U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old Today, 03:42 PM
 
8 posts
Reputation: 10

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
Assuming you're not going to be the primary caregiver, I don't think it would require as much dedication as you think.
Sure but it would still require a lot more than I can manage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
Interested to know why you think you'll be no good to a child. If she goes ahead with this pregnancy and you choose to be involved maybe you will grow in ways you didn't expect and be a good dad.
Some people are just born to have children and be great role models (like my mother for example). I don't have the patience. Don't know how my temper would handle a child.

 
Old Today, 03:44 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,289 posts, read 41,861,706 times
Reputation: 83169
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoshamTR View Post
Sure but it would still require a lot more than I can manage.



Some people are just born to have children and be great role models (like my mother for example). I don't have the patience. Don't know how my temper would handle a child.
Again, get an attorney, and forfeit your parental rights.

You're right. You shouldn't be a father.
 
Old Today, 03:48 PM
 
817 posts, read 213,694 times
Reputation: 1360
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
OP, you asked, "Why?" There can be a number of reasons. Religious conviction, feeling a bond with the zygote/fetus, emotional issues. If she's able to schedule the procedure soon after finding out, assuming she found out within the first month or so, it's pretty easy. They don't even call it an "abortion". But it sounds like she doesn't want that. How's she going to support herself, while caring for an infant? Having a baby is no walk in the park, either.
Exactly. OP, at the moment you don't seem emotionally equipped to help her think through her decision. Perhaps you could suggest and pay for counseling so the practicalities as well as the emotional aspects can be considered so she can make a fully informed decision.
 
Old Today, 03:55 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,739 posts, read 70,579,935 times
Reputation: 76715
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maddie104 View Post
Exactly. OP, at the moment you don't seem emotionally equipped to help her think through her decision. Perhaps you could suggest and pay for counseling so the practicalities as well as the emotional aspects can be considered so she can make a fully informed decision.
Well said. I had the impression she was reacting emotionally to the idea, almost as if she were afraid of it, or else she's upset about the situation in general.

OP, has she seen a doctor yet? If not, encourage her to see a doctor. That's the first step that opens the door to the option of having an abortion. The sooner, the better. Once she's diagnosed by an MD, she could schedule a procedure, just to have the option available, while she gets some counseling about what's involved, pros and cons. She can always cancel.

But this needs to be presented to her in a caring manner, not in a stern, frustrated or angry manner. You'd need to soften up a bit, and approach the topic gently.
 
Old Today, 03:58 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 12 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,548 posts, read 3,660,304 times
Reputation: 19582
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
Since when do unwanted children get in the way of a manís career?

I hope you apologize to the mother and reevaluate the kind of role model you want to be. Plenty of men do a fantastic job, even if caught by surprise. My dad is one of them.
This.
 
Old Today, 04:02 PM
 
Location: California
4,556 posts, read 5,472,028 times
Reputation: 9613
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoshamTR View Post
Of course I cannot force her. But I hope I can get her to think rationally and see the full picture.
Wake up and smell the coffee.

You will be paying 18 years of child support, and I hope she gets her fair share.

Please, stay out of the babies life until you grow up.
 
Old Today, 04:03 PM
 
6,820 posts, read 3,867,159 times
Reputation: 15535
Maybe "your point of view" is just not as valid as "not killing a new human life".
 
Old Today, 04:10 PM
Lou
 
270 posts, read 109,534 times
Reputation: 391
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoshamTR View Post
I have been having a casual relationship with a woman for a while, mainly for the sex, since I don't really have the time for any other relationship activities. We might go out to dinner, to the movies, etc, on occasion.

Well, long sory short, she's pregnant and I was pretty furious when she told me. I have a bit of a hot temper and can be pretty crass when I'm in that state. She started crying and I got even more mad.

We've spoken again since then, I apologised but told her that she's surely aware that no good can come from that baby being born. My main focus is my career and nothing is getting in the way of that. I offered to pay for the abortion but she says it's easy for me to talk. That having an abortion is not like going for a coffee.

I mean, I understand that, but she must be able to understand my point of view as well, no? What can I do so that she gets that the an abortion is the only sensible choice?

P.S. I'm 34 and she's 27, if that matters.
I understand that you have big plans for your future, but it was ugly of you to flip out on her when you were a full participant in irresponsible intercourse. It would be awfully callous of you to assume that everybody sees abortion as an easy do-over.

Since this is a casual relationship, you should get a paternity test. Telling that you want that is of course delicate. Before you tell her that you want the test, you should probably speak with a lawyer who focuses on men's issues. Along with the legalities of establishing paternity, he might know of a diplomatic way for you to tell about that you want a test.

This isn't just about your life. Be respectful of that.
 
Old Today, 04:10 PM
 
57 posts, read 6,577 times
Reputation: 88
If you've got a temper you have trouble controlling maybe you need to have therapy or just forfeit your parental rights.

I grew up with an angry parent, it's not something I would wish on any child.
 
Old Today, 04:19 PM
 
817 posts, read 213,694 times
Reputation: 1360
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
Since when do unwanted children get in the way of a manís career?

I hope you apologize to the mother and reevaluate the kind of role model you want to be. Plenty of men do a fantastic job, even if caught by surprise. My dad is one of them.
Was your Dad married to or in a relationship your Mom? If so, I think it's an important factor. The OP was in a casual relationship with this woman mainly for sex. How well does he really know this woman in terms of raising a child with her? What if she has the child and then doesn't hold up her end of responsibility?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top