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Old 07-15-2019, 02:48 PM
 
15 posts, read 3,897 times
Reputation: 10

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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Ridiculous.



Snap out of it, woman.


Snap out of what?!
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Old 07-15-2019, 04:45 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,593 posts, read 42,180,745 times
Reputation: 83961
Quote:
Originally Posted by meriland31 View Post
Snap out of what?!
Your stupor.

Stop letting him manipulate you. He wanted to shower with you and cuddle?

Get professional help for your codependency. Take a positive step toward better mental health and happiness instead of wallowing in your misery.

Find one of these FREE workshops in your town and begin taking the steps to help yourself:

https://www.secondsaturday.com/
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Old 07-16-2019, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Richardson, TX
11,105 posts, read 17,609,734 times
Reputation: 28039
He sounds really cruel, sending you mixed messages like this.

People do not ever ask for divorces from and bring papers to people they see a future with.

Never.

Snap out of what? Your complete denial of the above.
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Old 07-16-2019, 09:08 AM
 
154 posts, read 40,666 times
Reputation: 322
try zoloft. it curbs anxiety so you can think clearer
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Old 07-16-2019, 09:52 AM
 
64 posts, read 17,657 times
Reputation: 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by meriland31 View Post
He vehemently said he wasn't trying to soften the blow when I asked him. I mean, he said that he wants to cuddle and do all these things with me again and that he has absolutely no desire to be with anybody else or sleep with anybody else because he wants that with me. Also his desire to have me within the proximity so that the chance of getting back together is in the cards we're as me going to Minnesota there wouldn't be. When I had told him that he was the love of my life and I asked if that feeling was shared he said I knew that answer. Well I don't know that answer but you know whatever I just said yes? And he shook his head yes like absolutely and something like "you are the person I want" or something. It's like, he can't handle having me in his life 'right now' but desires but doesn't trust that things oil change in order for us to reconnect. I can't, understand if he views this as a big paws for us. Or if he views this as forever


No he wants to break it. I have been in a similar situation.
This is also VERY selfish of him trying to keep you on the backburner as a "just in case" AND still tryingt to have control over you for when and what HE alone wants. Ex: "his desire to have me within the proximity so that the chance of getting back together is in the cards we're as me going to Minnesota there wouldn't be" Notice this is about HIM. He says for HE, HIM, not for you(since you are the one that is in most need of help with your situation). Plus he is keeping you away from your family and anyone else in your home area that cares for you and could probably help you. He doesn't want to hear or see anthing from your family but he doesn't mind/wants you to stay in contact with HIS family( as you said he said you all can be a family but cannot do things as a couple. ...What???!?!?) And has he owned up to anything that he has said/done to/with you that wasn't fair or right to the relationship either?


Nuh uh. Don't let'em use you like that. Focus on your mental and emotional health and since he wants to depart from you there is nothing you can do. Fill in the void with yourself and your loved ones. Heal that way. Get clarity with yourself then after some years(hopefull he's not mangled in there unless you all have REALLY reconciled) you'll come back to this thread and yours eyes will be opened.
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Old 07-16-2019, 09:58 AM
 
64 posts, read 17,657 times
Reputation: 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
You have a complex trauma history. That is VERY hard on partners and families. It's harder on you.

For your own emotional well-being, you will need a partner who is able to deal with your psychological history and its ramifications. This guy does not seem to be the one. He is likely misguidedly trying to soften the blow with "maybes," not realizing that it's a very damaging route for him to take. And he is wistful for the person he wishes you were, a person without a trauma history. He is not accepting of you as the person you are, at least not enough to be a supportive partner. As others noted, you are better off focusing on your own recovery without the worry of a partner who's not able to be supportive of your mental health needs.


You said this very very good. Wish he'd admit that he isn't instead of trying to "make" her change. Maybe he'll later realize that you cannot change a person. You cannot force them to change. He may have went into the relationship knowing some things about her but thought he could change her. Pffft.
And thank you for bringing out how he talks to her. The confusing things he says are so emotionally gaming and with someone like the OP who is sensitive and things that messes with her even more. Not fair to her. I was very bothered just reading it. Made me mad.
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Old 07-16-2019, 10:01 AM
 
64 posts, read 17,657 times
Reputation: 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harry Hemi View Post
Definitely its BS. He knows you dont have any intentions on working on the issues that drove him away.
He's using it as an "exit" excuse, if you will. So while she is busy getting herself together he is off and about...who knows where doing his thing however, whatever he wants to.
And despite her progressing he will use her problems to hang over her head as a way to keep her away from him.
This is so sad. Smh
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Old 07-16-2019, 10:04 AM
 
64 posts, read 17,657 times
Reputation: 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by dbsteel View Post
The future isn't going to happen because he isn't going to sit around and wait, and sooner or later, someone else will come along.


Remember she mentioned a key part in her OP that she didn't want an open polyamorous relationship with him and remember what his reply to that was?
It wasn't a vehement total 'no i don't want that either. im not asking nor looking for that.' response so....that tells you right there.
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Old 07-16-2019, 10:18 AM
 
64 posts, read 17,657 times
Reputation: 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by meriland31 View Post
Im starting to think he actually believes this 'for now' thing he keeps instilling. That he genuinely 'hope's we start a fresh chapter when things aren't so..bad. He is asexual and has aspbergers...he's always been blunt without regard. He just... he's never had the capability of...processing the idea of saying things to make things seem...better than he thinks. He will often say things to people, just people in general that are inappropriate, literal, or not thought through and they take offense and he doesn't understand, cause he was just being honest. Im starting to wonder if he actually understands what divorce actually means since he wants me near and has this hope ...which, come to find out, hehas also told a friend of ours; that he just needs a break from me to reassess but hopes we reconnect .


Well thank you for finally mentioning his side because i was going to say that this man is always expecting and putting things off on you. You, you you. All about Meriland, Meriland, Meriland. You are the wrong and the ONLY wrong in this situation and he has to NOT sympathize or work on ANYTHING or any parts he may play in some of these issues.
Very very selfish of him. You put up with his issues yet he cant't.....Ooo girl. Smh
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Old 07-16-2019, 10:27 AM
 
64 posts, read 17,657 times
Reputation: 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Ridiculous.



Snap out of it, woman.


......................
yes.yes...yeeesss. thank you.
she needs to go back home. the papers are signed. go. (sigh)
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