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Old 07-11-2019, 01:27 PM
 
Location: NW Indiana
40,220 posts, read 15,187,670 times
Reputation: 102257

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Move on and keep searching, OP. Try to find someone closer to home. Two hours apart is still a long-distance relationship, i.e., one in which you can't just drop what you're doing and get together whenever the mood strikes. That's no way to get to know a love interest. Snap chatting and/or phone calls are no substitute for being together.

It sounds as though you're doing alright - taking good care of yourself, dating when the opportunity arises - and you need to keep doing that. Just look for someone closer to home. It's nowhere near too late, and I think you'll do just fine. Best luck.

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Old 07-11-2019, 01:53 PM
 
2,054 posts, read 865,818 times
Reputation: 5062
Sounds like you are just like everyone else. You have had girfriends, the relationships just don't last. That's pretty normal. Everyone fails with everyone until they meet the right person. When you do meet the right person you have to compromise and accept them as they are. You do have friends so you have the ability to have fun with people. Your past and your losses shouldn't stop you from living your life. You don't have to fix anyone. You don't need to put on an act. You say you have had a lot of casual hookups with drinking and partying involved. Why did none of those become a girlfriend?
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Old 07-11-2019, 02:25 PM
 
31 posts, read 7,931 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobspez View Post
Sounds like you are just like everyone else. You have had girfriends, the relationships just don't last. That's pretty normal. Everyone fails with everyone until they meet the right person. When you do meet the right person you have to compromise and accept them as they are. You do have friends so you have the ability to have fun with people. Your past and your losses shouldn't stop you from living your life. You don't have to fix anyone. You don't need to put on an act. You say you have had a lot of casual hookups with drinking and partying involved. Why did none of those become a girlfriend?

I dont know. I was very shy and very clueless in my younger years. I have grown more out of this now.

Also I was very very bad at taking hints and waiting for girls to make a move.

Also I somehow always tried get girls who are unavaiable. Girls who showed interest I always found a reason not to like. But girls I had an interest in always had boyfriends or something else going on.
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Old 07-11-2019, 02:27 PM
 
1,803 posts, read 525,094 times
Reputation: 2255
Quote:
Originally Posted by Norken View Post
My friends dont even think I am dealing with anything, let alone loneliness. I never show weakness like this to even my best friend. I dont think theyd understand anyway.

I am always laughing and joking around my friends even how bad I feel inside.

I feel its easier to open up on a forum where I dont know anyone than to sit and moap to a friend.


And I guess you are right. She is probably dating someone else by now.
Thats why you dont mope or complain to a friend. You tell them you need help meeting women, you make it fun for them, and they will help you. They know you arent seeing anyone, youre not fooling them.

But if youre going to be a mopey negative nancy about it, why would anyone want to be with you, let alone friends helping you?
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Old 07-11-2019, 02:32 PM
 
6,584 posts, read 2,376,729 times
Reputation: 15142
Quote:
Originally Posted by Norken View Post
Hello..

I just realised that I am hopeless in the dating world and it seems that I am somehow drawing myself towards girls out of my reach or I am somehow sabotaging myself!!

I have a horrible dating record. I dated a girl for a few months when I was 17. She left and broke my heart.

I had a lot of casual hookups. Usually drinking/partying involved.

I found a girl who liked me but I didnt act on it when I was 24. When I was 26 I met what I thought was a great girl, but she just came out of a abusive relationship and pushed me away after 3 months of dating. Left me shattered.

I met a new girl in february through tinder. Hung out 5 times but she just looked at me as a friend.

Then in late April I met a girl on tinder who I started talking to ALOT through snapchat.. Too much really.

She lives 2 hours away and after a month we were gonna meet up. She cancelled because she wasnt ready to date. I told her to text if she changed her mind. She did. Then we met up after maybe 1 1/2 month of talking. We had a good time. Made out on the end of the night.

We meet up the weekend after at my place this time and she was a bit different I felt but still had a good time.

She was always reaching out to me by snapchat everyday etc.

The next weekend we couldnt hang because we were both out of town. She still kept texting me through weekend. On sunday I texted her asking if she could do something the following week. She seemed a bit annoyed when I was talking to her but to which she relpied: i may be going out of town that weekend, but I will let you know.

This is the last time she texted me. Last weekend she was indeed away and she posted a snapchat on her story. I wrote to her: looks like a great place! And she didnt respond.

She has not written to me in 1 1/2 week.

I have also not reached out to her..

I am not sure if maybe she thinks I dont care since it wad her reaching out most of the time or if she just isnt interested.

Still I seem to only attract girls who are emotinally unavaiable or girls who live far away or girls who have boyfriends..

I read somewhere that this is traits of people who grew up in unstable homes which my hous3 deff was with both alcoholic parents and I was taken by child support a few times because of the alcoholism.

Never been physically abused though.

But why do I draw towarda what I cant have? I actually went on a date with another girl at the same time I met this last girl.

She seemed auper interested and texted me a few times to meet up. Still I was just drawing towards the girl living far away. Now both is lost. Do I try to sabotage myself somehow and why do I do this?!? I dont understand this by myself.

It is self destructing and makes me feel extremely lonely and depressed.

At this moment I feel I will never ever ever find anyone.


