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Old 07-13-2019, 08:46 AM
 
4,273 posts, read 4,706,559 times
Reputation: 2918

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
Well, that's how it works. You stepped out of your comfort zone a bit and confirmed that your 'type' really is your 'type'.

So....what's the problem? Did you think OLD was going to match you with your dream date the first time out? Try it a thousand more times and maybe you'll meet someone you want to kiss. I'm serious.

You had fun talking to her. So what was your big loss? Was it more fun than staying home at alone?
The problem was she was the only women who messaged me or talked to me at all in there in a year.

 
Old 07-13-2019, 08:57 AM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
3,528 posts, read 1,615,389 times
Reputation: 4418
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
The problem was she was the only women who messaged me or talked to me at all in there in a year.
It sounds like you saw her out of loneliness/desperation, rather than out of interest in her for whatever reason. Is my observation accurate?
 
Old 07-13-2019, 09:00 AM
 
4,273 posts, read 4,706,559 times
Reputation: 2918
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
It sounds like you saw her out of loneliness/desperation, rather than out of interest in her for whatever reason. Is my observation accurate?
Yeah I think thatís pretty clear lol.
 
Old 07-13-2019, 09:18 AM
 
Location: Middle America
36,715 posts, read 42,012,116 times
Reputation: 50650
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post

The idea of having a girlfriend for the first time clouded my judgment.
You and practically every other kid in their first dating relationship.

When somebody shows interest in you and it's something you've never experienced before, that can cause anybody to go with it, red flags be damned. This isn't some terrible traumatic thing unique to you. It's pretty normal. It's part of learning about yourself and how to navigate relationships. For most kids, having somebody who is willing to be with you is enough of a rush. Other stuff isn't important right out of the gate. It's later that you determine how important and flexible or inflexible your preferences and tastes actually are.
 
Old 07-13-2019, 09:22 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,591 posts, read 24,191,613 times
Reputation: 49075
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
You and practically every other kid in their first dating relationship.

When somebody shows interest in you and it's something you've never experienced before, that can cause anybody to go with it, red flags be damned. This isn't some terrible traumatic thing unique to you. It's pretty normal. It's part of learning about yourself and how to navigate relationships. For most kids, having somebody who is willing to be with you is enough of a rush. Other stuff isn't important right out of the gate. It's later that you determine how important and flexible or inflexible your preferences and tastes actually are.
Right, I think most of us can look back on our first few relationships and cringe at how stupid or silly we were. But you learn and you move on. Our own dumb and uninformed choices are not characteristic of romantic relationships in general.

Last edited by fleetiebelle; 07-13-2019 at 10:23 AM..
 
Old 07-13-2019, 10:02 AM
 
Location: Iowa
139 posts, read 28,628 times
Reputation: 195
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
I stopped romanticizing relationships after that, and saw them mostly as gateways to sex and "date insurance".
So, after a relationship with someone who was incompatible with you in basic ways (interests, lifestyle, etc.) you lost interest in relationships, period?

I get heartbreak, but hope you've gotten over it..
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
The problem was she was the only women who messaged me or talked to me at all in there in a year.
Out of how many that you messaged? Are you looking for help with your online profile, or first messages to send? Guess I'm confused as to the point of this thread.
 
Old 07-13-2019, 10:53 AM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
3,528 posts, read 1,615,389 times
Reputation: 4418
Quote:
Originally Posted by riffle View Post
So, after a relationship with someone who was incompatible with you in basic ways (interests, lifestyle, etc.) you lost interest in relationships, period?

I get heartbreak, but hope you've gotten over it.
It was more of a letdown than a heartbreak, considering how I wasn't attracted to her in the first place. And I didn't lose interest in relationships; that happened 15 years later. I still wanted a girlfriend, because sex (which didn't happen with the first one). What did happen is that I started viewing relationships in a much more practical light: simply a source of companionship, sex, and improved social status from having a girlfriend, rather than anything involving expectations.

I went on a handful of dates during college after that, but nothing really materialized. My college's social scene was subpar. All of my dating misadventures (read: hookups) happened when I visited friends at other colleges.
 
Old 07-13-2019, 11:13 AM
 
Location: Iowa
139 posts, read 28,628 times
Reputation: 195
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
It was more of a letdown than a heartbreak, considering how I wasn't attracted to her in the first place. And I didn't lose interest in relationships; that happened 15 years later. I still wanted a girlfriend, because sex (which didn't happen with the first one). What did happen is that I started viewing relationships in a much more practical light: simply a source of companionship, sex, and improved social status from having a girlfriend, rather than anything involving expectations.

I went on a handful of dates during college after that, but nothing really materialized. My college's social scene was subpar. All of my dating misadventures (read: hookups) happened when I visited friends at other colleges.
Sorry it hasn't worked out. In a practical light, you didn't have much in common. Seems like that's something you could do differently, if you wanted to.
 
Old 07-13-2019, 12:13 PM
 
721 posts, read 187,247 times
Reputation: 942
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
You and practically every other kid in their first dating relationship.

When somebody shows interest in you and it's something you've never experienced before, that can cause anybody to go with it, red flags be damned. This isn't some terrible traumatic thing unique to you. It's pretty normal. It's part of learning about yourself and how to navigate relationships. For most kids, having somebody who is willing to be with you is enough of a rush. Other stuff isn't important right out of the gate. It's later that you determine how important and flexible or inflexible your preferences and tastes actually are.

Definitely not just kids. I was 32 before someone showed any interest and asked me out, which was a new experience for me. I didn't feel strong attraction for her at first, but most of my attraction to women isn't based on the physical...it develops as I get to know them, but I can usually find something attractive in just about any woman. The fact that she was interested in me jump-started my willingness to be attracted to her, and made me ignore her obvious issues. Even the first date was red flag city. Any person in their right mind would have walked away after the things she told me even on the first date, and it got worse from there. But, having someone be interested in me, even if I was a nasty rebound for her, was enough to make me stick until it turned abusive.


It taught me that I can't fix someone, and also not to play with fire, not that I've had any matches in my hand since then. So...maybe I learned faster than a teenager would?
 
Old 07-13-2019, 12:17 PM
 
Location: Middle America
36,715 posts, read 42,012,116 times
Reputation: 50650
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
Right, I think most of us can look back on our first few relationships and cringe at how stupid or silly we were. But you learn and you move on. Our own dumb and uninformed choices are not characteristic of romantic relationships in general.
And they're not even dumb. They're just devoid of experience, and undertaken by people who haven't even had the chance yet to learn what they want or need.
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