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Old 07-20-2019, 07:08 PM
 
13 posts, read 1,113 times
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I read each person with the same amount, however I do not always get the link (to my question). I cannot comment on this woman's whole life or attitude towards family, but can tell you this: I would GLADLY work til the day I die for the chance to have a child.What does not make sense to one does to another.



My original question(s) had to do with where to put an ad if you are past 40 and never started a family, and is it fair to call all men liars because they check the "wish for children" box.
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Old 07-20-2019, 07:26 PM
 
Location: Denver CO
21,215 posts, read 11,838,248 times
Reputation: 32243
Quote:
Originally Posted by SWFL_Native View Post
Adoption is a wonderful thing for people in your exact circumstance.
You should learn more about adoption, this post makes it clear you are woefully uninformed

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Yep, the woman that I was getting to know, 50 years old, has a 6 year old boy (via her 2nd marriage) and a 25 year old daughter (via her first). Of course, the 2nd, now ex-husband, wanted a kid as he never had one.

So you have a 25 year old big sister, and a 6 year old little brother. I would imagine that if they are seen together, that 100% of anyone that encounters her with her brother they'd think, "Aw, your son is so cute!" So imagine her having the awkwardness of having to correct people all the time.

Anyways, the mother is still funding her daughter's law school, so she has practically zeroed out her bank account with those funds , and now has a 6 year old? When he turns 16, she'll be 60. Legal adult, age 62. Then....she'll be working her arse off funding her kid's college.

So much for retirement, she'll be working herself into the grave.
This is not the normal scenario though, and most people who have kids in their 40s don't also have children in their 20s, esp. not ones where they pay for their graduate or professional degree.

I had my kid in my 40s, and when he was an infant and daycare was ridiculously expensive, I cut back on my retirement savings (although still contributed enough to get 100% of my company match) and then resumed a higher savings rate once he was a toddler and daycare costs when down a bit. Worst case scenario, he could take loans for college - that's not ideal but it's possible. You can't take out a loan for retirement.

Quote:
Originally Posted by waanaabe View Post
But they exist! in fact a lot of never married women were "dumped" because of infertility: so, capable of normal relationships but... I stated to want children at 31. I'm really not a dating app type. I don't know where to look where quick hookups aren't the standard deal. Do you know?
Try non-online resources. Are the actual dating services in your area, like "It's Just Lunch"? Those involve a much more serious time and financial commitment but the plus side is that the men you met have also made that level of commitment to meeting someone too.

And just put it out there in your social network that you are looking to meet someone and would be happy to be set up. You never know who knows someone.
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Old 07-20-2019, 07:27 PM
 
13 posts, read 1,113 times
Reputation: 13
I am glad for you. People need to belittle, it's how they feel solid in who they are/their choices. For example somebody jumped at a chance to doubt my credentials in psychology (not being good with meet sites is not a graduation criterion).
I'm double-glad that you can comment without being belittling yourself. Says a lot about you and, "old" or not, your kid is getting a good mom. I don't think the question was for me, but you ask where one was from: I'm from Canada, and I don't think the age to me a mother is all that different here. But a lot is different in way of infertility or adoption scenarios and how they're dealt with (not the place to discuss that, but US law offers advantages over the province where I am).


I see what you mean, women in their 20's and 40's having children at the same time. Noteworthy that a lot of younger women relinquish the child care to their moms; so what makes a mom "good" is obviously not age. Younger only makes pregnancy easier, not child-rearing! If it's not "old mom", then it's "single mom", "lesbian mom"... it's just not a world where just one kind of people are parents AND THERE IS NO GOING BACK. Once I get how this posting board works I hope to read more from you. W
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Old 07-20-2019, 07:41 PM
 
13 posts, read 1,113 times
Reputation: 13
I'm sad it hasn't worked for you. Me neither. I think (maybe still a little positive) hat a lot has to do with the apps/site themselves. Those that attract the most people are, by math logic, those that serve the lowest common denominator. In short, if you're a person that wants more, or has more to give than hookups are often left on the curb. You are worth it but the way things are presented doe not help you? It sure does not help me. Same woman, same pic: If I change the age, I go from a few to a TON of responses. I don't want THAT. I want an adult site for adults with OTHER CONCERNS just beauty and youth. ADULTS concerns. For some it's kids, for others, fear of dying alone, but very few want to hang out alone forever, and there should be, there MUST BE such places but I don't know them. Yet
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Old 07-20-2019, 07:56 PM
 
87 posts, read 30,459 times
Reputation: 160
I'm 47 and my son is 8. It's just he and I which is fine but its sad because "this is it." I do not want this to end. Ever.
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Old 07-20-2019, 07:59 PM
 
13 posts, read 1,113 times
Reputation: 13
Adoption is never a good idea for an orphan. But you could not know this. I specialize in this. If an adopted child should one day adopt, it has to be a particularly strong individual. I any case... assume the person in front of you thought of this (because it's obvious) and that the reason they DON'T raise adoption themselves is that something personal does not make it a good fit. Thanks for the idea I'm sure it was well meant
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Old 07-20-2019, 08:10 PM
 
13 posts, read 1,113 times
Reputation: 13
I'm so happy for you There is a max time to have a child; if there has to be a partner too, there is no max age there Now imagine trying to conceive, and your partner has the money but refuses to lend it to you (I'm a victim a medical malpractice, but in Canada, it's tough luck, litigation does not work often and had a cap $ on it, By lying over YEARS, the malpractice made me miss the age at which my eggs had to be frozen. ). I should leave him running, but there is SUCH a negative on being a single mom (in IVF procedures) that I stay with him just so I qualify as a "couple". I feel so stuck... not really free to meet like-minded men (and they would be rare so I'd have to meet many), and not knowing where to look! but I WANT TO BE A MOTHER SO BAD AND FOR SO LONG IT HURTS!!!
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Old 07-20-2019, 08:57 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,480 posts, read 42,009,843 times
Reputation: 83566
Quote:
Originally Posted by waanaabe View Post

I am glad for you. People need to belittle, it's how they feel solid in who they are/their choices. For example somebody jumped at a chance to doubt my credentials in psychology (not being good with meet sites is not a graduation criterion).
It was your communication skills that made me question it; had nothing to do with online dating.

I agree that in-person activities are your best bet. Getting involved in volunteering with like-minded people, taking classes, social activities with friends, etc.
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Old Yesterday, 01:19 AM
 
13 posts, read 1,113 times
Reputation: 13
About being a psychologist... understand that just like MD doctors, we are often specialists (especially the ones NOT in private practice: the ppl I deal with are addicts and street people; I don't get to think about "picket fences" and even more "normal" things often. So forgive my ignorance in where to meet like minded men. I would even like to meet women from outside the profession. "Meetups" and things of that nature have turned up very old ppl (idea wise) or very young ppl.*when based on common interests). I'm truly at a "social" loss.
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Old Yesterday, 01:29 AM
 
13 posts, read 1,113 times
Reputation: 13
Hi,


It's ok. And English is not my main language. And I try to keep it light. There's a world between the language levels of my patients, writing research reports, and the language used in chat rooms. I'm aware socializing isn't my Forte. Good evening
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