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Old 07-18-2019, 09:39 AM
 
112 posts, read 24,477 times
Reputation: 138

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
Iíve tried old and it never worked for me.. couldnít ever get a response back.. I never deleted my profile but I stayed off it and after a few years I got my first message from a lady.

I knew by her picture I had no physical attraction at all but since I can never get dates I figured why not give it a shot even knowing myself and how my attraction works that this probably would go nowhere.

She was fine as a person had fun taking to her but there was no way I could ever be intimate wit her. She called me and asked for another date I felt bad but I just couldnít do it. There was no way I could picture even kissing her.

I know how my attraction works and Iíd rather be alone the rest of my life then with someone Iím not physically attracted to at all which might be my situation but so be it.

Don't listen to these morons who claim that you're being shallow. Physical attraction is key to a relationship. How are you going to build a relatioship with someone whom the thought of kissing makes you wanna barf?



A relationship above all else needs physical attraction, chemistry, and enjoying each other's company.

 
Old 07-18-2019, 10:01 AM
 
3,825 posts, read 1,765,796 times
Reputation: 7533
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12 View Post
I don't disagree. I respond in these types of threads, though, because I think people push back against a person's claim that all of their difficulty dating is due to their looks, and in pushing back they tend to invalidate the experiences of people like me. My appearance very much limited my social life when I was young, and later on too for that matter, but the stakes weren't as high once I was an adult. I tend to believe that the people who complain here that their looks are a challenge are being pretty honest. Sometimes this forum does a sort of a just world thing on people who are frustrated, though. I'm aware that many men and women with little or no dating or relationship success let their struggles get the best of them and they may put too much focus one a single aspect of their challenge, and sure, those people often get an outcome commensurate with their weak input.

But I can easily imagine that it wasn't always that way.In any other activity, like job hunting or weight loss or learning a language or to play a musical instrument, we can look at a person who isn't having success and attribute their lack of success to the genuine difficulty of what they're trying to do. We don't blame their history of not succeeding on their current attitude, one that is the result of their struggle, and not the cause. And their fear that losing the sour attitude just puts them back where they were a few years ago when they started down this challenging and unfulfilling path is kind or rational. It feels like resistance, but it's got a basis in their lived reality. Working through that is necessary if they're to keep trying and ultimately have some success, but by blaming their attitude, we may be erasing the reality of their past experience.



I've been you in that situation, and it sucks. You've brought this up in possibly every thread you've participated in, though. This, or things like this, happen. You need to find a way to witness other men's apparent or real ease with attracting women, and not make that a comment about you having no hope. It means something, but maybe it just means that it's easy for him to attract women. Period. Most men don't have that kind of appeal, and while they may feel a twinge of envy witnessing someone who does, they deal with those feelings and make connections with women on their terms. Men just like you. Every day
@BirdieBelle,

I think what your missing is that I'm not talking to forum members who I believe tend to imply or explicitly oversimplify the dating challenges of unattractive or otherwise dating challenged people. I'm talking to the dating challenged people, and offering a different perspective from what I see as the majority opinion here.

What I bolded in the first paragraph above is a general statement, and what I bolded in the second paragraph applies to a very specific habit that JBT has. One he needs to work through if he's to keep trying and ultimately have some success. Nothing I wrote states or implies that unremarkable looking men who deal with their envy of remarkable looking men suddenly have an easy time connecting with women, or succeed because they succeed.
 
Old 07-18-2019, 10:08 AM
 
1,659 posts, read 3,609,646 times
Reputation: 1281
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
This didn’t help my self esteem.
Unfortunately OP you're a poster child for low self-esteem so of course this gave you a boost. If you can't admit that then you are not being honest...
 
Old 07-18-2019, 11:32 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,133 posts, read 12,876,178 times
Reputation: 31522
Quote:
Originally Posted by calipoppy View Post
I'm not understanding why the guys in the Dateless Wonders Club are making things harder than it needs to be. Its truly not that hard.

If you are fat....lose weight
If you are shy...work on building your confidence overall
If you are lazy...change that bad habit
If you are a loner...try getting out of your room/apartment/grandma's basement
If you are a slovenly pig....practice better hygiene and grooming habits
If you are poor...get a better job/start a business and make more money
If you are ugly....go make a LOT of money
yes, but that takes effort. It is much easier to do nothing, eat more chips in the basement and complain about the harsh world, while others put effort in their career, looks, and mental health.

