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Old 07-15-2019, 07:20 PM
 
1,319 posts, read 383,176 times
Reputation: 2496

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I would cut off all contact -- rip the bandage off. He should be devoting time and energy to girlfriend and you to a new life. You are maintaining your marital relationship psychologically and need time and space to get beyond that. When my ex-husband and I separated and he saw me on a date, he threw a fit even though he initiated the separation, physically moved out and was actively dating. In his mind, I was still his wife. I had to initiate the divorce as he couldn't make the psychological break. Block him from facebook; by his posting he is keeping tabs on you and making you aware of his presence. Yes, it will hurt like hell but get your mind on other things -- plan a trip somewhere, do something new and novel. You need to get out of the head space of being his wife and he needs to realize he made a choice that has life altering consequences. He does not get to maintain status quo.

Good Luck!
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Old 07-16-2019, 01:23 AM
 
2,992 posts, read 4,363,746 times
Reputation: 2375
You do not seem to understand that he is with another woman and not you. He left you for her. If you're into the sharing your man thing then cool but, my advice would be to just move on and find a new guy.
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Old 07-16-2019, 05:15 AM
 
12,551 posts, read 14,050,311 times
Reputation: 14925
Quote:
Originally Posted by beckycat View Post
I will say it has nothing to do with joint investments. We sold the house and split the proceeds. The little debt we had was paid off. "He’s living with a woman, effing her regularly, and keeping you on a string with no clear resolution". This is true though.
I have to agree he is getting the best of both worlds.

He doesn’t want a sit down because he knows it’s the end. End of you in his life. Like the ‘talk.’ He is avoiding ‘the talk’ because it’s putting the cards on the table. Ending the ‘thing’ you have allowed for a year and a half.

Apparently, it’s time to follow the advice about being short with replies and file. It’s time.

Certify a letter and cut the ropes. If he is screwing another gal but contacting you then end it. He’s made his choices.

Time to make yours!
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Old 07-16-2019, 07:38 AM
 
3,032 posts, read 1,157,454 times
Reputation: 7975
Another thought: what are the chances that the live-in GF will pressure him to get married if he gets a divorce? That may be why he's dragging his feet. Not the OP's problem, though.
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Old 07-16-2019, 08:13 AM
 
Location: Asheville, NC
12,008 posts, read 27,463,803 times
Reputation: 4754
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post
I have to agree he is getting the best of both worlds.

He doesn’t want a sit down because he knows it’s the end. End of you in his life. Like the ‘talk.’ He is avoiding ‘the talk’ because it’s putting the cards on the table. Ending the ‘thing’ you have allowed for a year and a half.

Apparently, it’s time to follow the advice about being short with replies and file. It’s time.

Certify a letter and cut the ropes. If he is screwing another gal but contacting you then end it. He’s made his choices.

Time to make yours!
I have a feeling he knows what's coming with the talk as well and that's a big part of why he's trying to avoid it. I have hinted so I am sure he has a feeling it's coming.
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Old 07-16-2019, 08:14 AM
 
Location: Asheville, NC
12,008 posts, read 27,463,803 times
Reputation: 4754
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay100 View Post
You do not seem to understand that he is with another woman and not you. He left you for her. If you're into the sharing your man thing then cool but, my advice would be to just move on and find a new guy.
Heck no!
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Old 07-16-2019, 09:15 AM
 
8,291 posts, read 3,025,947 times
Reputation: 19026
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112 View Post
His intentions for you? I don't think you need to know or should care. Ask if you want. If you get a flaky answer you need to stop being friends with him so YOU can move on and have a boyfriend of your own.

Yeah...this basically.


There needs to be clear and understood boundaries, and the friendship operates within the parameters of the boundaries.


I think, if it were me, I'D go ahead and file for divorce (even though it seems like the separation was his idea?) You gotta make a move, if he's not going to. With the way things are now, you can't move forward, and you're kind of at his beck and call.


I think it's great if you two can remain friends...but he's keeping you on a hook right now, and it's driving you crazy.
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Old 07-16-2019, 10:00 AM
 
87 posts, read 27,937 times
Reputation: 105
Quote:
Originally Posted by beckycat View Post
Heck no!
Hello


I actually agree with Funnyman's earlier post about you 2 getting back together. Because what the situation sounds like, imo, is that BOTH of you still have feelings for eachother. Which is understandable and its not wrong or foolish. You've had more time together than apart. You've been together almost 30 years and that's a very long time esp. if you have been with this man since you were a teen or an adult. You have children together and he is the father of them all, i assume, as you are the mother of his all. Despite what you are trying to say about not wanting to get back together as I read your comments you aren't 100% with that. Just like he totally isn't.
It seems since he cut away from you he "tried" to get rid of his feelings for you by meeting someone else. When that didn't work he then moved her in. But since now that didn't work he seems to kind of be conceding himself in a way that he still really does have feelings for you. He is avoiding "the talk" with you because really he regrets choosing to be apart from you and because he still actually wants you he is afraid you really will want to cut ties with him and he will be too hurt for that. Pride, ego, maybe a "you were right" kind of situation is something that is holding him back from talking to you.
Both of you still have something for eachother and it looks like being apart helped show that. However he has to be very honest with you so that he can stop stringing that woman along as well as you and you have to be real with him too in your feelings for him.
This is YOUR marriage and he is YOUR husband, despite what most others are saying on this board. If both of you decide to rekindle your marriage fully you are not a fool/stupid for doing so because it is your business and you made a vow before eachother, the law, other people and God. Everyone doesn't understand or know the inside and out of you and his relationship, let alone the real indepth history you have with him and we don't need to. We weren't there, even as sideline fam and friends.


Hopefully things work out very well for you guys.
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Old 07-16-2019, 10:17 AM
 
1,752 posts, read 3,686,174 times
Reputation: 1402
Hmmm, tough call.

Why did you get divorced?
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Old 07-16-2019, 10:37 AM
 
8,291 posts, read 3,025,947 times
Reputation: 19026
Quote:
Originally Posted by recuerdeme View Post
Hmmm, tough call.

Why did you get divorced?

They're not divorced. Just separated.


OP, are you dating? I can understand if you're not...especially if your feelings are still all mixed up, and still being married.


If he is unwilling to file...could you? I would HATE being in the kind of limbo that you're in. I couldn't do it.
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