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Old 07-16-2019, 09:00 AM
 
Location: Colorado
11,972 posts, read 7,363,456 times
Reputation: 21509

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Personally, I never really thought it to be a big deal if a woman had several partners, if fact, I figured in 2019, women were not being judged as much as they used to. The attitude on this, the tables have turned, does it not?

Do a lot of men still judge women for having a lot of partners?

I heard on the radio it's even a bad idea to ever ask someone you're dating how many people they've been with .
Um, yes.

But the funny thing is, guys don't say this straight to a woman's face, unless (like my ex) they're being bung-holes because they're all spiteful and fighty.

Mostly it's conversations about generalities. We had a thread HERE not so long ago...I can't remember if it got locked or deleted though, I'm fairly sure one or the other wound up happening. It was about asking someone their number of partners and not liking the answer they got or whatever. Guys chimed in left and right that too many partners would be a deal breaker. I think most of the women were saying it's really nobody's business and should not be brought up. In the abstract, many men are very quick to say that a woman with experience is less desirable. Most often they say that they are afraid of being compared to her past partners and falling short. Some also say that a woman who has been around can't be trusted to be faithful. I mean this has come up and been said so many times, I'm giving you a sort of "Really now? Come on..." look about saying you don't see this anymore or don't think it's a thing. Of course it's a thing.

But as I said, equally disappointing to me, whenever we've had threads about virgin men, there have been women who have said that it would be a deal breaker to them, that they don't want to "train" a man, or that they assume if the guy hasn't had sex by a certain age that there's something "wrong" with him. I don't agree with that. I like virgin guys. I think that they're better than virgin women. A virgin man is eager and happy to be there. Ready to try stuff and have fun. It's like watching your favorite movie with someone who has never seen it, but you know they're gonna love it. Virgin women are often shy and inhibited and unless you just get a kick out of the whole "corrupting the innocent" factor, they aren't as likely to have an open mind to try things and such. I thought a lot of pretty normal sex stuff was "ew gross no way!" when I was inexperienced.

So these perceptions, I think, are wrong across the board, but they persist nonetheless.

And I promise you, a woman does not simply grow up in America without hearing and internalizing some of this stuff. And if she goes to certain churches it's even worse. Purity balls and talks about used chewing gum are still a thing.

So if you are only optimally supposed to have ONE partner in your life (the one you marry) or you are "used chewing gum"...or even if you are afraid of having too many tries and fails at making a relationship... I mean of course one will be selective. And not just looking for someone who looks good enough to get naked with, but someone with the right qualities to be a good companion in one's life! Which in fact, is probably far more important to most women, and that's why I say again and again, that for struggling guys, your ATTITUDE and the character you project is vastly more important than your appearance. No woman wants to make the mistake of partnering with someone who will become a source of misery for us. No matter what our taste in looks, that's pretty universal.

 
Old 07-16-2019, 09:00 AM
 
4,273 posts, read 4,709,561 times
Reputation: 2923
Quote:
Originally Posted by PardonTheInterruption View Post
You could have cut all communication after she was rude though. Why didn't you? You're both acting juveniles, maybe you two ARE meant for each other.
Settle down. I simply responded with a one liner to her harassing me unprovoked.

Stop acting like Iím to blame as much as her.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 09:03 AM
 
3,831 posts, read 1,771,176 times
Reputation: 7555
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Well, this is certainly the pot calling the kettle black.

You're not even "being realistic." What you're doing is taking a personal preference ("No fat chicks!") and turning it into a character flaw. Your belief in leagues, with the most "privileged" at the top, conveniently assumes that while YOU may not be at the top you certainly aren't at the bottom with all the fat chicks. (And "dudes," yes, of course, let's keep our prejudices "equal.")

The stupid idea of leagues is based on the idea that beauty is objective and that people who aren't conventionally attractive should just take what they can get.

In reality, there's no such thing as aiming too high because, in fact, no one is higher than anyone, something of which the "chubby girl" reminded you recently. She may not be the physical type you like, but she's a person with feelings and preferences just like you.

Turns out that, to her, YOU are the "chubby girl." So just be thankful for what you can get. Right?
I'm not siding with ThisTown, and especially not with his tendency to demean some people's appearance to make a point. However, are you saying there's not pretty strong agreement on who is conventionally attractive? Are you denying that very conventionally attractive people tend to date each other, and that moderately conventionally attractive people tend to date each other, and that people mostly lacking in traits we think of as conventionally attractive, drum roll................tend to date each other?

That doesn't mean that any two people will agree on who is most attractive or that they'll be attracted to the same people. But if 100 women look at me and two other men, and 60 women say that man #1 is objectively attractive and 20 of them subjectively like his look, and 10 women with poor eyesight say I'm objectively attractive and 3 poor souls like my particular look, and no women say man #3 is objectively attractive but 1 woman hasn't been laid in 3 years so maybe guy #3 is worth a second look if he'd just change almost everything..well doesn't that mean something?

