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Old 07-12-2019, 11:46 AM
 
Location: Louisville, KY
4 posts, read 388 times
Reputation: 12

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Greetings

I am new to these forums and am a seeker of knowledge in general and in need of some feedback on my current personal situation.

I am a 71 year old, twice divorced male. Back in late December, I was on a senior’s dating site seeking an on-going, intimate, monogamous relationship with a lady. I was contacted by a wonderful 63 year old lady and we immediately hit it off. The great bonus was that she lived only 15 minutes away.

We have been nearly inseparable since our first meeting on 1/15/2019. (We spent the prior two weeks in regular, long and detailed email correspondence.) We have made numerous out of town and out of state trips, have met each other’s families, laugh our asses off every day and enjoy a sex life that a lot of 30 year olds would envy.

With 5 failed marriages between us, we agree that marriage is not a desirable option. I have current family commitments that are an obstacle to using living together and she may be entering such a commitment to her family before winter.

Here is the dilemma:

I have been single and lived alone about ½ of my adult life. On the other hand my O&O (One and only) has been in marriages, even though doomed and/or loveless, the majority of hers.

While I am comfortable with, as we call it, “Separate lives together” or “living together separately” with us overnighting at one’s abode or the other’s two to three nights a week and, of course, when we travel; she says that it feels “weird” to her. She contends that it is very rare for folks our age to not be settled into co-habitation situations.

I contend that it is not as rare as she might think and that a lot of seniors have set immutable living arrangements that lead to sharing love with their partner when circumstances permit. Her reply is, “tell me who.”

So that is my first question on this forum,

“Does anyone out there know of any successful, on-going, committed relationships involving seniors like us where co-habitation is not a current option ?”
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Old 07-12-2019, 12:00 PM
 
1,211 posts, read 999,858 times
Reputation: 2004
I can't say I know any, but that would be my preferred situation if I were to find someone I wanted to establish a relationship with. Stick to your guns. Relationships have a way of changing when you live together, and not always in ways you'd like.
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Old 07-12-2019, 12:15 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,145 posts, read 12,918,317 times
Reputation: 31597
If the thought of living together doesn't get you excited, you should not move in together.

Did she give you an ultimatum aka is it a deal breaker for her if it stays the way it is?
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Old 07-12-2019, 12:23 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,544 posts, read 42,115,885 times
Reputation: 83781
I know two couples who live this way.

Unlike your situation, in these cases both the women were against cohabitation.

The main reasons cited: They are not interested in being a housewife again, having been there done that and gotten over it; they wanted to keep their assets separate; and their own experience with marriage made them reluctant to even live together again.

Small problems can become big problems when you live together. I think they were hoping to put this off as long as possible and just enjoy the benefits of dating, not living, together.

One woman did mention that she isn't really interested in becoming a caregiver in the event of serious illness or infirmity, which I guess speaks to the level of emotional commitment in that relationship, which is sad. But that's what they wanted.

Last edited by BirdieBelle; 07-12-2019 at 12:37 PM..
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Old 07-12-2019, 12:29 PM
 
Location: PA
780 posts, read 401,449 times
Reputation: 1256
I don't know any older couples like this. BUT I do know several couples in their 30s and 40s who have his and her bedrooms and only share a bed for occasional sex. No way would I be in a relationship like this. You might as well be roommates. I want to fall asleep snuggled up with my partner and wake up with. And in the hellish Northeast winters I want somwone to help keep me warm at night. Lol.
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Old 07-12-2019, 12:54 PM
 
Location: Florida
19,862 posts, read 19,980,401 times
Reputation: 23343
Sorry but I like to see that first time posters actually stay here to read and respond before wasting my time replying.
You there Chazcee? Or, rather, here?
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Old 07-12-2019, 01:15 PM
 
Location: a primitive state
9,896 posts, read 20,206,535 times
Reputation: 12460
Here’s a good article about it: https://time.com/5271527/older-coupl...art-unmarried/
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Old 07-12-2019, 02:13 PM
 
3,804 posts, read 3,019,951 times
Reputation: 7640
Welcome to the forums. I don't know any couples in your general age bracket who live apart. My parents are in their mid-70s and live in an area where there are quite a number of retirees in their 60s and 70s and all the ones I know about are either single or couples living together. I do need to ask my mom about this as I remember there is one couple she said has only been dating for the past few months and I'm not sure what their living situation is.

I think it's wonderful that you and she have found such a great relationship. Best wishes to you both!
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Old 07-12-2019, 03:02 PM
 
Location: Kansas City North
4,056 posts, read 7,358,628 times
Reputation: 5949
I wish my late mother in law would have lived her life separately rather than marry the clown she did.

OP - what’s the relative financial situation between the two of you? If she has much less money, she might just be looking for an upgrade in living arrangements.
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Old 07-12-2019, 03:34 PM
 
7,442 posts, read 11,603,119 times
Reputation: 8250
Yes.

It's called every man's dream, and the dream that every woman wants to destroy...
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