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Old 07-14-2019, 06:17 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
9,884 posts, read 20,172,681 times
Reputation: 12422

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Based on your other posts, I believe your girlfriend is self-absorbed and not very interested in how you feel.

You may or may not be needy. Doesn’t matter. She is not a good match for you. You need to find a more nurturing, empathetic woman.

There are all kinds of people out there. Just because you’ve dated for two years, doesn’t make her the one who is best suited to be your life partner.
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Old 07-14-2019, 06:28 AM
 
12,344 posts, read 13,585,702 times
Reputation: 14342
Itís onvious she drugged you.

Begging you to come then bam!
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Old 07-14-2019, 07:51 AM
 
1,077 posts, read 648,068 times
Reputation: 2272
OP do you have self-injury issues that need to be addressed by a doctor?
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Old 07-14-2019, 07:52 AM
 
57 posts, read 412,038 times
Reputation: 45
I choose friends today who are sober and sincere. We love each other and are thoughtful. Maybe you'll grow into it.
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Old 07-14-2019, 08:23 AM
 
Location: Central IL
15,253 posts, read 8,543,297 times
Reputation: 35677
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger View Post
Mmm, I don't know. I think I'd tend to just want to be left alone, anyway. It would really depend on whether it was an isolated incident or part of a pattern of behavior. It does look like it's part of a pattern of neglect on her part. But I also wonder if our OP is a bit needy.
YOU would want to be left alone but OP would NOT. After 2 years I'd think a couple would have some experience with each other about how they handle being sick. Perhaps OP didn't indicate strongly enough that he actually threw up and was still feeling bad, not just tired or whatever. Still, it'd have been easy for his gf to drop by (her own place!) on her way to the next house of the "porch party". BTW, never heard of such of thing as a porch party - sounds like an old fashioned progressive dinner but I guess just drinks and apps?
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Old 07-14-2019, 08:37 AM
 
4,797 posts, read 1,445,323 times
Reputation: 6592
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
YOU would want to be left alone but OP would NOT. After 2 years I'd think a couple would have some experience with each other about how they handle being sick. Perhaps OP didn't indicate strongly enough that he actually threw up and was still feeling bad, not just tired or whatever. Still, it'd have been easy for his gf to drop by (her own place!) on her way to the next house of the "porch party". BTW, never heard of such of thing as a porch party - sounds like an old fashioned progressive dinner but I guess just drinks and apps?
It's a porchfest.

https://www.porchfestquincy.org/

"PorchFests are FREE annual music events held across the United States and in Canada on front porches. Started in Ithaca, New York in 2007, PorchFest events bring local musicians and neighborhoods together to celebrate and build community."

"PorchFest music festivals began as a means for neighbors and local community members to highlight their music on front porches. Bands, singers, and instrumentalists participate in the festival for no other reason than to showcase their talents and engage the community. Music is diverse and can range from country to pop, classical, reggae, blues, rock, jazz, Latino, R&B, and many others. Musicians voluntarily take to the "stage" on porches at their designated times and perform for the public."
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Old 07-14-2019, 08:48 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,366 posts, read 41,900,880 times
Reputation: 83316
This:

Quote:
Originally Posted by leboss12345 View Post

It's just very hard for me to come to terms with breaking up with her. She's the only thing close to family that I have in the U.S.
... is your biggest obstacle.

It's a shame that she is your only source of emotional support. It's not so much that you are SOOO in love with her as that you are afraid to be unable to depend on her. You're right, it's actually past time that you broke up with her. You two just aren't a match. And that's how you can approach it.

Start by telling her that you know things haven't been great lately and you've made a hard decision to end the relationship. You can say that you know there are some really great things that you will miss but that overall you feel like you two just aren't a match and that it's time to move on.

Make it brief and direct and then get out as soon as you feel like it's appropriate. Don't let yourself get pulled into yet another hours-long conversation about who did or doesn't do what and who's sorry and what will change. Because you've been there before, and nothing has changed.

