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Old 07-16-2019, 05:12 AM
Status: "Fill the days." (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
10,717 posts, read 11,123,282 times
Reputation: 14153

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
Welp she texted me saying how Iím short and not attractive so who am I to judge her. Wasnít expecting that.

Solidifes my decision even more. If Iím gonna get treated harshly by women im at least gonna go after women Iím attracted to.

Clearly unattractive ladies arenít any nicer.
Did she just randomly text you out of the blue and say that? Or did she say it after you declined her invitation to go out again? Either way it isnít nice that she attacked your appearance, but this thread started a few days ago. If she did this right when you declined the second date itís bad enough. If she stewed over it this long and then replied out of the blue you may have dodged a bullet.

Now get to work on making yourself appealing to one of those big-backsides white or Latina women in your area!

 
Old 07-16-2019, 05:17 AM
 
2,069 posts, read 565,115 times
Reputation: 1335
Quote:
Originally Posted by iknowftbll View Post
It seems almost like you expected her to respond favorably to your contacting her. As if since she was chubby she is obligated to respond to anyone who contacts her and at least try to get to know them. But chubby girls are often just as selective as any other girl. Itís almost like theyíre regular girls who value themselves and have a mind and preferences of their own!

Iíll give you some credit: seeking out a person who had similar interests listed. Seems youíd have been willing to give it a try had she been interested in you. But you made a flawed assumption from the start by ďdevaluingĒ her. She obviously didnít know this, but itís made the experience noteworthy to you because you did. Otherwise sheíd likely just be another swing and a miss. Most of us have been rejected by more people than we can remember. But this one has stuck with you for some reason and itís probably your own doing.

Also, as a guy who likes chubby girls I can tell you they are every bit as selective as other girls. I dated fit/athletic girls for a while before eventually shifting my efforts to chubby girls. My success rate was no higher. (I did okay as it was, but it wasnít like the chubby girls were lined up outside my door just because I was interested in them.) These are still regular girls who like what they like and canít force a preference any better than anyone else. Furthermore they are often used to receiving the same type of reaction you described: they express their lack of interest and have people attack their appearance, specifically their weight. If word ever got back to her you elreacted the way you did I guarantee she wonít be surprised: sheís seen it a few times already.
I never actually SAID that to her, I was thinking it. I can throw it to the male site. I knew of some obese men, some even unkempt, that were attempting to date petite, hot ladies when they were slobs themselves...and that's only the type they went for.

Then they would complain how they can't meet any women. Since they were my buds, I suggested to take it down a notch, seriously, and date their equals in looks.

Usually these are chronically single people whose friends and family have suggested to them at least once that their friends need to be reasonable when it comes to dating. It's not settling either, it's being realistic.

They usually wind up complaining, "Why can't I meet anyone", and I'm thinking, "You've done it to yourself".
 
Old 07-16-2019, 05:21 AM
Status: "Fill the days." (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
10,717 posts, read 11,123,282 times
Reputation: 14153
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
This was just an example , being chubby is just one physical flaw of many that is an example of how people tend to go after what they themselves cannot offer.

Like a chubby person desiring only men with washboard abs, an athletic person when they themselves had never set foot in a gym.
But again: a chubby girl cannot Force preference any better than anyone else. If in her chubby state no fit guys are interested in her, thatís the reality she has to deal with. But if she can find a fit guy who likes chubby girls, and I know theyíre out there because Iím one of them, then good for her.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 05:26 AM
 
Location: Middle America
36,755 posts, read 42,046,767 times
Reputation: 50706
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
This was just an example , being chubby is just one physical flaw of many that is an example of how people tend to go after what they themselves cannot offer.

Like a chubby person desiring only men with washboard abs, an athletic person when they themselves had never set foot in a gym.
But the point is, nobody is obligated to give somebody they're not attracted to a shot. Even people with appearances that aren't conventionally perfect.

Your response seems to be that people who have less than perfect appearances should be glad for anybody indicating interest at all. Which obviously isn't the case, as it wasn't for the OP.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 05:27 AM
Status: "Fill the days." (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
10,717 posts, read 11,123,282 times
Reputation: 14153
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
I never actually SAID that to her, I was thinking it. I can throw it to the male site. I knew of some obese men, some even unkempt, that were attempting to date petite, hot ladies when they were slobs themselves...and that's only the type they went for.

Then they would complain how they can't meet any women. Since they were my buds, I suggested to take it down a notch, seriously, and date their equals in looks.

