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Just ran across this line on Reddit and it clicked with me pretty hard. It really resonates with a lot of the experiences I’ve had. Also means I haven’t been nearly as good at hiding my cards with my crushes as I thought I was, though in certain situations it’s not like my tells have been hard to pick up on.
Just ran across this line on Reddit and it clicked with me pretty hard. It really resonates with a lot of the experiences I’ve had. Also means I haven’t been nearly as good at hiding my cards with my crushes as I thought I was, though in certain situations it’s not like my tells have been hard to pick up on.
Any thoughts? Disagreements?
Yeah, I agree with it and used it in this thread a couple months ago:
I think the "confusion" part stems from people inserting their own druthers into the situation.
To split hairs, mine have been more wishful thinking than druthers. “She smiled at me and talked to me, and laughed at my jokes, and contacted me on social media, that means she’s interested!” kind of thing. The confusion would come later, after the rejection.
To split hairs, mine have been more wishful thinking than druthers. “She smiled at me and talked to me, and laughed at my jokes, and contacted me on social media, that means she’s interested!” kind of thing. The confusion would come later, after the rejection.
Yeah, that’s splitting it all right.
I read it as “you get confused because you’re reading into it what isn’t there.”
That’s petty combative. If someone’s not interested then so be it, nothing deceitful about it...the deceit comes from within one’s self.
I don’t think people generally reject others with the intention of hurting them, much less intentionally leading them on with the intent to hurt them. That’s like something out of Carrie. Even the one time I felt a girl actually flirted with me outside of a service context (i.e., not a waitress or bartender flirting with me for tips), I think she was surprised when I asked her out...she wasn’t flirting with me to hurt me so much as to practice being flirty.
I think she was surprised when I asked her out...she wasn’t flirting with me to hurt me so much as to practice being flirty.
I think you’re projecting. I don’t know why a grown woman is going to “practice flirting”. If she just escaped from Amish country, or was released from the state hospital, maybe she would practice to find out what the outcome could be.
Otherwise we know, and are prepared for, what that may incite. Interest. Perhaps it was the way you asked her out? Too direct or abrupt? What did you say that made her act with surprise?
Just ran across this line on Reddit and it clicked with me pretty hard. It really resonates with a lot of the experiences I’ve had. Also means I haven’t been nearly as good at hiding my cards with my crushes as I thought I was, though in certain situations it’s not like my tells have been hard to pick up on.
Any thoughts? Disagreements?
I'd like to say if you're confused, it's because you're holding on to false hope. That's what I'd like to believe.
But there's no denying that there are some players out there.
I think you’re projecting. I don’t know why a grown woman is going to “practice flirting”. If she just escaped from Amish country, or was released from the state hospital, maybe she would practice to find out what the outcome could be.
Otherwise we know, and are prepared for, what that may incite. Interest. Perhaps it was the way you asked her out? Too direct or abrupt? What did you say that made her act with surprise?
This was a long time ago, in high school. We were sophomores. So, not a grown woman. And I doubt I was too direct or abrupt, if anything, the opposite, and if I went wrong it was there. I’d gotten to know her playing trivia games with her in a teacher’s classroom after school a few times. Later she flirted with me heavily at an extracurricular event one weekend...sitting next to me all night, finding reasons to touch my coat sleeve or knee, straightening my tie, whispering in my ear, letting her foot idly brush up and down my leg as we sat there, joking and laughing quietly.
It was waaaay more attention than I’d gotten from girls either before or since, as I said, it’s the only time a girl/woman flirted with me when there weren’t service jobs involved. I was smitten. The next week I slipped a note into her book saying that I liked her, that I wanted to go out with her, and giving her my number. She avoided me in school after that...there was no Mean Girls-esque denunciation and humiliation, if that’s what you’re thinking, just a cold shoulder and indifference from then on. That’s why I think it was a surprise to her...to me it looked like she didn’t want me to make the mistake of thinking she was into me again. That, or the note was such a bad idea (as opposed to asking straight) that it was a turn-off, maybe even offensive.
There’s a meme out there, a little boy hugging a dog, and the dog turns around and starts licking the boy, and the kid takes off running in disgust...the caption is “When you’re just flirting but they catch feelings.” I can’t find the full meme, but here’s a screen grab from it:
Seems to sum up the situation. Left me thoroughly confused. Also doesn’t quite fit the OP premise, because from everything I’ve read about and observed of female flirtation, that seems to fit the bill more than anything else I’ve experienced. I just don’t think she meant it to go anywhere, for whatever reason...but I also don’t think she was a “wolf in sheep’s clothing” either. Just a teenage girl experimenting with her sensuality.
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