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Old 07-17-2019, 08:17 PM
 
29 posts, read 3,863 times
Reputation: 15

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Maybe there is just friendship...i bumped today at work in my guy playing in lunch break tennis with a girl.I get gelous at times ...its normal...Did he always have female friends ?
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Old 07-17-2019, 08:34 PM
 
5,218 posts, read 2,785,192 times
Reputation: 9592
Quote:
Originally Posted by cat11 View Post
I have an unpleasent experience with my boyfriend last weekend. I caught him at the tennis club playing mixed doubles with a girl I have always been jealous about. I am suspicious about them. I couldnt contol myself, I gave him an angry look and after the match I was at the bar and he came to me and tried to explain himself, I said oh you have found a good partner to play! he told me our relationship was more important than the stupid match and bla bla bla. I tried not to focus on her and told him I was angry because he didnt call me to play this match with him. |We saw each other the next day and he apologized again and said lets not talk about this today and so on. The rest of the day was usual.

But I am still suspicious and I am thinking about breaking up. During the conversation he asked it we were going to see each other on sunday, I had the impression he wanted me to break up.
Iím sorry but is this a joke or are we being punked? Mix doubles tennis, jealousy, country club, bar.. it all sounds like a caricature but maybe Iím wrong.
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Old Today, 07:11 AM
 
682 posts, read 436,604 times
Reputation: 590
Quote:
Originally Posted by cat11 View Post
I have an unpleasent experience with my boyfriend last weekend. I caught him at the tennis club playing mixed doubles with a girl I have always been jealous about. I am suspicious about them. I couldnt contol myself, I gave him an angry look and after the match I was at the bar and he came to me and tried to explain himself, I said oh you have found a good partner to play! he told me our relationship was more important than the stupid match and bla bla bla. I tried not to focus on her and told him I was angry because he didnt call me to play this match with him. |We saw each other the next day and he apologized again and said lets not talk about this today and so on. The rest of the day was usual.

But I am still suspicious and I am thinking about breaking up. During the conversation he asked it we were going to see each other on sunday, I had the impression he wanted me to break up.
"I said oh you have found a good partner to play!" - seems like you're passive aggressive and manipulative.

your insecurity and controlling nature is more likely to cause serious issues in your relationship than anything he's done. It's interesting how insecurities can drive a partner away, and end up being a self fulfilling prophecy, at least in your mind. "he's become so distant and upset, it must be because he's thinking of cheating!". Then on your next relationship, exact same thing. etc etc. Then you arrive at the conclusion that all men are cheating dogs!

If you desire openness and trust in your relationship, your reactions are promoting the exact opposite. Guys tend to be relatively simple. You're basically punishing him for something that he felt he did nothing wrong. So now, if any similar situations come up, he will try extra hard to hide them from you to avoid future over reactions and jealous rages from you. Also if he didn't mention this tennis thing to you beforehand, it's likely he's already "trained" to hide things he thinks you'll flip out over. I'm also sure you're the type that thinks it's perfectly acceptable if he isolates himself from any reasonably attractive female to satisfy your own insecure nature. Forcing him to do so is selfish and also abusive.

Last edited by rya96797; Today at 07:32 AM..
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Old Today, 07:21 AM
 
Location: Southern California
5,508 posts, read 8,173,028 times
Reputation: 5175
If you have these suspicious instincts/feelings about him & this situation, don't ignore them. Sounds strange to me too the way you're describing.

1) How long have you been dating?
2) Does he have female friends in general?
3) Were you not available or something to where he couldn't ask you to paly tennis w/ him?

I don't understand this situation either. If he's YOUR boyfriend, he shouldn't be playing w/ someone else. Be more alert & observant w/ his actions from now on so you can see what's going on...whether at the tennis club & ANYWHERE else.
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Old Today, 07:43 AM
 
41 posts, read 819 times
Reputation: 64
All guys are "interested" in other women - we've been programmed to be that way. What's hard is behaving contrary to our natural instincts. We're always going to be accused of faking it (meaning, we'll appear not to be interested in other women) because we ARE faking it.
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Old Today, 03:33 PM
 
48 posts, read 13,583 times
Reputation: 119
Quote:
Originally Posted by rya96797 View Post
"I said oh you have found a good partner to play!" - seems like you're passive aggressive and manipulative.

your insecurity and controlling nature is more likely to cause serious issues in your relationship than anything he's done. It's interesting how insecurities can drive a partner away, and end up being a self fulfilling prophecy, at least in your mind. "he's become so distant and upset, it must be because he's thinking of cheating!". Then on your next relationship, exact same thing. etc etc. Then you arrive at the conclusion that all men are cheating dogs!

If you desire openness and trust in your relationship, your reactions are promoting the exact opposite. Guys tend to be relatively simple. You're basically punishing him for something that he felt he did nothing wrong. So now, if any similar situations come up, he will try extra hard to hide them from you to avoid future over reactions and jealous rages from you. Also if he didn't mention this tennis thing to you beforehand, it's likely he's already "trained" to hide things he thinks you'll flip out over. I'm also sure you're the type that thinks it's perfectly acceptable if he isolates himself from any reasonably attractive female to satisfy your own insecure nature. Forcing him to do so is selfish and also abusive.
This. A thousand times this. I promise, you are making it all worse. He was probably doing nothing wrong, but he's sure as hell not going to tell you anything now. Look what happened? A tennis game and now he's got to deal with you getting all territorial. Geez...

"Oh you found a good partner..." This kind of passive aggressive stuff sounds exactly like my ex. She was happy to isolate me from all female friends, and since I work in a field that is somewhat dominated by females (education), that meant my social life mostly dried up. It got bad enough that I stared at the floor anywhere we went because if an attractive female found her way between me and something I was looking at (like bananas, no joke), I was accused of everything under the sun. At the end, I couldn't even talk to the 57 year old female landlord without "Oh I didn't want to interrupt your little conversation out there."

My ex was psycho. Don't be like her. Try something crazy and don't assume the worst of him. Maybe you'll be surprised, who knows?
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