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Old 07-10-2019, 08:15 PM
 
2 posts, read 192 times
Reputation: 15

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There's this girl that I go to school with (currently in summer session for college). She's extraordinarily beautiful. Most of the guys in our classes and around campus in general always find reasons to be around her. Whenever she needs help with something, there's like three dudes around to help out. It's hilarious looking at it. Which is why I avoided her early on so I wouldn't be the 20th guy drooling over her. In general, I avoid women UNLESS they initiate contact with me first then I'll be talkative back with them. And this generally works out for me. Most women will give you a hint they want to talk to you and from there I'll get to know them. I'm cool with most of the girls at school because they're cool back with me. This girl however I can't get a read on.

There has been multiple times over the past month (roughly 4 or 5) where we've been alone whether through us just randomly being in the same place, her choosing to come sit next to me or her coming around me to ask something. And it would turn to us to talking for 15-20 minutes. Because I didn't want to be the 20th guy drooling over her, at times I would try to cut the conversation short to keep it casual and she would try to keep the conversation going by changing the subject or by asking me something else. So I would take that as a sign of us being cool or there being some interest. But then when I would see her again in class or around campus the next day, I would say hi but, then I'd get the vibe from her suddenly that I was being a pest or bothering her. It just didn't make sense that the girl that just spilled her life to me for 20 minutes straight would barely say anything back when I said hi the next day. So feeling the disinterest I would disengage from her completely and go back to minding my own business. And I just went back to talking to some of the other girls in class who weren't like a yo-yo in behavior. Then she would start back, smiling at me in passing in the halls. Sitting next to me in class and in group sessions. Walking around my desk. Asking for my help for everything and talking to me in chats.

Usually I leave class late and if she hangs around that day, I'll let her leave first so she won't think I"m trying to talk to her. Most days she leaves early with everyone else so it's not a problem. So the other day she left and I was still packing up to leave. Two minutes or so go by and she comes back to say something to the teacher and I walk out and while I'm halfway down the hall she catches up to me and starts a convo with me. And we end up walking out to the car lot together. And like before, she's talking to me about everything. And it feels kinda like it feels when previous girlfriends and I first started talking. Thats why I can't read her correctly. And because I can't tell if she's interested or not, once we got out to the car lot, I tried to keep it casual, turn to go to my car and motion to say goodbye but, instead of going to hers and saying goodbye, she hung around and slowed up when I started walking away and kept talking and we ended up talking for another 5 minutes or so. So, naturally, I thought maybe I read her disinterest wrong before. Then yesterday, I'm packing up to leave and she stayed behind again. I was going to let her leave first because again, I don't know if she's interested or just being friendly, and I don't want her to think I'm constantly waiting to leave exactly the same time as her but, after she got up, she ended up waiting around to talk to the teacher and I left. Right as I left, she left shortly after. I was going to turn back around to say something to her because it felt rude not to with her walking right behind me but, when I did, she got on her phone almost like she wanted me to leave her alone, so I just waived bye and walked the other way. Its so much weirdness with her. Am I looking too deep into this? And should I just leave her alone entirely going forward? I have no problems doing that, and its easier for me to just go back to not talking to her instead of thinking there's anything there. But when I did that last time, she kept constantly finding reasons to talk to me.
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Old 07-10-2019, 08:18 PM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston/Tricity
37,990 posts, read 55,756,232 times
Reputation: 89712
If you need to ask some random forum members for permission and opinion, maybe you are not mature enough to date?
Those guys probably didn't ask anyone...
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Old 07-10-2019, 08:24 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,634 posts, read 4,876,149 times
Reputation: 12528
You're better off asking her.

Doesn't matter what the other guys are doing. If she shoots you down because she sees you as just another number, then oh well. You can say you tried, and move on. Nothing to lose here really.
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Old 07-10-2019, 09:20 PM
 
305 posts, read 83,055 times
Reputation: 655
Quote:
her, at times I would try to cut the conversation short to keep it casual...
Excellent. This shows you are not chasing her. Other guys are. You need to show some interest but not chasing her which makes you stand out from the other guys. Keep convos short and you end them. This makes you appear too busy for her, which keeps her interest in you from fading.

Quote:
and she would try to keep the conversation going by changing the subject or by asking me something else. So I would take that as a sign of us being cool or there being some interest. But then when I would see her again in class or around campus the next day, I would say hi but, then I'd get the vibe from her suddenly that I was being a pest or bothering her.