And just looking at me, isn't it likely that when we're all just meeting each other that one or two of the women who like my look also like guy #1's looks, and if guy #1 showed an interest in them, I'd become invisible?

None of that is an exclusively male experience, and from what I've seen men are at least as likely and probably more likely to be swayed exclusively by appearance. My claim isn't that women are pickier than men, but rather, that most of us are about as picky as we can be, and can be is defined by the number and attractiveness of the people who might pick us.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 09:16 AM
 
4,273 posts, read 4,709,561 times
Reputation: 2923
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12 View Post
I'm not siding with ThisTown, and especially not with his tendency to demean some people's appearance to make a point. However, are you saying there's not pretty strong agreement on who is conventionally attractive? Are you denying that very conventionally attractive people tend to date each other, and that moderately conventionally attractive people tend to date each other, and that people mostly lacking in traits we think of as conventionally attractive, drum roll................tend to date each other?

That doesn't mean that any two people will agree on who is most attractive or that they'll be attracted to the same people. But if 100 women look at me and two other men, and 60 women say that man #1 is objectively attractive and 20 of them subjectively like his look, and 10 women with poor eyesight say I'm objectively attractive and 3 poor souls like my particular look, and no women say man #3 is objectively attractive but 1 woman hasn't been laid in 3 years so maybe guy #3 is worth a second look if he'd just change almost everything..well doesn't that mean something?

And just looking at me, isn't it likely that when we're all just meeting each other that one or two of the women who like my look also like guy #1's looks, and if guy #1 showed an interest in them, I'd become invisible?

None of that is an exclusively male experience, and from what I've seen men are at least as likely and probably more likely to be swayed exclusively by appearance. My claim isn't that women are pickier than men, but rather, that most of us are about as picky as we can be, and can be is defined by the number and attractiveness of the people who might pick us.
I would say thatís more accurate then you canít predict love and looks are extremely subjective. Most people afw as shallow as they can afford to be. Iím not apparently but whatever lol.

I also think old does inflate the ego of a lot of women because thereís a lot more men on these sites so your average woman is getting along a lot more attention there then she probably does outside.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 09:19 AM
 
7,516 posts, read 2,970,961 times
Reputation: 12477
It’s the people who don’t care if they’re with a brainless twit, the ones who think they won a prize...that I can”t relate with. If I was attracted to women, Lizzo would turn my head. She’s hilarious. Half way through a song she’ll whip a flute out and master that too. Do you think she”d go for TT? And yet he”d say “uh uh, she’s chubby.” Bizarre. I don’t get “my league” people.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Colorado
11,972 posts, read 7,363,456 times
Reputation: 21509
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12 View Post
I'm not siding with ThisTown, and especially not with his tendency to demean some people's appearance to make a point. However, are you saying there's not pretty strong agreement on who is conventionally attractive? Are you denying that very conventionally attractive people tend to date each other, and that moderately conventionally attractive people tend to date each other, and that people mostly lacking in traits we think of as conventionally attractive, drum roll................tend to date each other?

That doesn't mean that any two people will agree on who is most attractive or that they'll be attracted to the same people. But if 100 women look at me and two other men, and 60 women say that man #1 is objectively attractive and 20 of them subjectively like his look, and 10 women with poor eyesight say I'm objectively attractive and 3 poor souls like my particular look, and no women say man #3 is objectively attractive but 1 woman hasn't been laid in 3 years so maybe guy #3 is worth a second look if he'd just change almost everything..well doesn't that mean something?

And just looking at me, isn't it likely that when we're all just meeting each other that one or two of the women who like my look also like guy #1's looks, and if guy #1 showed an interest in them, I'd become invisible?

None of that is an exclusively male experience, and from what I've seen men are at least as likely and probably more likely to be swayed exclusively by appearance. My claim isn't that women are pickier than men, but rather, that most of us are about as picky as we can be, and can be is defined by the number and attractiveness of the people who might pick us.
I do not agree, homina, my friend.

There are too many exceptions to every rule for any rule to be a rule. I'm tired of talking about my own experience and being told, "Well but you're an outlier" and ok maybe I am, but when I could point to one after another of my own friends and are THEY ALL "outliers?" How many "outliers" do there have to be, before we go...OK maybe this rule isn't actually a rule...?

I could tell story after story after story. It would completely derail the thread and it would take all day. We don't want that. But for serious though.

I do think that men in the vaguest of general terms are somewhat more oriented to visual appearances in mate selection, but I also think that they have vast variance on what they consider to be optimally attractive. Some men like younger, older, thinner, fatter, women of certain hair color or ethnicity, tall or petite, big boobs or bottoms, or small ones, some men hate tattoos on women, some love it... Any factor you could possibly name, some guy is into that somewhere. And the woman who is his dream come true is gross to the next guy.

