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Old Today, 11:52 AM
 
82 posts, read 10,485 times
Reputation: 133

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Quote:
Originally Posted by E123S View Post
& that, what you just said, is exactly how it happen. I just woke up one day and question my self how the hell did we get here? I have placed my amazon order on this book. I look forward to moving on with life. Although I dread the roller coaster of emotions their is to come. If you don't mind me asking did you have kids with your abuser? If so what did you tell them was the reason for leaving? My kids have no idea what has been going on. I have lied often saying I hit my self of I got hurt at work...
I did not have kids with my abuser, thankfully and the relationship only lasted 2 years but it was torture to leave and I went back multiple times and hated myself for it every time. I'm still working through the emotional damage that the relationship caused and learning to trust again.

Your children might well already have some idea of what is going on on some level, even if they can't put words to it, they probably already know that their dad isn't nice to their mom.

You probably already thought of this, but make sure he doesn't see the book lying around. It's clearly about abusive men.
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Old Today, 11:55 AM
 
2,061 posts, read 867,424 times
Reputation: 5070
Stop lying to yourself. The truth is you would rather be with him than be alone. It's a simple choice, and only you can make it.
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Old Today, 11:57 AM
 
82 posts, read 10,485 times
Reputation: 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobspez View Post
Stop lying to yourself. The truth is you would rather be with him than be alone.
Unhelpful comment from someone who clearly doesn't know what they're talking about.
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Old Today, 12:02 PM
 
604 posts, read 206,120 times
Reputation: 1827
Quote:
Originally Posted by carly1983 View Post
unhelpful comment from someone who clearly doesn't know what they're talking about.
+1
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Old Today, 12:11 PM
 
6 posts
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobspez View Post
Stop lying to yourself. The truth is you would rather be with him than be alone. It's a simple choice, and only you can make it.
Have you ever been told no one will want you because you're the one that has to carry your 4 kids around so often that you believe it? Have you ever wanted a family so bad you hold on even through all the bad **** hoping it will get better? If you haven't been in my place or haven't had a loved one in it you don't need to be rude. I am asking for help I want to get better I feel like something is seriously wrong with me... You have no idea how hard it really is...
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Old Today, 12:27 PM
 
8,017 posts, read 5,998,365 times
Reputation: 5667
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
The more information and knowledge you have of how abusive people operate and how these relationships can affect you on so many levels, the less crazy you feel, and the stronger you become.

Knowledge is power

Good luck OP!
This is very important.
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Old Today, 12:35 PM
 
8,017 posts, read 5,998,365 times
Reputation: 5667
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobspez View Post
Stop lying to yourself. The truth is you would rather be with him than be alone. It's a simple choice, and only you can make it.
Not a helpful comment... I won't deny that there are cases like that, but I don't think this helped.
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Old Today, 12:46 PM
 
82 posts, read 10,485 times
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If a victim of domestic abuse fears being or living alone, it's often because their abuser has told them they would be useless at it, and that they will never find anyone to love them again.

So they may fear being alone in that sense. But it's an illusion, like most of the other illusions & lies an abuser will lay on their victim.
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Old Today, 12:56 PM
 
8,017 posts, read 5,998,365 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
If a victim of domestic abuse fears being or living alone, it's often because their abuser has told them they would be useless at it, and that they will never find anyone to love them again.

So they may fear being alone in that sense. But it's an illusion, like most of the other illusions & lies an abuser will lay on their victim.
As someone who was raised in a domestic abuse situation, I believe being alone can be one of the best things to happen.

But the sad thing is that being alone would be the least of the domestic abuse victim's concerns. If the victim manages to get out of that abusive situation, the abuser is likely to "hunt" her. Often times, getting out is only the beginning of the nightmare depending on the abuser.
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Old Today, 01:00 PM
 
82 posts, read 10,485 times
Reputation: 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
As someone who was raised in a domestic abuse situation, I believe being alone can be one of the best things to happen.

But the sad thing is that being alone would be the least of the domestic abuse victim's concerns. If the victim manages to get out of that abusive situation, the abuser is likely to "hunt" her. Often times, getting out is only the beginning of the nightmare depending on the abuser.
Luckily my abuser left me alone after I left.

Sometimes it does take a while to get your ducks in a row and find somewhere safe to go to. I think that Lundy Bancroft covers all of the practicalities in his book, if I remember rightly.
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