Guess what. She doesn't always feel like having a convo. And just because you had a convo last time doesn't mean she always wants a convo every next time she sees you. Why would she want that? Normal behavior unless the two of you have something going on.

Also, you are trying to read her interest in you by the metric of if she wants a convo every time she sees you incidentaly. She has some interest in you, but not 100% interest. It's it least 50% interest. Maybe more.

Do you pursue her? When do you know if you should pursue a girl? Answer- if she has at least 50% or more interest in you. So yes you can pursue her but her interest may only be 60% and you have work to do to raise it. You have to remain different from other guys who chase her like little puppies. So don't chase her. But you do have to pursue her unlike the other girls who show interest in you and you don't have to chase them. With this girl, the "hi" every time you incidently see her, and having a chit chat convo, is getting old.



You'll need to pursue her and I suggest calling her to ask her out for fun time together. And that's when you have good convo, out together alone. Reduce the incidental convo (still be friendly) and start having private convo when out together. What this will do is make her anticipate going on dates, and reduce the need for incidental convo.
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Old 07-10-2019, 09:28 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,664 posts, read 70,531,500 times
Reputation: 76632
Consider this hot/cold routine as a sneak preview of what it would be like to actually be her friend.

I think she's being coy with you, because you're the only guy who isn't tripping all overhimself to get her attention. But she's not seriously interested; it's just an ego game to her, to see if she can get you salivating.

OR: maybe she is somewhat interested, but is playing games, so you don't get too confident around her.


Either way, she's too much trouble. Move on to someone more straightforward. It sounds by your introduction, that you're not having trouble making women friends, anyway. so why do you care about her? Just to prove something to yourself (and others) if you could get her to hang out with you regularly? Because she's the ultimate prize? Or because you take pride in the fact, that you've been able to gain the confidence of a bunch of other women, so you need to include her in your count?

Not worth it.
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Old Yesterday, 02:38 AM
 
1,970 posts, read 959,790 times
Reputation: 5302
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Consider this hot/cold routine as a sneak preview of what it would be like to actually be her friend.

I think she's being coy with you, because you're the only guy who isn't tripping all overhimself to get her attention. But she's not seriously interested; it's just an ego game to her, to see if she can get you salivating.

OR: maybe she is somewhat interested, but is playing games, so you don't get too confident around her.


Either way, she's too much trouble. Move on to someone more straightforward. It sounds by your introduction, that you're not having trouble making women friends, anyway. so why do you care about her? Just to prove something to yourself (and others) if you could get her to hang out with you regularly? Because she's the ultimate prize? Or because you take pride in the fact, that you've been able to gain the confidence of a bunch of other women, so you need to include her in your count?

Not worth it.
That is the distinct sound of a hammer striking a nail directly on the head. When I was younger and inexperienced I'd go through this with whatever random young woman. It's as plain as day what she's doing but I DO applaud you for at least having a little dignity (not chasing, leaving her alone when she's cold). The entire 'coming back to ask the teacher something' thing is for your benefit and your benefit only (it's an excuse to give you a chance to show her some attention). The little thing she pulled with her phone is common, too. You sound far too nice to do it but I'd pull something similar on her the next time she approaches to get her tank filled, just to see the reaction.

I'd not bother with her at all, I'd bet money she has no interest whatsoever in dating you. It's just a game, a challenge. Talk more to the other young women in your class, maybe set a date with one. She will transform into another creature altogether--and, again, it has nothing to do with romantic feelings. There are none. This is ego on display here.
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Old Yesterday, 07:02 AM
 
5,123 posts, read 2,754,399 times
Reputation: 9437
Hmm strange you do an awful lot of life planning around this person. I do find it a bit odd how much of an impact an almost stranger is having upon you.

A smile and hello in class is completely appropriate. If she comes to you in an isolated environment to converse then great. Try to identify her intentions (e.g. does she genuinely want to talk to you, does she want you to be her tutor, or is she just a chatty kathy and talks to any randos that seem familiar to her). She may actually quite like the attention from the 20 other guys and when she isn’t getting it at that moment she will seek it from you outside of class.
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Old Yesterday, 08:20 PM
 
2 posts, read 192 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobCaldwell View Post
That is the distinct sound of a hammer striking a nail directly on the head. When I was younger and inexperienced I'd go through this with whatever random young woman. It's as plain as day what she's doing but I DO applaud you for at least having a little dignity (not chasing, leaving her alone when she's cold). The entire 'coming back to ask the teacher something' thing is for your benefit and your benefit only (it's an excuse to give you a chance to show her some attention). The little thing she pulled with her phone is common, too. You sound far too nice to do it but I'd pull something similar on her the next time she approaches to get her tank filled, just to see the reaction.

