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Old Yesterday, 10:08 PM
 
Location: Ro cha cha, NY
3,064 posts, read 4,199,781 times
Reputation: 5386

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Quote:
Originally Posted by iEffedUpBad View Post
I dated a woman from work last year. She initiated and made repeated advances over several months. I always had a massive crush on her, but feigned disinterest at first because I couldnít match her wit. Eventually she became so forward that I caved and agreed to go out with her, even knowing we werenít a match.

We dated casually for about six weeks. Long story short, I had no idea what I was doing with a woman, let alone one who was so strong, and made constant mistakes in dealing with her, and in my life in general, and ended up killing her attraction. I could have, but did not have sex with her despite multiple opportunitirw due to my being a weak, timid ****** with a negative attitude. She just wanted to have fun and wasnít nearly as invested as I was. I tried to hide it, but I had it bad for her, and I think she picked up on it.

Then the rejection came, suddenly and without warning. She was shockingly callous about it. Like everything else in the relationship, I didnít know how to handle it, and made a further messy embarrassment of myself. She kept talking to me as a courtesy, but I was just one of her male attention-givers at that point. A few weeks after blowing me off, she had sex with someone else and announced it in a group text where she knew I would read it, which shattered me. What hurt was not just the fact that she had moved on, but the mat she didnít care if I knew. Months later, I found out that it was with one of her friendzoned orbiters, another co-worker who at one point had been no threat to me, and never would have been if I hadnít fvcked up so bad.

Just as all this was unfolding, our work site closed down. I got laid off, and she got transferred to the companyís other office a short distance away. I quickly got another job, and a good one, but far away and with a horrible commute.

Over the ensuing months after we were separated by the site closure, I experienced what I can only describe as the worst pain known to man. The emotions were indescribable. I went complete blackout and cut all forms of contact, including social media connections. I decided Iíd rather be dead to her than a platonic friend who listens to her talk about ****ing other guys.

I would be eligible for rehire at the other office six months after getting laid off, and plotted to reappear there in February in the hope of impressing her with an improved version of myself. I wouldnít be creepy and try to flirt with her. I would accept her rejection, mind my own business, do my job, and work my ass off. If she tried to reconnect with me, which she likely would at some point, I would tell her I wasnít interested in being just friends and that she could reach out if she changed her mind. Other than that it would be a strictly professional relationship. At first I hoped I could re-attract her, and that by fixing my previous mistakes I could sleep with her, but over time I decided to assume that this was unrealistic and that I could only hope to regain her respect and my dignity by handling myself around herÖ but maybe, just maybe, I could make her see me like she used to, and something would happen.

Over the winter as my six month exile neared its end, I started second-guessing the wisdom of returning. The choice of the two jobs posed a difficult trade-off. There was a legitimate argument to return to my old company, but I knew the real reason I wanted to go there was to be around her again, and I repeatedly told myself that this was a terrible reason and that acting on it would only make my life even worse than it already is.

The six month mark passed, and I didnít go back. I continued weighting the two options, but could never pull the trigger to make the leap even though I desperately wanted to see her again.

In May, nine months since Iíd last seen her, she called me from the companyís recruiting office. She was very friendly and it wasnít weird or awkward talking to her at all, as I imagined it would be. She asked if I was interested in coming back. I told her I was thinking about it. Mostly we talked about work, but she did make a reference to our relationship last year, said ďyou deleted me on Facebook, thatís kinda mean,Ē and ďyou never call or text.Ē I donít know why she would act like Iím the one who blew her off. Itís not like she would ever reach out if not on a work call.

Another six weeks or so passed and I continued trying to justify the move, but knew I wouldnít even be thinking about it if not for her presence there. One day in June, I called the recruiting office to ask a question, and learned that she is no longer with the company.

So thatís it. Iíll never see her again. That job was my only hope of reconnecting with her, and certainly my only hope of re-attracting her, and now sheís gone. I have no idea why she left or what sheís doing now. Iím tempted to text her and ask, but I wonít. She was the one who rejected me, and I donít want to be friends, so I canít contact her. The burden of reaching out is on her, and I know Iíll never hear from her again.

