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Old 07-17-2019, 10:53 AM
 
20,633 posts, read 16,680,404 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thefallensrvnge View Post
Yes, I do agree with this. I've known a number of people who struggle to show their true feelings, myself included. I've gotten caught in the trap of hiding my emotions because I feel like the other person is not into me, when in reality, they're playing the same game.

Someone has to have the guts to express their feelings, rejection be damned.
I’m not sure that’s really it. I think it’s more like when you’re with a guy who is in completely into you the way you are them, but you profess confusion about how they feel. Deep down inside I always knew the truth. But I would accept the mixed signals as a gleeful sign that he really did like me. Usually they liked me in the sense that they had a good time when they were with me and they like sleeping with me. But I was in love and they were not. But I would take the mixed signals and use it to fool myself into thinking maybe they’re changing. I would talk to girlfriends and say I don’t know what to think! When I get in deep down inside I really didn’t know the truth.
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Old 07-18-2019, 02:24 AM
 
14,445 posts, read 17,396,277 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
Just ran across this line on Reddit and it clicked with me pretty hard. It really resonates with a lot of the experiences I’ve had. Also means I haven’t been nearly as good at hiding my cards with my crushes as I thought I was, though in certain situations it’s not like my tells have been hard to pick up on.

Any thoughts? Disagreements?
I totally agree
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Old 07-18-2019, 06:23 AM
 
351 posts, read 88,070 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thefallensrvnge View Post
Yes, I do agree with this. I've known a number of people who struggle to show their true feelings, myself included. I've gotten caught in the trap of hiding my emotions because I feel like the other person is not into me, when in reality, they're playing the same game.

Someone has to have the guts to express their feelings, rejection be damned.

You do not have to tell someone your feelings to start dating them, and I don't recommend that, even if your feelings are strong. Save the true feelings admissions for later when you are exclusive and established as a couple, when you know they have the same feelings for you. Otherwise if they don't feel the same it can make them feel obligated or uncomfortable about your strong feelings.



Actions speak louder then words anyway and asking them out tells them you like them.
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Old 07-18-2019, 03:12 PM
 
261 posts, read 122,715 times
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You need to sit through a couple of screenings of "Gone With The Wind". Pay particular attention to the line "Frankly my dear I don't give a damn."


Why do you suppose Rhet's response became so famous?
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Old 07-18-2019, 03:21 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 17 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,660 posts, read 3,694,065 times
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If a person is confused, they should walk away.
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Old 07-18-2019, 03:27 PM
 
4,998 posts, read 1,252,853 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
I think you’re projecting. I don’t know why a grown woman is going to “practice flirting”. If she just escaped from Amish country, or was released from the state hospital, maybe she would practice to find out what the outcome could be.

Otherwise we know, and are prepared for, what that may incite. Interest. Perhaps it was the way you asked her out? Too direct or abrupt? What did you say that made her act with surprise?
lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
I’m not sure that’s really it. I think it’s more like when you’re with a guy who is in completely into you the way you are them, but you profess confusion about how they feel. Deep down inside I always knew the truth. But I would accept the mixed signals as a gleeful sign that he really did like me. Usually they liked me in the sense that they had a good time when they were with me and they like sleeping with me. But I was in love and they were not. But I would take the mixed signals and use it to fool myself into thinking maybe they’re changing. I would talk to girlfriends and say I don’t know what to think! When I get in deep down inside I really didn’t know the truth.
Agree. I was similar. I wish I had seen that episode of Sex and the City where Miranda has Carrie's bf tell her the guy 'was just not into her' before I wasted years wondering what some guy was thinking.
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Old 07-18-2019, 05:00 PM
 
20,633 posts, read 16,680,404 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grlzrl View Post
lol



Agree. I was similar. I wish I had seen that episode of Sex and the City where Miranda has Carrie's bf tell her the guy 'was just not into her' before I wasted years wondering what some guy was thinking.
Yes, it should have been that easy! I heard a good line on the radio this morning, the host said “A relationship is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably crap.
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Old 07-18-2019, 05:12 PM
 
717 posts, read 185,752 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ActionJaction View Post
You need to sit through a couple of screenings of "Gone With The Wind". Pay particular attention to the line "Frankly my dear I don't give a damn."


Why do you suppose Rhet's response became so famous?

First use of profanity in a mainstream movie? I get your drift, that the key is to not care. That's gotten me into trouble in the past, though.
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Old 07-18-2019, 08:27 PM
 
351 posts, read 88,070 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
To split hairs, mine have been more wishful thinking than druthers. “She smiled at me and talked to me, and laughed at my jokes, and contacted me on social media, that means she’s interested!” kind of thing. The confusion would come later, after the rejection.
This may or may not show high interest in someone. And, the really shy quiet woman who rarely speaks to you may have a very high interest in you but not showing it.

The confusion arises from not knowing if someone flirting and talking to you is showing romantic interest or just friendship interest. What a lot of woman don't know is when a woman smiles, flirts, laughs etc around a guy makes her stand out and gets his attention. To a guy, he will often read it as a prelude to physical affection, the next step. Because 99% of women around him are not acting like that.

However to a woman, it's 99% probable she is just being friendly and not making any romantic gesture or advance, whatsoever. To her, it's how you hang with a guy friend, without romantic intent. Guys become confused because they don't know how a woman shows romantic interest. Because it happens so rarely.

That's why I say guys should not look for or expect a romantic advance from a woman, even if she has high interest. Women will rarely make an overt romantic advance. This is because they usually have a high interest, but not a romantic interest that quickly and so early, whereas guys can have romantic interest right off. Thus a woman can have high interest that isn't romantic yet. Women need time to feel romantic. Guys don't.

This is confusing for a guy because is her behavior friendship interest or hidden romantic interest? Most guys don't know woman are like that. His feelings are already romantic. Hers is not, it's just a high interest. What the guy needs to do, IF he has romantic feelings, and can't tell what her feelings are, is assume she doesn't have romantic feelings yet, and do things together that can make her romantic feelings safe to come out, and at her pace.

When her romantic feelings grow, they will slowly, as she learns to open up and trust him. This allows her to feel SAFE to let her core love feelings out, so to speak, which is what she needs to let core love feelings come forth that is kept in a lock box, so to speak. When she has a high interest to start with, that isn't romantic yet, the guy needs to provide for her to get closer to him at her pace, having fun together, sharing and earning her trust- that her feelings are SAFE with him. That's when her romantic feelings develop. That's why it's slower. That's why guys get confused. They need to understand her romantic feelings take time.

Last edited by james112; 07-18-2019 at 08:35 PM..
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Old 07-18-2019, 08:29 PM
 
261 posts, read 122,715 times
Reputation: 247
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
First use of profanity in a mainstream movie? I get your drift, that the key is to not care. That's gotten me into trouble in the past, though.

When I saw GWTW for the first time in a movie theater, after the Rhet Butler character delivered his parting line, I was startled to hear the audience break into applause.


But you could not have been expected to respond in such a way in high school.
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