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Old 07-16-2019, 12:04 PM
 
Location: Colorado
11,972 posts, read 7,363,456 times
Reputation: 21509

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
People are shaped by their experiences or lack of.

You canít expect everyone to have the same outlook when they had a different path with a certain part of life.

If all someone knows is failure then you canít expect the same mindset or level of optism as someone whoís succeeded or hasnít struggled much in a certain aspect of life.
LOL you should meet my fiance.

Don't you dare tell me you cannot overcome challenges and change your outlook on life. I'm not buying into your "I have the right to perpetually feel sorry for myself, and spend all my time making sure I don't feel responsible for my own problems, because it feels so much more comfortable to wallow in powerless suffering" trip. No, sir.

I don't give a rat's patoot how ugly you think you are. I 100% guarantee I've met uglier people who are managing to live happy lives. I know blind people and severely disabled people who are able to overcome more significant challenges that you've had, without anywhere near the level of "it's just not fair" we've gotten from you for years around here, dude.

But it is circular. What you expect is what you build. And you get more of the same, and it confirms your bias and expectations, and then you invest in more of the same, get more of the same, rinse and repeat, unless and until one day YOU do the work to make a very serious philosophical shift. And then, maybe, if you are patient, after doing so, you get your shot at a happily ever after. Usually when you quit looking so hard for it and simply find a way to place yourself in its path.

Sorry but the "Easy for you to say, your life isn't hard, you have experienced persistent failure like me, you just don't know what it's like" is just a bunch of petulant excuse making.

 
Old 07-16-2019, 12:11 PM
 
4,273 posts, read 4,709,561 times
Reputation: 2923
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
LOL you should meet my fiance.

Don't you dare tell me you cannot overcome challenges and change your outlook on life. I'm not buying into your "I have the right to perpetually feel sorry for myself, and spend all my time making sure I don't feel responsible for my own problems, because it feels so much more comfortable to wallow in powerless suffering" trip. No, sir.

I don't give a rat's patoot how ugly you think you are. I 100% guarantee I've met uglier people who are managing to live happy lives. I know blind people and severely disabled people who are able to overcome more significant challenges that you've had, without anywhere near the level of "it's just not fair" we've gotten from you for years around here, dude.

But it is circular. What you expect is what you build. And you get more of the same, and it confirms your bias and expectations, and then you invest in more of the same, get more of the same, rinse and repeat, unless and until one day YOU do the work to make a very serious philosophical shift. And then, maybe, if you are patient, after doing so, you get your shot at a happily ever after. Usually when you quit looking so hard for it and simply find a way to place yourself in its path.

Sorry but the "Easy for you to say, your life isn't hard, you have experienced persistent failure like me, you just don't know what it's like" is just a bunch of petulant excuse making.
I haven’t been patient? Lol I’m 39 I’m sorry if I’m a little worn down by everything. And it’s not just about me thinking I’m ugly woman have now told me so. You’re also proving my point by basically saying once you change your mindset it’s still gonna take a long time before/if a women becomes attracted to you if ever because of your looks.

I’m not even actively pursuing women I got this bull sh it thrown on me without doing anything.

If a women I’m attracted to shows interest in me out of nowhere one day awesome but I’m not putting myself out there just to get shot down.

I’ll stay on the sidelines.

Last edited by JBT1980; 07-16-2019 at 12:49 PM..
 
Old 07-16-2019, 12:16 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
14,871 posts, read 12,312,526 times
Reputation: 26342
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
LOL you should meet my fiance.

Don't you dare tell me you cannot overcome challenges and change your outlook on life. I'm not buying into your "I have the right to perpetually feel sorry for myself, and spend all my time making sure I don't feel responsible for my own problems, because it feels so much more comfortable to wallow in powerless suffering" trip. No, sir.

I don't give a rat's patoot how ugly you think you are. I 100% guarantee I've met uglier people who are managing to live happy lives. I know blind people and severely disabled people who are able to overcome more significant challenges that you've had, without anywhere near the level of "it's just not fair" we've gotten from you for years around here, dude.