Now I regret not going back when I had the chance. Even a few months with her would have meant everything to me just so I could have walked out of her life on my feet. But I canít imagine doing that job and being there without her. Using the systems she taught me to use, and the skills I worked hard to master just to impress her. She was that place to me. I saw everything and everyone there in terms of their connections to her. It all falls apart and becomes meaningless without her there regardless of the advantages of the job over my current one. Everything there would remind me of her. I canít stand the thought of being there without her.

On second thought, she seems like a skank. Slept with someone and told you all about it. Why exactly do you want her again? Stop making excuses for her behavior. This girl will do a number on you. She already is. You're blaming yourself for things that she did. None of this is indicative of a healthy start in any way. Run man. Don't look back.

 
Old Yesterday, 10:09 PM
 
41 posts, read 7,597 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gretchen963 View Post
The bolded ^^^ says it all.

You didn't really want her back, rather you just wanted a do-over so you could to leave her on YOUR terms.

Nah... she’s still always the one to end it in my do-over fantasies, the point is just to handle it better than I did.
 
Old Yesterday, 10:11 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,258 posts, read 41,844,197 times
Reputation: 83098
Quote:
Originally Posted by iEffedUpBad View Post
Nah... sheís still always the one to end it in my do-over fantasies, the point is just to handle it better than I did.
You got a LOT of good advice in your other threads about her.

Why can't you follow that?
 
Old Yesterday, 10:13 PM
 
Location: Ro cha cha, NY
3,064 posts, read 4,199,781 times
Reputation: 5386
Quote:
Originally Posted by iEffedUpBad View Post
Nah... she’s still always the one to end it in my do-over fantasies, the point is just to handle it better than I did.
You're chasing ghosts man. She plays a lot of head games and you're falling for every one of them. Have some self respect. Ignore her and move on.

Last edited by supermanpansy; Yesterday at 10:23 PM..
 
Old Yesterday, 10:16 PM
 
4,739 posts, read 1,430,185 times
Reputation: 6569
OP, I remember you now. This is the advice I gave you 10 months ago:

http://www.city-data.com/forum/52979253-post49.html

http://www.city-data.com/forum/52985840-post51.html

You have a poor attitude. You can sit around like a jerkoff feeling sorry for yourself or you can contact her.

And nobody is suggesting using friendship as a backdoor to sex. But your only chance of ever getting back together with her is by getting back in touch with her and getting back in her life. And the longer you stay out of touch with her, the worse your chances will be.
 
Old Yesterday, 10:17 PM
 
41 posts, read 7,597 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by supermanpansy View Post
You're chasing ghosts man. She plays a lot of head games and you're falling for everyone of them. Have some self respect. Ignore her and move on.
I’m not chasing anything and have not contacted her in 10 months.
 
Old Yesterday, 10:19 PM
 
1,974 posts, read 960,836 times
Reputation: 5302
I thought this sounded familiar. Wow. Still not over her, eh?

I wish you luck and I hope some random beauty flirts with you--sincerely--in the aisle where the Wheat Thins are the next time you shop. That's right, hang out near the Wheat Thins, magic will happen.

*attempts a high-five which OP completely ignores*
 
Old Yesterday, 10:20 PM
 
937 posts, read 257,934 times
Reputation: 2565
Quote:
Originally Posted by iEffedUpBad View Post
she had sex with someone else and announced it in a group text
She sounds like a class act.



Quote:
Originally Posted by iEffedUpBad View Post
where she knew I would read it
Really, really classy. And kind.
 
Old Yesterday, 10:22 PM
 
1,974 posts, read 960,836 times
Reputation: 5302
Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144 View Post
She sounds like a class act.





Really, really classy. And kind.
A thirsty man will drink from a dog's dish if his thirst is that strong.
 
Old Yesterday, 10:25 PM
 
Location: Ro cha cha, NY
3,064 posts, read 4,199,781 times
Reputation: 5386
Quote:
Originally Posted by iEffedUpBad View Post
I’m not chasing anything and have not contacted her in 10 months.
Do yourself a favor, and keep it that way.
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