Should I reach out to this last girl one more time and ask to hang out? Idunno. She never replied back to me as she said she was gonna do and to me this is just lack of interest.


Sorry for the superlong post.

You know...all is not lost, because you're becoming self-aware of your hang-ups. That is HUGE!


I would guess that having grown up in an extremely dysfunctional family, (and perhaps foster care?) that you grew up thinking you don't deserve nice things, and you don't deserve (or expect) to have goodness come in your life. So you chase what's out of reach, knowing subconsciously, you can't have it. And that keeps your inner child safe.


But you are aware that you're sabotaging yourself. SO many people come to this forum, and don't realize that they are their own worst enemy.


It seems to me, that you are learning from your mistakes, in increments. Really...that's how most of us learn. I personally, have high hopes for you. Sincerely. I feel like you're "getting there". :-)
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Old 07-11-2019, 05:46 PM
 
Location: Ro cha cha, NY
3,075 posts, read 4,202,933 times
Reputation: 5394
Quote:
Originally Posted by Norken View Post
Hello..

I just realised that I am hopeless in the dating world and it seems that I am somehow drawing myself towards girls out of my reach or I am somehow sabotaging myself!!

I have a horrible dating record. I dated a girl for a few months when I was 17. She left and broke my heart.

I had a lot of casual hookups. Usually drinking/partying involved.

I found a girl who liked me but I didnt act on it when I was 24. When I was 26 I met what I thought was a great girl, but she just came out of a abusive relationship and pushed me away after 3 months of dating. Left me shattered.

I met a new girl in february through tinder. Hung out 5 times but she just looked at me as a friend.

Then in late April I met a girl on tinder who I started talking to ALOT through snapchat.. Too much really.

She lives 2 hours away and after a month we were gonna meet up. She cancelled because she wasnt ready to date. I told her to text if she changed her mind. She did. Then we met up after maybe 1 1/2 month of talking. We had a good time. Made out on the end of the night.

We meet up the weekend after at my place this time and she was a bit different I felt but still had a good time.

She was always reaching out to me by snapchat everyday etc.

The next weekend we couldnt hang because we were both out of town. She still kept texting me through weekend. On sunday I texted her asking if she could do something the following week. She seemed a bit annoyed when I was talking to her but to which she relpied: i may be going out of town that weekend, but I will let you know.

This is the last time she texted me. Last weekend she was indeed away and she posted a snapchat on her story. I wrote to her: looks like a great place! And she didnt respond.

She has not written to me in 1 1/2 week.

I have also not reached out to her..

I am not sure if maybe she thinks I dont care since it wad her reaching out most of the time or if she just isnt interested.

Still I seem to only attract girls who are emotinally unavaiable or girls who live far away or girls who have boyfriends..

I read somewhere that this is traits of people who grew up in unstable homes which my hous3 deff was with both alcoholic parents and I was taken by child support a few times because of the alcoholism.

Never been physically abused though.

But why do I draw towarda what I cant have? I actually went on a date with another girl at the same time I met this last girl.

She seemed auper interested and texted me a few times to meet up. Still I was just drawing towards the girl living far away. Now both is lost. Do I try to sabotage myself somehow and why do I do this?!? I dont understand this by myself.

It is self destructing and makes me feel extremely lonely and depressed.

At this moment I feel I will never ever ever find anyone.


Should I reach out to this last girl one more time and ask to hang out? Idunno. She never replied back to me as she said she was gonna do and to me this is just lack of interest.


Sorry for the superlong post.
You've just had a string of bad luck. It happens to most of us at some time or another. Don't let it dissuade you. And yes, reach out to her. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Last edited by supermanpansy; 07-11-2019 at 06:27 PM..
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Old 07-11-2019, 06:23 PM
 
1,200 posts, read 354,710 times
Reputation: 3750
I suspect that after a few dates it becomes obvious that something is off with you. By that I mean you don't seem happy. You may have some depression issues that you should deal with. But don't give up on dating.
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Old 07-12-2019, 02:50 PM
 
702 posts, read 310,407 times
Reputation: 387
Some guys will always find their way in the friendzone, that's just the way it goes.
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Old 07-13-2019, 09:36 PM
 
Location: Fairfax, VA
837 posts, read 693,554 times
Reputation: 984
Quote:
Originally Posted by Norken View Post

Still I seem to only attract girls who are emotinally unavaiable or girls who live far away or girls who have boyfriends..

I read somewhere that this is traits of people who grew up in unstable homes which my hous3 deff was with both alcoholic parents and I was taken by child support a few times because of the alcoholism.
If you were taken very young, the fear of abandonment/relationship loss could be permanently(?) stamped on your psyche, and is probably why you are picking unattainable partners -- because you know/fear it will end.
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Old 07-13-2019, 10:03 PM
 
4,779 posts, read 1,435,292 times
Reputation: 6582
Quote:
Originally Posted by PJSaturn View Post
It sounds as though you're doing alright - taking good care of yourself, dating when the opportunity arises - and you need to keep doing that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobspez View Post
Sounds like you are just like everyone else. You have had girfriends, the relationships just don't last. That's pretty normal. Everyone fails with everyone until they meet the right person.
I agree with the quoted comments. OP, you seem to be doing fine. You're just overthinking stuff.
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