After that you need to actively work to stay busy and to find new groups to involve yourself in that will connect you besides her. Look into the student counseling center at your school if you have to. This is a very challenging time in life, and there's no shame in getting some help to get perspective on how you're dealing with stuff.

Then thank your lucky stars that you two don't live together.
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Old Today, 07:04 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,079 posts, read 8,374,618 times
Reputation: 11565
OP, you're not crazy. She didn't have to stop hanging out with her friends. She just had to take 5 minutes to stop by her own place which was on her way and pop her head in and check on you to show that she cares about you. That's it. As to your other post - she could have sat and hung out with you and watched a movie or whatever. Just because you couldn't go out drinking and eating she didn't want to hang out with you? Being in a relationship is about being supportive about things that are important to the other person even if they aren't important to you. And I definitely wouldn't be cool with her texting with other guys. Even if it's 100% innocent it isn't being respectful to you or to your relationship.



Breaking up is hard and I don't know if you guys can go back to being friends since that's what you were before? It sounds like as a romantic partner she just isn't on the same page with being thoughtful and empathetic.
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Old Today, 09:39 AM
 
1,655 posts, read 3,606,537 times
Reputation: 1264
Quote:
Originally Posted by leboss12345 View Post
my girlfriend asked me if i wanted to go to a porch fest with her and her friends. I had plans but she said she really wants to hang out with me so I said yes. We met up at her place around 11am, her friends came over. we had food and drinks. We then left to walk around her neighborhood to watch people play music. I started feeling really bad ( wasn't because of alcohol, didn't have a single drink). We were close to her place, so I told her i was going to walk back to her place cause I needed to use the bathroom. I threw up, and was feeling terrible. I texted her about it and she said ' let me know if you feel better, i'll let you know where we are'. I wasn't gonna go out again so i told her I'm staying at her place. 4 hours pass, and I'm just laying down in pain. She then texts me and told me that she is at her friend's place. Just fyi, her friends place is very close to her place. She had to walk past her place to get to his place. She didn't even consider just checking on me and then going to her friend's place. I got mad but didn't say anything because I want her to have fun. then I got an uber to my place. She is still at her friend's place right now, and she texted me saying, hope you feel better, thats it.

Is it selfish of me to want her to at least check up on me? She is already planning to hang out with the same group of friends tomorrow. And she knows i can't go tomorrow. So if she is already gonna hang out with them tomorrow, why not come hang out with me? Is it crazy of me? I feel like i'm being illogical.

These types of events happen a lot and she makes me feel crazy when I tell her that it bothers me. I haven't told her about today cause she'll just make feel crazy.
Maybe she didn't know how sick you were. But it is still pretty crappy to not tend to your SO when he/she is feeling down. There is a lack a maturity from both of you guys, and I include you because your emotional maturity seems to be stunted. You seem more high schoolers than graduate students... also this seems like lesbian drama.
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Old Today, 07:15 PM
 
Location: Austin TX
3 posts, read 139 times
Reputation: 10
I don't think it's selfish to want to have the one person you're suppose to have by your side in times of need, actually be by your side when you're needing them. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now and anytime one of us is feeling ****ty be it stomach issues or just not liking the vibe, we will always find some excuse to leave what we're doing (not drop everything and bolt though) and go spend some chill time together and try and be of comfort. It's part of bonding with your partner in a relationship and good friends will understand that you guys need some time with each other.
It's not hard to come up with a reason to leave your friends, especially if it's concerning your significant other being in some sort of distress. She sounds like her priorities are messed up and your not above her 'fun'.

I'd be skeptical of the legitimacy of her commitment to you. You should speak to her about your concerns and what your expecting from her and the relationship. If she's not willing to make any adjustments to fit that, than I'd reconsider the relationship and where you want it to go. Not all people are ready to deliver commitment and many of them have a hard time adjusting from the 'single let's party pringle' life, to ' I have someone else I have to actually have to have concern for ' mindset.
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