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Old 07-11-2019, 11:40 AM
 
31 posts, read 7,931 times
Reputation: 20

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Hello..

I just realised that I am hopeless in the dating world and it seems that I am somehow drawing myself towards girls out of my reach or I am somehow sabotaging myself!!

I have a horrible dating record. I dated a girl for a few months when I was 17. She left and broke my heart.

I had a lot of casual hookups. Usually drinking/partying involved.

I found a girl who liked me but I didnt act on it when I was 24. When I was 26 I met what I thought was a great girl, but she just came out of a abusive relationship and pushed me away after 3 months of dating. Left me shattered.

I met a new girl in february through tinder. Hung out 5 times but she just looked at me as a friend.

Then in late April I met a girl on tinder who I started talking to ALOT through snapchat.. Too much really.

She lives 2 hours away and after a month we were gonna meet up. She cancelled because she wasnt ready to date. I told her to text if she changed her mind. She did. Then we met up after maybe 1 1/2 month of talking. We had a good time. Made out on the end of the night.

We meet up the weekend after at my place this time and she was a bit different I felt but still had a good time.

She was always reaching out to me by snapchat everyday etc.

The next weekend we couldnt hang because we were both out of town. She still kept texting me through weekend. On sunday I texted her asking if she could do something the following week. She seemed a bit annoyed when I was talking to her but to which she relpied: i may be going out of town that weekend, but I will let you know.

This is the last time she texted me. Last weekend she was indeed away and she posted a snapchat on her story. I wrote to her: looks like a great place! And she didnt respond.

She has not written to me in 1 1/2 week.

I have also not reached out to her..

I am not sure if maybe she thinks I dont care since it wad her reaching out most of the time or if she just isnt interested.

Still I seem to only attract girls who are emotinally unavaiable or girls who live far away or girls who have boyfriends..

I read somewhere that this is traits of people who grew up in unstable homes which my hous3 deff was with both alcoholic parents and I was taken by child support a few times because of the alcoholism.

Never been physically abused though.

But why do I draw towarda what I cant have? I actually went on a date with another girl at the same time I met this last girl.

She seemed auper interested and texted me a few times to meet up. Still I was just drawing towards the girl living far away. Now both is lost. Do I try to sabotage myself somehow and why do I do this?!? I dont understand this by myself.

It is self destructing and makes me feel extremely lonely and depressed.

At this moment I feel I will never ever ever find anyone.


Should I reach out to this last girl one more time and ask to hang out? Idunno. She never replied back to me as she said she was gonna do and to me this is just lack of interest.


Sorry for the superlong post.
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Old 07-11-2019, 12:27 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,296 posts, read 41,861,706 times
Reputation: 83180
Aw man, sorry you're feeling this way.

I would not reach out again to this particular girl.

You are making connections, which is good. But it's hard for us to "diagnose" anything based on what you've written. Are you working full time now? In school at all?
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Old 07-11-2019, 12:35 PM
 
7,994 posts, read 5,995,169 times
Reputation: 5644
Quote:
Originally Posted by Norken View Post
Hello..

I just realised that I am hopeless in the dating world and it seems that I am somehow drawing myself towards girls out of my reach or I am somehow sabotaging myself!!

I have a horrible dating record. I dated a girl for a few months when I was 17. She left and broke my heart.

I had a lot of casual hookups. Usually drinking/partying involved.

I found a girl who liked me but I didnt act on it when I was 24. When I was 26 I met what I thought was a great girl, but she just came out of a abusive relationship and pushed me away after 3 months of dating. Left me shattered.

I met a new girl in february through tinder. Hung out 5 times but she just looked at me as a friend.

Then in late April I met a girl on tinder who I started talking to ALOT through snapchat.. Too much really.

She lives 2 hours away and after a month we were gonna meet up. She cancelled because she wasnt ready to date. I told her to text if she changed her mind. She did. Then we met up after maybe 1 1/2 month of talking. We had a good time. Made out on the end of the night.

We meet up the weekend after at my place this time and she was a bit different I felt but still had a good time.

She was always reaching out to me by snapchat everyday etc.

The next weekend we couldnt hang because we were both out of town. She still kept texting me through weekend. On sunday I texted her asking if she could do something the following week. She seemed a bit annoyed when I was talking to her but to which she relpied: i may be going out of town that weekend, but I will let you know.

This is the last time she texted me. Last weekend she was indeed away and she posted a snapchat on her story. I wrote to her: looks like a great place! And she didnt respond.

She has not written to me in 1 1/2 week.

