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Old 07-16-2019, 12:25 PM
 
5 posts, read 2,021 times
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I ddint see for sure how the intereaction was
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Old 07-16-2019, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
46,186 posts, read 44,551,962 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cat11 View Post
I ddint see for sure how the intereaction was
Sounds like this could be more about your feelings of inadequacy in comparison to this other girl and not about your boyfriend's dishonesty.

Has he given you any other reason to be jealous??
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Old 07-16-2019, 12:58 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
80,962 posts, read 74,018,543 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cat11 View Post
I have an unpleasent experience with my boyfriend last weekend. I caught him at the tennis club playing mixed doubles with a girl I have always been jealous about. I am suspicious about them. I couldnt contol myself, I gave him an angry look and after the match I was at the bar and he came to me and tried to explain himself, I said oh you have found a good partner to play! he told me our relationship was more important than the stupid match and bla bla bla. I tried not to focus on her and told him I was angry because he didnt call me to play this match with him. |We saw each other the next day and he apologized again and said lets not talk about this today and so on. The rest of the day was usual.

But I am still suspicious and I am thinking about breaking up. During the conversation he asked it we were going to see each other on sunday, I had the impression he wanted me to break up.
OP, this sounds like an overreaction stemming from your jealousy. He most likely asked you if you two were still going to get together on Sunday, because he knew you were angry, and didn't know what the implications were; he didn't know if it meant a previously-set date would be canceled, or what. Maybe the mixed doubles partnering occurred spontaneously at the club that day. I wouldn't go overboard just yet. Try to calm down, and give him the benefit of the doubt, for now. Has he ever given you reason to suspect him of anything, prior to this? If not, relax.
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Old 07-16-2019, 01:19 PM
 
3,536 posts, read 1,886,466 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cat11 View Post
I have always noticed some spark between them. I also play tennis so I asked why would he call her to play this match if I could have played. He told me the other double called him and they played much better than us.... something really fishy and vague, no excuse for this
That sounds completely plausible to me in terms of how it went down (as a tennis player myself).

However, if he really is your b/f, it would have been courteous of him to let you know beforehand of his plans to play with her. Just a “hey Bob and Stacy asked me and Alison Smith to play this afternoon. Want to meet me at the club afterwards for a bite?” would have been nice.

But overall I don’t see an issue unless there’s more to the story.
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Old 07-16-2019, 01:20 PM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
9,173 posts, read 14,116,709 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cat11 View Post
maybe I need more evidence
Maybe you need to let it go and work on your self esteem. Do you WANT him to be guilty of something? From what you've told us, there is no reason to suspect he has any interest in her. You say you noticed a spark between them but gave no specifics, which means your perception could very well be off. And now you're even considering breaking up with him... why? Because you (possibly wrongly) perceived a spark between them even though you have no evidence of it? If you go looking for evidence of something that's not there, you're either going to destroy your relationship when he gets sick of not being trusted, or you'll create evidence in your mind to prove yourself right. Can you see how either way, you're only sabotaging your relationship? If that's not what you want, you need to stop this right now and work towards a healthier mindset. Therapy will help with low self esteem, and if you can't afford it, try some self help books.
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Old 07-16-2019, 01:26 PM
 
Location: Florida
20,751 posts, read 20,740,705 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cat11 View Post
. He told me the other double called him and they played much better than us.... something really fishy and vague, no excuse for this
Maybe you need to brush up on your tennis skills
The other couple that suggested this may have just wanted a more equally competitive match
If they can always beat you because you don't play well.....well.....
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Old 07-16-2019, 01:57 PM
 
8,757 posts, read 6,368,806 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cat11 View Post
I have an unpleasent experience with my boyfriend last weekend. I caught him at the tennis club playing mixed doubles with a girl I have always been jealous about. I am suspicious about them. I couldnt contol myself, I gave him an angry look and after the match I was at the bar and he came to me and tried to explain himself, I said oh you have found a good partner to play! he told me our relationship was more important than the stupid match and bla bla bla. I tried not to focus on her and told him I was angry because he didnt call me to play this match with him. |We saw each other the next day and he apologized again and said lets not talk about this today and so on. The rest of the day was usual.

But I am still suspicious and I am thinking about breaking up. During the conversation he asked it we were going to see each other on sunday, I had the impression he wanted me to break up.
It sounds like you are letting your jealousy of this other woman get the best of you. He said the match didn't matter. At the same time, he probably should've invited you to play with him in the game. But still, you admit that you are carrying feelings of jealousy. You are letting it control your actions.

Last edited by TJenkins602; 07-16-2019 at 02:06 PM..
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Old 07-16-2019, 02:00 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,925 posts, read 13,640,459 times
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We need more information to decide if OP is too needy and jealous ... or on to something.

Sometimes you can just feel when there is something going on between two people
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Old 07-16-2019, 02:02 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
46,186 posts, read 44,551,962 times
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Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
We need more information to decide if OP is too needy and jealous ... or on to something.

Sometimes you can just feel when there is something going on between two people
Yes.
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Old 07-16-2019, 02:23 PM
 
588 posts, read 237,119 times
Reputation: 838
Quote:
Originally Posted by cat11 View Post
I have an unpleasent experience with my boyfriend last weekend. I caught him at the tennis club playing mixed doubles with a girl I have always been jealous about. I am suspicious about them. I couldnt contol myself, I gave him an angry look and after the match I was at the bar and he came to me and tried to explain himself,
Where have you met her before besides the tennis? So you think she brings more to the table than yourself so you are afraid he will leave you for her.
Insecurities clouding your head space.
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