

"has a number of women friends from his classes."

"He has lots of options with women he actually gets along with, and who are straightforward with him."

Nothing! Zilch!
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Old 07-14-2019, 01:21 PM
 
4,818 posts, read 1,457,278 times
Reputation: 6633
Ruth, even if what you wrote were accurate (it's not), why would any of that matter? The OP has expressed a strong interest in the person this thread is about, with no mention of any interest in any of the others.

I'm not looking for an argument. I'm just trying to understand why you're attempting to discourage him from going for the person he's interested in - while pushing alternatives that may not even exist. And even if alternatives do exist, how would you know that they are straightforward? And even if they are straightforward, he may not have any interest.

(Yes, you've pointed out the hot/cold thing. It could mean several things. We don't need to rehash that.)
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Old 07-14-2019, 02:33 PM
 
141 posts, read 25,459 times
Reputation: 238
He has nothing to lose by asking her out.
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Old 07-14-2019, 05:27 PM
 
352 posts, read 88,070 times
Reputation: 705
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
He has nothing to lose by asking her out.

Agree. However, he doesn't want to deal with women who don't already show obvious and easy to read interest in him. Her interest seems off/on and that confuses him. Sometimes she wants to talk, sometimes not.



Here's his problem. He thinks a woman is either into him, or not. But some may have 50, 60, 70% interest and that makes it appear off/on, and is confusing. But this off/on interest behavior is a good sign because her interest is at least 50% maybe higher. She may be hiding a high level interest way above 50%.



There is no way to know except the next step- ask her out. He should provide that they have a really good time alone together, fun and relaxing, so she can open up if feelings are there. Then he'll know. It's the only way to find out. Otherwise he will stay confused because interest behavior that seems off/on is not like the easy to read types that's interest is clear.
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Old Yesterday, 10:01 AM
Lou
 
273 posts, read 111,202 times
Reputation: 413
Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33 View Post
That could be said about any situation.
Yes, any situation has risk, and we take that into account.

Quote:
Because that's how life generally works.
That hasn't been my experience. There were several women over the years who I really liked, and I've moved on from each of them and have since known other women who were at least as appealing.

Quote:
I think you misinterpreted my "go for it" comment. He likes her and (despite what Ruth believes) she likes him. Why on earth would he walk away? Why??
That's what I thought you meant by "go for it." My point is that there's no reason why he has to go for it. It's an option, but not the only one.

Quote:
And now you seem to be suggesting she might pull a fake #metoo on him and ruin his life.
I wasn't talking about her, but about the atmosphere at many colleges these days. Guys in college are smart to be careful when approaching women in a campus community.

Quote:
I'm sorry, Lou, but this makes no sense at all to me. Please explain why you think that would be a better option.
As I said, he probably has a whole community of potential romantic interests around him. That isn't necessarily a better option, or a worse option. All roads don't necessarily lead to her. If he's not sure about her, or if it seems like too much trouble, it's hardly a failure if he decides not to pursue her.

Maybe I did misinterpret your post more broadly. I felt like it was coming from that "come on, dude, you can't pass this up" sentiment. I've been in several situations in which a woman seemed to men around me like somebody I needed to ask out, but I wasn't as into it. They were shocked that I didn't share their sense of importance about this, and sometimes they got pushy about it. Being the person who would be in the relationship, I didn't like being pushed into it based on other people's feelings about how this kind of thing is supposed to go. In these instances of blowing off that pressure from others, I've gone on to have my share of relationships that unfolded in a way that fit me.

Last edited by Lou; Yesterday at 10:26 AM..
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Old Today, 07:21 AM
 
Location: (six-cent-dix-sept)
4,575 posts, read 2,331,294 times
Reputation: 2828
he obviously likes her (wrote a 3-page thread about her).
theres a 50% chance she likes him (they have a good rapport with each other).

at this point it would be stupid not to ask her out; but, be prepared for the possibility of a 'no'.
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