I'd not bother with her at all, I'd bet money she has no interest whatsoever in dating you. It's just a game, a challenge. Talk more to the other young women in your class, maybe set a date with one. She will transform into another creature altogether--and, again, it has nothing to do with romantic feelings. There are none. This is ego on display here.
In general, I'd like to think that I'm good at analyzing interest from the opposite sex. Most women are friendly but, cordial and brief when they want to keep unwanted attention from males away. So it's extremely perplexing when someone is smiling, staring at you and wanting to have deep conversations with you one day only to be cold and distant the next. But, I agree. And I will just mind my own business going forward.
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Old Yesterday, 08:22 PM
 
Location: USA
17,735 posts, read 8,863,537 times
Reputation: 13258
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anoxfordman View Post
There's this girl that I go to school with (currently in summer session for college). She's extraordinarily beautiful. Most of the guys in our classes and around campus in general always find reasons to be around her. Whenever she needs help with something, there's like three dudes around to help out. It's hilarious looking at it. Which is why I avoided her early on so I wouldn't be the 20th guy drooling over her. In general, I avoid women UNLESS they initiate contact with me first then I'll be talkative back with them. And this generally works out for me. Most women will give you a hint they want to talk to you and from there I'll get to know them. I'm cool with most of the girls at school because they're cool back with me. This girl however I can't get a read on.

There has been multiple times over the past month (roughly 4 or 5) where we've been alone whether through us just randomly being in the same place, her choosing to come sit next to me or her coming around me to ask something. And it would turn to us to talking for 15-20 minutes. Because I didn't want to be the 20th guy drooling over her, at times I would try to cut the conversation short to keep it casual and she would try to keep the conversation going by changing the subject or by asking me something else. So I would take that as a sign of us being cool or there being some interest. But then when I would see her again in class or around campus the next day, I would say hi but, then I'd get the vibe from her suddenly that I was being a pest or bothering her. It just didn't make sense that the girl that just spilled her life to me for 20 minutes straight would barely say anything back when I said hi the next day. So feeling the disinterest I would disengage from her completely and go back to minding my own business. And I just went back to talking to some of the other girls in class who weren't like a yo-yo in behavior. Then she would start back, smiling at me in passing in the halls. Sitting next to me in class and in group sessions. Walking around my desk. Asking for my help for everything and talking to me in chats.

Usually I leave class late and if she hangs around that day, I'll let her leave first so she won't think I"m trying to talk to her. Most days she leaves early with everyone else so it's not a problem. So the other day she left and I was still packing up to leave. Two minutes or so go by and she comes back to say something to the teacher and I walk out and while I'm halfway down the hall she catches up to me and starts a convo with me. And we end up walking out to the car lot together. And like before, she's talking to me about everything. And it feels kinda like it feels when previous girlfriends and I first started talking. Thats why I can't read her correctly. And because I can't tell if she's interested or not, once we got out to the car lot, I tried to keep it casual, turn to go to my car and motion to say goodbye but, instead of going to hers and saying goodbye, she hung around and slowed up when I started walking away and kept talking and we ended up talking for another 5 minutes or so. So, naturally, I thought maybe I read her disinterest wrong before. Then yesterday, I'm packing up to leave and she stayed behind again. I was going to let her leave first because again, I don't know if she's interested or just being friendly, and I don't want her to think I'm constantly waiting to leave exactly the same time as her but, after she got up, she ended up waiting around to talk to the teacher and I left. Right as I left, she left shortly after. I was going to turn back around to say something to her because it felt rude not to with her walking right behind me but, when I did, she got on her phone almost like she wanted me to leave her alone, so I just waived bye and walked the other way. Its so much weirdness with her. Am I looking too deep into this? And should I just leave her alone entirely going forward? I have no problems doing that, and its easier for me to just go back to not talking to her instead of thinking there's anything there. But when I did that last time, she kept constantly finding reasons to talk to me.

Does this post count towards the word count for your THESIS?
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Old Yesterday, 11:35 PM
 
Location: Rust'n in Tustin
2,194 posts, read 2,387,001 times
Reputation: 3892
Stalker?
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