So no, there isn't a consensus about who is the hottest person.

And women...I mean... Team Momoa, Team Keanu, Team ~Jeff Goldblum~ (*drool*)...we all like different things. But women are, as we must in order to even come close to behaving as we're trained from childhood to behave, evaluating on a much longer scorecard. You could be any woman's idea of the most perfectly sexy looking male on the planet, but if you open your mouth and a high pitched voice comes out...or if you smell unpleasantly musky to our nose...or if you say things that offend... You hit a nope button and we are DONE.

And even the last part about being as picky as we "can be" and scaling to the best we can do out of those who would pick us...that varies, too. Because some (due to upbringing, life history, whatever) are desperate for a partner, and some are more independent or, like my own boyfriend, risk avoidant or whatever. Each of us has to evaluate at what point having SOMEONE outweighs having just the right someone that we want.

The only part where it gets screwy is when we stop acknowledging that we've made a choice in that regard and start blaming the world, the opposite sex, things that are out of our control, because we're lonely and mad about it. It isn't just that this is unfair to others...it's completely unproductive. Letting yourself off the hook is not a good enough reason to throw away any and all power you could possibly have over your life.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,525 posts, read 42,067,182 times
Reputation: 83718
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12 View Post

My claim isn't that women are pickier than men, but rather, that most of us are about as picky as we can be...
Maybe so, but that's not MY claim, and I especially don't believe that the "can be" is defined by who likes us.

If you're not a match, you're not a match.

People like TT believe they are as "picky as they can be" because they view some types as worse than others rather than just different. Only when they get a slap-in-the-face rejection from someone they view as below them do they begin to even consider that they may not actually have their own level pegged accurately.

The "chubby girl" obviously doesn't subscribe to TT's warped idea that she's the type of person who should take what she should get, and he obviously didn't believe he was that person either.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 10:23 AM
 
Location: Boulder, CO
433 posts, read 141,217 times
Reputation: 828
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
... But the ugliest woman I've ever encountered, and it wasn't just a matter of her weight, she looked like something that would attack you in a D&D campaign armed with a spiked club, and her teeth looked like Stonehenge or something, she was freaking rough...

Maybe she had just been at a LARP event, playing a Half-orc Barbarian ?
 
Old 07-16-2019, 10:33 AM
 
5,500 posts, read 2,374,821 times
Reputation: 15180
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
This, and many of your other posts, suggest otherwise.



It's why you were SO surprised that the "chubby girl" dared to reject you.
Thisssssssssssssss.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 11:43 AM
 
4,273 posts, read 4,709,561 times
Reputation: 2923
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
I do not agree, homina, my friend.

There are too many exceptions to every rule for any rule to be a rule. I'm tired of talking about my own experience and being told, "Well but you're an outlier" and ok maybe I am, but when I could point to one after another of my own friends and are THEY ALL "outliers?" How many "outliers" do there have to be, before we go...OK maybe this rule isn't actually a rule...?

I could tell story after story after story. It would completely derail the thread and it would take all day. We don't want that. But for serious though.

I do think that men in the vaguest of general terms are somewhat more oriented to visual appearances in mate selection, but I also think that they have vast variance on what they consider to be optimally attractive. Some men like younger, older, thinner, fatter, women of certain hair color or ethnicity, tall or petite, big boobs or bottoms, or small ones, some men hate tattoos on women, some love it... Any factor you could possibly name, some guy is into that somewhere. And the woman who is his dream come true is gross to the next guy.

So no, there isn't a consensus about who is the hottest person.

And women...I mean... Team Momoa, Team Keanu, Team ~Jeff Goldblum~ (*drool*)...we all like different things. But women are, as we must in order to even come close to behaving as we're trained from childhood to behave, evaluating on a much longer scorecard. You could be any woman's idea of the most perfectly sexy looking male on the planet, but if you open your mouth and a high pitched voice comes out...or if you smell unpleasantly musky to our nose...or if you say things that offend... You hit a nope button and we are DONE.

And even the last part about being as picky as we "can be" and scaling to the best we can do out of those who would pick us...that varies, too. Because some (due to upbringing, life history, whatever) are desperate for a partner, and some are more independent or, like my own boyfriend, risk avoidant or whatever. Each of us has to evaluate at what point having SOMEONE outweighs having just the right someone that we want.

The only part where it gets screwy is when we stop acknowledging that we've made a choice in that regard and start blaming the world, the opposite sex, things that are out of our control, because we're lonely and mad about it. It isn't just that this is unfair to others...it's completely unproductive. Letting yourself off the hook is not a good enough reason to throw away any and all power you could possibly have over your life.

People are shaped by their experiences or lack of.

You canít expect everyone to have the same outlook when they had a different path with a certain part of life.

If all someone knows is failure then you canít expect the same mindset or level of optism as someone whoís succeeded or hasnít struggled much in a certain aspect of life.
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