I have also not reached out to her..

I am not sure if maybe she thinks I dont care since it wad her reaching out most of the time or if she just isnt interested.

Still I seem to only attract girls who are emotinally unavaiable or girls who live far away or girls who have boyfriends..

I read somewhere that this is traits of people who grew up in unstable homes which my hous3 deff was with both alcoholic parents and I was taken by child support a few times because of the alcoholism.

Never been physically abused though.

But why do I draw towarda what I cant have? I actually went on a date with another girl at the same time I met this last girl.

She seemed auper interested and texted me a few times to meet up. Still I was just drawing towards the girl living far away. Now both is lost. Do I try to sabotage myself somehow and why do I do this?!? I dont understand this by myself.

It is self destructing and makes me feel extremely lonely and depressed.

At this moment I feel I will never ever ever find anyone.


Should I reach out to this last girl one more time and ask to hang out? Idunno. She never replied back to me as she said she was gonna do and to me this is just lack of interest.


Sorry for the superlong post.
It sounds like you are going on dates, so you're doing fine in that respect. I would probably say take a break from dating and talking things through with someone.

Good things, you recognize something is up and you want to get to the bottom of it. I think that's great.
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Old 07-11-2019, 12:47 PM
 
31 posts, read 7,931 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Aw man, sorry you're feeling this way.

I would not reach out again to this particular girl.

You are making connections, which is good. But it's hard for us to "diagnose" anything based on what you've written. Are you working full time now? In school at all?


Funny thing is that I do have a full time job. I have lots of friends, I own my own house, I work out 5 times per week. Have good hobbies that I like.

Sounds all well and good but I am still feeling so extremely lonely and worthless really. I had 10 friends over last weekend before hitting the pubs and I have never felt so alone in a long time.

I do have a tendency to think the worst at most times and especially with women I feel they are out to hurt me or maybe not hurt, but at least that they will leave after a little while. That I never can find someone who sticks.

And whatcha know, there leaves another one and just reinforces that same belief. And I beat myself up so bad over this. I get so mad at myself for always ****in it up with women.

I can go through a convo with a girl I am dating in my head 3 times, thinking about all small things. overthinking is my speciality.

Also to be honest I am very closed off except to a colleague I work with. I have a real hard time trusting anyone and I feel everyone is either dying on me or abandomning me. Only family I really connect with is one of my sister. Still, I know I am a good guy. I enjoy helping people, give them advice, making people feel good. I just want everyone I know to be happy.

I just cant seem to make myself happy.

I dont know if this comes from childhood or whatever, it was pretty messed up since I was 12 and I moved out when turning 18.

Could be I am just better of staying single to not burden to anyone. Just buy 10 snakes and be that crazy guy roaming the streets

Guess thats what happens to a guy who only just wanted a gf since I was 12 and not gettin close.
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Old 07-11-2019, 12:56 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,564 posts, read 24,148,016 times
Reputation: 48981
Quote:
Originally Posted by Norken View Post
Sounds all well and good but I am still feeling so extremely lonely and worthless really. I had 10 friends over last weekend before hitting the pubs and I have never felt so alone in a long time.
.
What you do have to consider is that a woman can't and won't solve this problem for you. Nor should she, that would be unfair. You have to believe you have worth as a person--a relationship isn't going to change that.
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Old 07-11-2019, 01:02 PM
 
31 posts, read 7,931 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
What you do have to consider is that a woman can't and won't solve this problem for you. Nor should she, that would be unfair. You have to believe you have worth as a person--a relationship isn't going to change that.
In a way yes I know, but still when I am dating someone I feel much better in a way that I can do this with her. I enjoy camping and would love to bring a gf for example.

I am also not getting younger. I am soon 28 and Id like to start a family before I am like 40.

I am not saying I am looking for someone to fix me. I understand thats not how it works. I am just really sick and tired of being alone and not having anybody.

Maybe its a kind of validation from women I am looking for? I dont know.
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Old 07-11-2019, 01:06 PM
 
1,803 posts, read 525,094 times
Reputation: 2255
Quote:
Originally Posted by Norken View Post
Funny thing is that I do have a full time job. I have lots of friends, I own my own house, I work out 5 times per week. Have good hobbies that I like.

Sounds all well and good but I am still feeling so extremely lonely and worthless really. I had 10 friends over last weekend before hitting the pubs and I have never felt so alone in a long time.

I do have a tendency to think the worst at most times and especially with women I feel they are out to hurt me or maybe not hurt, but at least that they will leave after a little while. That I never can find someone who sticks.