But it is circular. What you expect is what you build. And you get more of the same, and it confirms your bias and expectations, and then you invest in more of the same, get more of the same, rinse and repeat, unless and until one day YOU do the work to make a very serious philosophical shift. And then, maybe, if you are patient, after doing so, you get your shot at a happily ever after. Usually when you quit looking so hard for it and simply find a way to place yourself in its path.

Sorry but the "Easy for you to say, your life isn't hard, you have experienced persistent failure like me, you just don't know what it's like" is just a bunch of petulant excuse making.
Iíve known some seriously ugly dudes with gorgeous girlfriends throughout my life. You also see it in public on a daily basis. Itís strange to me that a man would struggle so much to find a woman.

I truly believe, a man without a woman is because of their choosing.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
3,533 posts, read 1,619,136 times
Reputation: 4423
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
I truly believe, a man without a woman is because of their choosing.
You mean That Which We Do Not Speak Of?
 
Old 07-16-2019, 01:31 PM
 
Location: Portland, OR
5,671 posts, read 5,960,080 times
Reputation: 6521
Quote:
Originally Posted by SVTLightning View Post
So you are shallow, at least you know this going forward. Nothing wrong with it.
Someone is shallow because they donít want to have sex with ugly people?! Wow ok, might want to look up the definition of the word there chief! It does NOT mean someone who requires beauty for sexual relations, it means someone who ONLY focuses on looks - the superficial - at the exclusion of all else. While being attractive is necessary for me to be with a girl, itís not sufficient. The definition of shallow means theyíre only interested in looks and nothing else.

Also why on earth would you have sex with someone youíre not even attracted to?! People you like *besides looks* are called FRIENDS. Thatís literally the difference between straight, gay, and bisexual. Straight people arenít attracted to their own gender, even if they think the other person is awesome in every other way. If youíre going to argue that looks shouldnít matter at all, then it also shouldnít matter if the person is a guy or a girl. Thatís the logical conclusion to your line of thought, i.e. youíre just wrong and your judgment is flawed.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 01:37 PM
 
Location: Colorado
11,972 posts, read 7,363,456 times
Reputation: 21509
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
I havenít been patient? Lol Iím 39 Iím sorry if Iím a little worn down by everything. And itís not just about me thinking Iím ugly woman have now told me so. Youíre also proving my point by basically saying once you change your mindset itís still gonna take a long time before/if a women becomes attracted to you if ever because of your looks.

Iím not even actively pursuing women I got this bull sh it thrown on me without doing anything.

If a women Iím attracted to shows interest in me out of nowhere one day awesome but Iím not putting myself out there just to get shot down.

Iíll stay on the sidelines.
No. You haven't been patient, you've been stuck. Stubbornly stuck. Pining away for a woman who wasn't really that into you and even if she was, she was a mess. And all of the rest of it that we've constantly heard from you, the fact is, you make it about your looks, but anyone can tell that you don't like yourself that much. Any time you are challenged about it, you get all prickly.

And no, I did not say that if you change your mindset it'll still be a while BECAUSE OF YOUR LOOKS. If you change your mindset, you likely still have self-healing to do, the process is not a flip of a switch for instant results. Nothing is. You are at war with yourself, and you've got to start with a peace treaty and then build a good relationship, and that creates a possibility that if something good did come your way, you could accept it. Right now, you can't. But the mindset you've got says, "It's too much work, so much easier to give up." OK. Your life, your choice.

39? Yeah, my fiance was 56. It took him a long time to make peace with his demons, learn to appreciate himself, and to become open to possibilities. But it happened. It's never too late for anything, while you're breathing.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 01:48 PM
 
3,831 posts, read 1,771,176 times
Reputation: 7555
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
I do not agree, homina, my friend.

There are too many exceptions to every rule for any rule to be a rule. I'm tired of talking about my own experience and being told, "Well but you're an outlier" and ok maybe I am, but when I could point to one after another of my own friends and are THEY ALL "outliers?" How many "outliers" do there have to be, before we go...OK maybe this rule isn't actually a rule...?

I could tell story after story after story. It would completely derail the thread and it would take all day. We don't want that. But for serious though.