Usually these are chronically single people whose friends and family have suggested to them at least once that their friends need to be reasonable when it comes to dating. It's not settling either, it's being realistic.

They usually wind up complaining, "Why can't I meet anyone", and I'm thinking, "You've done it to yourself".
I acknowledged that you actually didnít say it when I used the phrase ďshe obviously didnít know thisĒ in the second paragraph of the post you quoted. I also posed a hypothetical ďIFĒ that ever got back to her it wouldnít surprise her.

As for your advice to your friends I think you have it all wrong. Iíd never advise a friend to stop pursuing what he wanted and instead advise him to make changes to what HE CAN CONTROL. Grooming first. Weight next. Self improvement to personality flaws if needed. Taking it down a notch didnít work for you, so why would you expect it to work for them?
 
Old 07-16-2019, 05:28 AM
 
2,069 posts, read 565,115 times
Reputation: 1335
Quote:
Originally Posted by iknowftbll View Post
But again: a chubby girl cannot Force preference any better than anyone else. If in her chubby state no fit guys are interested in her, thatís the reality she has to deal with. But if she can find a fit guy who likes chubby girls, and I know theyíre out there because Iím one of them, then good for her.
That's because men are willing to overlook flaws more so than women. Basically, men aren't as picky as women. But hey, if you're into someone that's one-step closer to being diabetic, knock yourself out.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 05:33 AM
 
2,069 posts, read 565,115 times
Reputation: 1335
Quote:
Originally Posted by iknowftbll View Post
As for your advice to your friends I think you have it all wrong. Iíd never advise a friend to stop pursuing what he wanted and instead advise him to make changes to what HE CAN CONTROL. Grooming first. Weight next. Self improvement to personality flaws if needed. Taking it down a notch didnít work for you, so why would you expect it to work for them?
Oh I've done that too, they never take my advice though. That was actually option #1 that I presented tot them first. Of course, they cannot give up the food and they just keep getting bigger. Which has led me to option #2, stick with your own.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 05:34 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,525 posts, read 42,067,182 times
Reputation: 83713
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
That's because men are willing to overlook flaws more so than women. Basically, men aren't as picky as women. But hey, if you're into someone that's one-step closer to being diabetic, knock yourself out.
Missing the point completely.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 05:42 AM
Status: "Fill the days." (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
10,717 posts, read 11,123,282 times
Reputation: 14153
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
That's because men are willing to overlook flaws more so than women. Basically, men aren't as picky as women. But hey, if you're into someone that's one-step closer to being diabetic, knock yourself out.


You donít get it. Use of the word ďflawsĒ proves it.

And Iíll take my chances. I know or know of more diabetics who are not overweight than are. Not to mention if I let every uncertainty life brings control my choices Iíd be covered in bubble wrap and never leave my bedroom.

Once again, I can see why some guys struggle with women.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 05:51 AM
 
7,516 posts, read 2,970,961 times
Reputation: 12477
Quote:
Originally Posted by iknowftbll View Post
But again: a chubby girl cannot Force preference any better than anyone else. If in her chubby state no fit guys are interested in her, that’s the reality she has to deal with. But if she can find a fit guy who likes chubby girls, and I know they’re out there because I’m one of them, then good for her.
I like and agree with your attitude. Her size isn’t any more of a detriment than his, even if he thinks he’s a normal size, it may have absolutely nothing to do with looks, so insulting their appearance isn’t an equal exchange. Being a frequent user of OLD, I’ve decided someone was not a match, put it politely after meeting, then been suddenly insulted like a Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde moment where their true colors come out. Some people take perceived rejection so personally, they no longer have their looks going for them.

I feel better to not return the insult, they found me attractive enough to go out with, the words after politely turning down a second date don’t really matter, they come across to me as: “I feel really bad about myself now, I put too much hope and expectation into this one meeting”. It doesn’t matter if the actual words were: “I hope you get filled with stds you ugly old stuck up $&@*.” (Real example.) Quite surprising and scary to be confronted with. Someone like that is looking for a violent exchange or be treated even worse so they somehow feel better. I would rather just say: “Ok then, if that’s all, I guess it was the right choice.” In the case that stands out, I didn’t think I’d be hearing from him again...but no. Block. I suppose there’s a woman out there for him, I’d hate to know what will go on in their home after a disagreement.

Reaction to rejection provides some insight.
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