And whatcha know, there leaves another one and just reinforces that same belief. And I beat myself up so bad over this. I get so mad at myself for always ****in it up with women.

I can go through a convo with a girl I am dating in my head 3 times, thinking about all small things. overthinking is my speciality.

Also to be honest I am very closed off except to a colleague I work with. I have a real hard time trusting anyone and I feel everyone is either dying on me or abandomning me. Only family I really connect with is one of my sister. Still, I know I am a good guy. I enjoy helping people, give them advice, making people feel good. I just want everyone I know to be happy.

I just cant seem to make myself happy.

I dont know if this comes from childhood or whatever, it was pretty messed up since I was 12 and I moved out when turning 18.

Could be I am just better of staying single to not burden to anyone. Just buy 10 snakes and be that crazy guy roaming the streets

Guess thats what happens to a guy who only just wanted a gf since I was 12 and not gettin close.
What are you doing to figure out what you might be doing wrong with these women?
Your friends are the best source to help you with that. But they wont do it if they think you wont listen to the truth, you need to build some trust there. The fact that you say you have lost of friends but youre still clueless, then come to a message board to find out seems like theres alot missing from the story.


BTW dont contact the other women who stopped contacting you, they probably started dating other guys.
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Old 07-11-2019, 01:11 PM
 
7,994 posts, read 5,995,169 times
Reputation: 5644
Quote:
Originally Posted by Norken View Post
Funny thing is that I do have a full time job. I have lots of friends, I own my own house, I work out 5 times per week. Have good hobbies that I like.

Sounds all well and good but I am still feeling so extremely lonely and worthless really. I had 10 friends over last weekend before hitting the pubs and I have never felt so alone in a long time.

I do have a tendency to think the worst at most times and especially with women I feel they are out to hurt me or maybe not hurt, but at least that they will leave after a little while. That I never can find someone who sticks.

And whatcha know, there leaves another one and just reinforces that same belief. And I beat myself up so bad over this. I get so mad at myself for always ****in it up with women.

I can go through a convo with a girl I am dating in my head 3 times, thinking about all small things. overthinking is my speciality.

Also to be honest I am very closed off except to a colleague I work with. I have a real hard time trusting anyone and I feel everyone is either dying on me or abandomning me. Only family I really connect with is one of my sister. Still, I know I am a good guy. I enjoy helping people, give them advice, making people feel good. I just want everyone I know to be happy.

I just cant seem to make myself happy.

I dont know if this comes from childhood or whatever, it was pretty messed up since I was 12 and I moved out when turning 18.

Could be I am just better of staying single to not burden to anyone. Just buy 10 snakes and be that crazy guy roaming the streets

Guess thats what happens to a guy who only just wanted a gf since I was 12 and not gettin close.
This really hit me. Every last friend I had is in the hereafter. One lady friend as far as I know is still alive, but she pushed me away which I am pretty much okay with that.

But like another poster said, a girlfriend or a wife is not going to solve your problems. You're better off addressing your issues outside of a relationship.
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Old 07-11-2019, 01:14 PM
 
31 posts, read 7,931 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harry Hemi View Post
What are you doing to figure out what you might be doing wrong with these women?
Your friends are the best source to help you with that. But they wont do it if they think you wont listen to the truth, you need to build some trust there. The fact that you say you have lost of friends but youre still clueless, then come to a message board to find out seems like theres alot missing from the story.


BTW dont contact the other women who stopped contacting you, they probably started dating other guys.


My friends dont even think I am dealing with anything, let alone loneliness. I never show weakness like this to even my best friend. I dont think theyd understand anyway.

I am always laughing and joking around my friends even how bad I feel inside.

I feel its easier to open up on a forum where I dont know anyone than to sit and moap to a friend.


And I guess you are right. She is probably dating someone else by now.
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Old 07-11-2019, 01:21 PM
 
31 posts, read 7,931 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
This really hit me. Every last friend I had is in the hereafter. One lady friend as far as I know is still alive, but she pushed me away which I am pretty much okay with that.

But like another poster said, a girlfriend or a wife is not going to solve your problems. You're better off addressing your issues outside of a relationship.


Yeah it really sucks. All my grandparents died when I was small, 2 friends commited suicide, one friend died at sea, the only relatives I really connected with died of cancer. My father drank himself to death 3 years ago, my cousin who was also my best friend who I miss so much died in a accident at sea 3 months ago and last week I get text that another of my uncle has gotten cancer.


Most of them didnt make it past their 40's
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