U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-16-2019, 03:24 PM
 
7 posts, read 1,093 times
Reputation: 28

Advertisements

Ok, so I've seen a lot of advice lately about being the best person that you can be in order to improve your dating.

I just wanted to dive a little deeper into this concept because those who are at the beginning of their journey may not understand what we mean when we say this.

Starting hobbies, creating a nice environment at home, finding jobs that you enjoy going to each day, etc, these aren't for your date - they're for you.

This entire topic is about self-confidence.

By working on yourself you build the bank of experience that you can draw on for future social situations. People only spend time with those who they believe can give them something equal (or more) in return.

It's why celebrities are never going to be friends with fans. The fans take take take and can't give the celebrity anything of value.

It may seem harsh but it's the reality. Look at any long term social connection and you will see equality in many or all aspects.

Trying new things and becoming really good at a few things means you can give instead of receive.
Think of it as an aura that you emit. The more value, the brighter the glow and the more you attract people.

To get you started:
  • The Alabaster Girl - This is primarily for men but works for women too. Zan really appreciates dating and falling in love. At first it may seem like PUA but it really isn't, if anyone in the comments has read this book then please back me up on this one.
  • Improve your living conditions - You don't have to spend huge amounts but this article will help you out if you aren't sure how to design your living room in an inviting way. Personally, I feel improving your living conditions can help massively with self-confidence and with dating.
  • Find new things to do - I'm sure you've heard of Meetup before but check it out if you haven't. There will be tons of things to do in your area if you go out and look. I recently started yoga and swimming - neither of which mean I meet people but they make me feel better in myself.

  • Learn to cook - Find me someone who doesn't like people who can cook. You won't be able to because they don't exist. This video is hilarious but in general the channel is really good. Just give things a go.
They're just a few things to try for inspiration but you do you, just make sure you're always improving. Set yourself realistic goals and go and grab them.

Hit the comments up with your suggestions and experiences, I'm interested to hear them.

Last edited by Peter30; 07-16-2019 at 03:27 PM.. Reason: Formatting
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-16-2019, 03:31 PM
 
8,109 posts, read 6,033,549 times
Reputation: 5752
I used to look at relationships based on what I can get from it. Now I think of what I have to offer. I try to make myself into someone that I'd like to be around. In my experience, if I like something, there is a chance that at least one other person likes it too.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2019, 03:34 PM
 
7 posts, read 1,093 times
Reputation: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
I used to look at relationships based on what I can get from it. Now I think of what I have to offer. I try to make myself into someone that I'd like to be around. In my experience, if I like something, there is a chance that at least one other person likes it too.

Exactly, you need to be able to give the other person something positive emotionally. That's where learning new things and becoming interesting is important, someone who others want to be around because they want a piece of the action that we call Life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2019, 05:55 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 22 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,787 posts, read 3,720,395 times
Reputation: 19942
This is true. Too many people want someone else to give them an exciting life. They should be creating that for themselves.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2019, 06:13 PM
 
2,103 posts, read 880,374 times
Reputation: 5137
Be honest, be genuine, be friendly, be enthusiastic, be yourself, be well groomed and neatly dressed, be employed. That's all you need.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2019, 06:32 PM
 
1,220 posts, read 538,474 times
Reputation: 2438
You mean I HAVE to be someone other than the repellent, solitary slob I really am? That sounds too much like hard work.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2019, 06:39 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,238 posts, read 4,667,569 times
Reputation: 9307
Okay, Roger.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2019, 06:49 PM
 
8,109 posts, read 6,033,549 times
Reputation: 5752
Quote:
Originally Posted by scribbles76 View Post
You mean I HAVE to be someone other than the repellent, solitary slob I really am? That sounds too much like hard work.
Maybe you do. But I apparently don't.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2019, 06:52 PM
Status: "Fill the days." (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
10,715 posts, read 11,119,481 times
Reputation: 14143
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metaphysique View Post
Okay, Roger.
When did CD-R become a venue for aspiring life/relationship coaches to give their material a test run?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2019, 08:10 PM
 
727 posts, read 188,717 times
Reputation: 965
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
I used to look at relationships based on what I can get from it. Now I think of what I have to offer. I try to make myself into someone that I'd like to be around. In my experience, if I like something, there is a chance that at least one other person likes it too.

That's a very insightful post.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top