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Old 07-13-2019, 10:02 PM
 
1,203 posts, read 357,170 times
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If I am sick, I want to be left alone.

If OP tends to be obsessed with his health she may have just thought he was being a hypocondriac again. If he never complains of health issues it seems she could have popped into check on him before continuing on with her plans. Seriously, unless he needed to go to a doctor, what was she supposed to do for him?
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Old 07-13-2019, 10:02 PM
 
Location: NW Indiana
40,230 posts, read 15,193,064 times
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OP, I'm with those who say you seem needy. If I'm feeling sick, the last thing I want is someone else around. Why do you feel it was necessary for your girlfriend to stop in and hang with you when you were sick? Perhaps she could have shown a little more concern and checked in on you via phone, but I don't feel she should have had to change her fun plans with friends to return home and sit with you.

If you feel she neglects you, then it doesn't appear she's the right person for you. Perhaps it's time to move on.

.
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Old 07-13-2019, 10:06 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,701 posts, read 19,992,457 times
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Read his past posts, besides every thread saying they have been dating / know each other having a different time period, it is more than obvious they should break up.

It is also more than obvious that he won't and continue to complain about her.
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Old 07-13-2019, 10:07 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,366 posts, read 41,900,880 times
Reputation: 83316
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Read his past posts, besides every thread saying they have been dating / know each other having a different time period, it is more than obvious they should break up.

It is also more than obvious that he won't and continue to complain about her.
Yep.
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Old 07-13-2019, 10:12 PM
 
4,797 posts, read 1,445,323 times
Reputation: 6592
Quote:
Originally Posted by riffle View Post
OP: If you hadn't gotten sick, is going to this porch fest with your gf and her friends something you would have enjoyed?
I think riffle hit the nail on the head. It seems like he wasn't interested in the porchfest.
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Old 07-13-2019, 10:14 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,060 posts, read 17,376,569 times
Reputation: 41514
Quote:
Originally Posted by leboss12345 View Post
(snip).

These types of events happen a lot and she makes me feel crazy when I tell her that it bothers me. I haven't told her about today cause she'll just make feel crazy.

It is possible that you have two different sets of expectations when you are ill.
I remember a female friend of mine that got sick (mild upset stomach) shortly after they married. They were visiting his parents and everyone just left her alone to sleep and get better. Her husband checked on her every couple of hours. My friend told me that she felt ignored and neglected and was pretty angry with her husband and his parents.

Later she and her husband discussed it and they discovered that when he was growing up he & his family just wanted to be left alone when they were sick. My friend was used to having her parents hover over her constantly when she was sick. They would fluff her pillows, bring her things, read/sing to her, hold her hair while she was throwing up, etc. etc. (even when she was in her teens and twenties).

They just had different expectations.
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Old 07-13-2019, 10:15 PM
 
26,131 posts, read 28,521,132 times
Reputation: 24844
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
People who are being neglected become more needy. Maybe he wouldn't be needy if he had a girlfriend who acted like she cared? I'm just speculating.
A valid point.

I'm undecided on this one, but I'm leaning toward the idea that this relationship has gone south.
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Old 07-13-2019, 10:19 PM
 
26,131 posts, read 28,521,132 times
Reputation: 24844
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post

It is possible that you have two different sets of expectations when you are ill.
I remember a female friend of mine that got sick (mild upset stomach) shortly after they married. They were visiting his parents and everyone just left her alone to sleep and get better. Her husband checked on her every couple of hours. My friend told me that she felt ignored and neglected and was pretty angry with her husband and his parents.

Later she and her husband discussed it and they discovered that when he was growing up he & his family just wanted to be left alone when they were sick. My friend was used to having her parents hover over her constantly when she was sick. They would fluff her pillows, bring her things, read/sing to her, hold her hair while she was throwing up, etc. etc. (even when she was in her teens and twenties).

They just had different expectations.
If you read the other linked thread, I think they have conflicting expectations about a lot of things. He says he isn't religious, but still does 30 days of fasting during Ramadan.
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Old 07-13-2019, 10:59 PM
Status: "Mr. C's ❤️" (set 4 days ago)
 
Location: Pacific Northwest
1,541 posts, read 694,581 times
Reputation: 3115
There's a happy medium here between not giving a crap and needing to holding his hand through his illness.

She could've easily stopped by to see how he was doing since she was STILL in the neighborhood. It would've taken only a few minutes without disrupting her plans, AND it would've shown she cared a bit about him.

If a porchfest is more important than taking a moment to check-in and inquire about the health of your SO, then you're with the wrong person. IMHO.
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Old 07-13-2019, 11:38 PM
 
11 posts, read 3,108 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger View Post
If you read the other linked thread, I think they have conflicting expectations about a lot of things. He says he isn't religious, but still does 30 days of fasting during Ramadan.
I don't understand the complication you have about this. I dislike it when people tell me what I am or what I am not. It is my choice. I shared that with everyone because it was relevant to the issue I was having. I do Ramadan and I am not religious. That is a choice. You can't understand it. I have been raised differently and I have a different culture. I love doing it because it something I share with my family and it brings me so much joy. I actually fast even when its not ramadan. It helps me appreciate what I have and it also helps me understand the hunger and the thirst other people in the world are feeling. I am not doing it because I fear god or because my religion tells me to. I hope this makes it clear, because it tends to come up every time.


When it comes to the main issue. I am not blaming her for anything. I did want to go to the porch fest. I actually wanted to hang out with her and her friends. It was really fun until I got sick. I don't expect her to stay with me, pet my hair and make me soup. If she suddenly started uncontrollably throwing up out of nowhere, I would want to make sure that she is ok and I would go about with my day. Perhaps its needy of me to want that. to be clear, I never wanted her to drop everything and come to my rescue. Since, she literally walked by her place ( where I was at the time throwing up), it would've been easy to just come up and see how I was doing. If she was still at the porch fest, obviously I wouldn't expect her to come all the way.

It is very easy to judge and say that I should have my mom on speed dial and all the judgmental comments that I've read. I reached out to everyone because I wanted unbiased opinions. I don't expect you guys to agree with me. But I also don't expect people to just throw in a comment without explaining where it comes from. I am open to any kind of advice. Thank you to everyone who share their opinion and explained it. It's just an emotional time for me and I appreciate the support (even when it's criticism). Maybe you guys are right. I should break up with her. I'm just keep complaining while nothing is changing. It's just very hard for me to come to terms with breaking up with her. She's the only thing close to family that I have in the U.S. I love so many things about her but I guess I dislike a lot of things too and I have to come to terms with it. its gonna be very hard to do it, its just so hard. any advice on how to handle a break up like this? I think it's time to do it but I don't know how.
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