I’ll never see her again, and it breaks my heart (flirts, problems)
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I dated a woman from work last year. She initiated and made repeated advances over several months. I always had a massive crush on her, but feigned disinterest at first because I couldn’t match her wit. Eventually she became so forward that I caved and agreed to go out with her, even knowing we weren’t a match.
We dated casually for about six weeks. Long story short, I had no idea what I was doing with a woman, let alone one who was so strong, and made constant mistakes in dealing with her, and in my life in general, and ended up killing her attraction. I could have, but did not have sex with her despite multiple opportunitirw due to my being a weak, timid ****** with a negative attitude. She just wanted to have fun and wasn’t nearly as invested as I was. I tried to hide it, but I had it bad for her, and I think she picked up on it.
Then the rejection came, suddenly and without warning. She was shockingly callous about it. Like everything else in the relationship, I didn’t know how to handle it, and made a further messy embarrassment of myself. She kept talking to me as a courtesy, but I was just one of her male attention-givers at that point. A few weeks after blowing me off, she had sex with someone else and announced it in a group text where she knew I would read it, which shattered me. What hurt was not just the fact that she had moved on, but the mat she didn’t care if I knew. Months later, I found out that it was with one of her friendzoned orbiters, another co-worker who at one point had been no threat to me, and never would have been if I hadn’t fvcked up so bad.
Just as all this was unfolding, our work site closed down. I got laid off, and she got transferred to the company’s other office a short distance away. I quickly got another job, and a good one, but far away and with a horrible commute.
Over the ensuing months after we were separated by the site closure, I experienced what I can only describe as the worst pain known to man. The emotions were indescribable. I went complete blackout and cut all forms of contact, including social media connections. I decided I’d rather be dead to her than a platonic friend who listens to her talk about ****ing other guys.
I would be eligible for rehire at the other office six months after getting laid off, and plotted to reappear there in February in the hope of impressing her with an improved version of myself. I wouldn’t be creepy and try to flirt with her. I would accept her rejection, mind my own business, do my job, and work my ass off. If she tried to reconnect with me, which she likely would at some point, I would tell her I wasn’t interested in being just friends and that she could reach out if she changed her mind. Other than that it would be a strictly professional relationship. At first I hoped I could re-attract her, and that by fixing my previous mistakes I could sleep with her, but over time I decided to assume that this was unrealistic and that I could only hope to regain her respect and my dignity by handling myself around her… but maybe, just maybe, I could make her see me like she used to, and something would happen.
Over the winter as my six month exile neared its end, I started second-guessing the wisdom of returning. The choice of the two jobs posed a difficult trade-off. There was a legitimate argument to return to my old company, but I knew the real reason I wanted to go there was to be around her again, and I repeatedly told myself that this was a terrible reason and that acting on it would only make my life even worse than it already is.
The six month mark passed, and I didn’t go back. I continued weighting the two options, but could never pull the trigger to make the leap even though I desperately wanted to see her again.
In May, nine months since I’d last seen her, she called me from the company’s recruiting office. She was very friendly and it wasn’t weird or awkward talking to her at all, as I imagined it would be. She asked if I was interested in coming back. I told her I was thinking about it. Mostly we talked about work, but she did make a reference to our relationship last year, said “you deleted me on Facebook, that’s kinda mean,” and “you never call or text.” I don’t know why she would act like I’m the one who blew her off. It’s not like she would ever reach out if not on a work call.
Another six weeks or so passed and I continued trying to justify the move, but knew I wouldn’t even be thinking about it if not for her presence there. One day in June, I called the recruiting office to ask a question, and learned that she is no longer with the company.
So that’s it. I’ll never see her again. That job was my only hope of reconnecting with her, and certainly my only hope of re-attracting her, and now she’s gone. I have no idea why she left or what she’s doing now. I’m tempted to text her and ask, but I won’t. She was the one who rejected me, and I don’t want to be friends, so I can’t contact her. The burden of reaching out is on her, and I know I’ll never hear from her again.
Now I regret not going back when I had the chance. Even a few months with her would have meant everything to me just so I could have walked out of her life on my feet. But I can’t imagine doing that job and being there without her. Using the systems she taught me to use, and the skills I worked hard to master just to impress her. She was that place to me. I saw everything and everyone there in terms of their connections to her. It all falls apart and becomes meaningless without her there regardless of the advantages of the job over my current one. Everything there would remind me of her. I can’t stand the thought of being there without her.
On second thought, she seems like a skank. Slept with someone and told you all about it. Why exactly do you want her again? Stop making excuses for her behavior. This girl will do a number on you. She already is. You're blaming yourself for things that she did. None of this is indicative of a healthy start in any way. Run man. Don't look back.
You have a poor attitude. You can sit around like a jerkoff feeling sorry for yourself or you can contact her.
And nobody is suggesting using friendship as a backdoor to sex. But your only chance of ever getting back together with her is by getting back in touch with her and getting back in her life. And the longer you stay out of touch with her, the worse your chances will be.
I thought this sounded familiar. Wow. Still not over her, eh?
I wish you luck and I hope some random beauty flirts with you--sincerely--in the aisle where the Wheat Thins are the next time you shop. That's right, hang out near the Wheat Thins, magic will happen.
*attempts a high-five which OP completely ignores*
I’m not chasing anything and have not contacted her in 10 months.
Do yourself a favor, and keep it that way.
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