Low self discipline. Look at all these actors who sometimes go through hell to get a role to get recognized. Some of them are ugly, but they have the ego to realize they have something to sell even if it isn't beauty.
Or they shave their head, gain/lose 100lbs ... it is all possible, if you WANT it badly enough.
 
Old 07-18-2019, 11:57 AM
 
8,083 posts, read 6,020,979 times
Reputation: 5727
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
yes, but that takes effort. It is much easier to do nothing, eat more chips in the basement and complain about the harsh world, while others put effort in their career, looks, and mental health.

Low self discipline. Look at all these actors who sometimes go through hell to get a role to get recognized. Some of them are ugly, but they have the ego to realize they have something to sell even if it isn't beauty.
Or they shave their head, gain/lose 100lbs ... it is all possible, if you WANT it badly enough.
I'm a little out of shape and it gets in the way of me dating (because it bothers me). What I do, I engage in physical activity and change my eating habits to include better food (with more nutrients).

I'm broke and unsatisfied with my career and finances. What do I do, I look for ways to increase my income which can include an extra job, among other legitimate means.

The solutions are not going to be a quick fix, but with commitment, it can work out.

Just a couple of examples.
 
Old 07-18-2019, 11:58 AM
 
717 posts, read 184,399 times
Reputation: 942
Quote:
Originally Posted by calipoppy View Post
I'm not understanding why the guys in the Dateless Wonders Club are making things harder than it needs to be. Its truly not that hard.

If you are fat....lose weight
If you are shy...work on building your confidence overall
If you are lazy...change that bad habit
If you are a loner...try getting out of your room/apartment/grandma's basement
If you are a slovenly pig....practice better hygiene and grooming habits
If you are poor...get a better job/start a business and make more money
If you are ugly....go make a LOT of money

If you are fat....lose weight Okay, lost 140 pounds in the last 18 months


If you are shy...work on building your confidence overall Okay, I worked on being a better conversationalist, meeting new people, getting out into activities that put me in social situations, worked to ignore the fearful voice in the back of my head that said "They don't like you, you need to hide"


If you are lazy...change that bad habit Never been lazy, work ethic is good


If you are a loner...try getting out of your room/apartment/grandma's basement See above


If you are a slovenly pig....practice better hygiene and grooming habits Did this, I keep my spaces nice and tidy, I've worked on my wardrobe, hairstyle, facial hair, and style


If you are poor...get a better job/start a business and make more money I'm not wealthy, but I'm well-paid for my profession, and even better now after a job change


If you are ugly....go make a LOT of money I'm not bad-looking, just not great-looking. I am not willing to dedicate my life to making money. Money is not that important to me. I make enough to be more or less comfortable, and with some saving to buy the types of toys or take the trips that I want.


So what's next? That's the thing...TONS of work on myself. When will it be "enough"? I've reached a point where I like what I am, and any extra work I would do would be just done in hopes that women would somehow be attracted to me. That's folly. Grinding my gears. With no guarantee of success.


Not worth my time. I'll improve myself further if I want to improve myself further, for me, not for "she". But I've done all the things you listed.


...And you're wrong, they were hard. But I did them anyways.
 
Old 07-18-2019, 12:02 PM
 
8,083 posts, read 6,020,979 times
Reputation: 5727
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
If you are fat....lose weight Okay, lost 140 pounds in the last 18 months


If you are shy...work on building your confidence overall Okay, I worked on being a better conversationalist, meeting new people, getting out into activities that put me in social situations, worked to ignore the fearful voice in the back of my head that said "They don't like you, you need to hide"


If you are lazy...change that bad habit Never been lazy, work ethic is good


If you are a loner...try getting out of your room/apartment/grandma's basement See above


If you are a slovenly pig....practice better hygiene and grooming habits Did this, I keep my spaces nice and tidy, I've worked on my wardrobe, hairstyle, facial hair, and style


If you are poor...get a better job/start a business and make more money I'm not wealthy, but I'm well-paid for my profession, and even better now after a job change


If you are ugly....go make a LOT of money I'm not bad-looking, just not great-looking. I am not willing to dedicate my life to making money. Money is not that important to me. I make enough to be more or less comfortable, and with some saving to buy the types of toys or take the trips that I want.