I do think that men in the vaguest of general terms are somewhat more oriented to visual appearances in mate selection, but I also think that they have vast variance on what they consider to be optimally attractive. Some men like younger, older, thinner, fatter, women of certain hair color or ethnicity, tall or petite, big boobs or bottoms, or small ones, some men hate tattoos on women, some love it... Any factor you could possibly name, some guy is into that somewhere. And the woman who is his dream come true is gross to the next guy.

So no, there isn't a consensus about who is the hottest person.

And women...I mean... Team Momoa, Team Keanu, Team ~Jeff Goldblum~ (*drool*)...we all like different things. But women are, as we must in order to even come close to behaving as we're trained from childhood to behave, evaluating on a much longer scorecard. You could be any woman's idea of the most perfectly sexy looking male on the planet, but if you open your mouth and a high pitched voice comes out...or if you smell unpleasantly musky to our nose...or if you say things that offend... You hit a nope button and we are DONE.

And even the last part about being as picky as we "can be" and scaling to the best we can do out of those who would pick us...that varies, too. Because some (due to upbringing, life history, whatever) are desperate for a partner, and some are more independent or, like my own boyfriend, risk avoidant or whatever. Each of us has to evaluate at what point having SOMEONE outweighs having just the right someone that we want.

The only part where it gets screwy is when we stop acknowledging that we've made a choice in that regard and start blaming the world, the opposite sex, things that are out of our control, because we're lonely and mad about it. It isn't just that this is unfair to others...it's completely unproductive. Letting yourself off the hook is not a good enough reason to throw away any and all power you could possibly have over your life.
We have very different experiences, though. And mine were real. I fully accept that when you say you disagree, that you do so based on the evidence of your experience, but please understand that my comment is based on the evidence of my experience. What I've lived and what I've observed.

I'm really happy that you have a more optimistic outlook on this stuff. I wrote a long response but I seemed to be trying to convert people to my point of view. Remembering that I mostly like people, I deleted that .
 
Old 07-16-2019, 01:56 PM
 
8,121 posts, read 6,036,742 times
Reputation: 5758
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
Iíve known some seriously ugly dudes with gorgeous girlfriends throughout my life. You also see it in public on a daily basis. Itís strange to me that a man would struggle so much to find a woman.

I truly believe, a man without a woman is because of their choosing.
I remember women liking me when I've looked my worst (20-30 lbs overweight, very little muscle).

As for the last line, I resemble that remark. It's not that I'm not active in the dating market (never worked for me), but it is more that I am actively avoiding dating. I'm still working on myself and building my masterpiece.

Even when I get to that point where I think it is good, I am still going to be a little slow when it comes to dating. I'm not gonna rush into anything.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 01:59 PM
 
8,121 posts, read 6,036,742 times
Reputation: 5758
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
You mean That Which We Do Not Speak Of?
There's a lot of those. There's the ones who want it, but can't get it. Then there are those who just opt out due to some bad experiences.

...Then there's the 'closed for renovations' types like me. Just preparing for the grand opening.
 
Old 07-16-2019, 02:01 PM
 
8,121 posts, read 6,036,742 times
Reputation: 5758
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
No. You haven't been patient, you've been stuck. Stubbornly stuck. Pining away for a woman who wasn't really that into you and even if she was, she was a mess. And all of the rest of it that we've constantly heard from you, the fact is, you make it about your looks, but anyone can tell that you don't like yourself that much. Any time you are challenged about it, you get all prickly.

And no, I did not say that if you change your mindset it'll still be a while BECAUSE OF YOUR LOOKS. If you change your mindset, you likely still have self-healing to do, the process is not a flip of a switch for instant results. Nothing is. You are at war with yourself, and you've got to start with a peace treaty and then build a good relationship, and that creates a possibility that if something good did come your way, you could accept it. Right now, you can't. But the mindset you've got says, "It's too much work, so much easier to give up." OK. Your life, your choice.

39? Yeah, my fiance was 56. It took him a long time to make peace with his demons, learn to appreciate himself, and to become open to possibilities. But it happened. It's never too late for anything, while you're breathing.
LOL!!! I sure has hell hope that I am not struggling with my demons (and I have tons) by the time I turn 39. I'm 35 now, and I got to get to work.
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