So what's next? That's the thing...TONS of work on myself. When will it be "enough"? I've reached a point where I like what I am, and any extra work I would do would be just done in hopes that women would somehow be attracted to me. That's folly. Grinding my gears. With no guarantee of success.


Not worth my time. I'll improve myself further if I want to improve myself further, for me, not for "she". But I've done all the things you listed.


...And you're wrong, they were hard. But I did them anyways.
If you like "what" you are, then that is all that matters. While dating and relationships are good, no one really needs a (romantic) relationship.

It definitely could be worse. Hell, I want to get to where I like what I am. That's a goal. Just be happy with you and be the best you can be with others.
 
Old 07-18-2019, 01:31 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,133 posts, read 12,876,178 times
Reputation: 31522
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
If you are fat....lose weight Okay, lost 140 pounds in the last 18 months


If you are shy...work on building your confidence overall Okay, I worked on being a better conversationalist, meeting new people, getting out into activities that put me in social situations, worked to ignore the fearful voice in the back of my head that said "They don't like you, you need to hide"


If you are lazy...change that bad habit Never been lazy, work ethic is good


If you are a loner...try getting out of your room/apartment/grandma's basement See above


If you are a slovenly pig....practice better hygiene and grooming habits Did this, I keep my spaces nice and tidy, I've worked on my wardrobe, hairstyle, facial hair, and style


If you are poor...get a better job/start a business and make more money I'm not wealthy, but I'm well-paid for my profession, and even better now after a job change


If you are ugly....go make a LOT of money I'm not bad-looking, just not great-looking. I am not willing to dedicate my life to making money. Money is not that important to me. I make enough to be more or less comfortable, and with some saving to buy the types of toys or take the trips that I want.


So what's next? That's the thing...TONS of work on myself. When will it be "enough"? I've reached a point where I like what I am, and any extra work I would do would be just done in hopes that women would somehow be attracted to me. That's folly. Grinding my gears. With no guarantee of success.


Not worth my time. I'll improve myself further if I want to improve myself further, for me, not for "she". But I've done all the things you listed.


...And you're wrong, they were hard. But I did them anyways.
You do all of that and you cannot get a date??
 
Old 07-18-2019, 01:32 PM
 
4,272 posts, read 4,704,262 times
Reputation: 2898
Quote:
Originally Posted by KenCopeland View Post
Don't listen to these morons who claim that you're being shallow. Physical attraction is key to a relationship. How are you going to build a relatioship with someone whom the thought of kissing makes you wanna barf?



A relationship above all else needs physical attraction, chemistry, and enjoying each other's company.
I agree Iíd much rather be alone then someone I have no attraction to.

Some people maybe can do it but I canít.
 
Old 07-18-2019, 01:40 PM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,263 posts, read 1,230,923 times
Reputation: 4045
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
If you are fat....lose weight Okay, lost 140 pounds in the last 18 months


If you are shy...work on building your confidence overall Okay, I worked on being a better conversationalist, meeting new people, getting out into activities that put me in social situations, worked to ignore the fearful voice in the back of my head that said "They don't like you, you need to hide"


If you are lazy...change that bad habit Never been lazy, work ethic is good


If you are a loner...try getting out of your room/apartment/grandma's basement See above


If you are a slovenly pig....practice better hygiene and grooming habits Did this, I keep my spaces nice and tidy, I've worked on my wardrobe, hairstyle, facial hair, and style


If you are poor...get a better job/start a business and make more money I'm not wealthy, but I'm well-paid for my profession, and even better now after a job change


If you are ugly....go make a LOT of money I'm not bad-looking, just not great-looking. I am not willing to dedicate my life to making money. Money is not that important to me. I make enough to be more or less comfortable, and with some saving to buy the types of toys or take the trips that I want.


So what's next? That's the thing...TONS of work on myself. When will it be "enough"? I've reached a point where I like what I am, and any extra work I would do would be just done in hopes that women would somehow be attracted to me. That's folly. Grinding my gears. With no guarantee of success.


Not worth my time. I'll improve myself further if I want to improve myself further, for me, not for "she". But I've done all the things you listed.


...And you're wrong, they were hard. But I did them anyways.
Good for you! How many women have you asked out on a date in the last year?
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