U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-22-2019, 04:10 PM
 
17 posts, read 2,865 times
Reputation: 23

Advertisements

That's the point I started with That's what people automatically think they do. I just wish they would NOT so that those who are honest can be told apart. I like to think there are some.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-22-2019, 04:18 PM
 
17 posts, read 2,865 times
Reputation: 23
Being in my 50s taking care of kids is the way... i wish! everything you said is totally true. I really don't see what getting older and "being free of children" has in store that is so good! I'm a realist, men don't care for older women (I still thank god I look younger then 40stgh)... But I have to get the man to have the child with- this is where my pb lies There must be guys under 55 without kids? but how to find them, if they either lie about wanting kids, or age. or whatever? people should just be honest!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-22-2019, 04:57 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 27 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,904 posts, read 3,757,706 times
Reputation: 20114
Quote:
Originally Posted by waanaabe View Post
Being in my 50s taking care of kids is the way... i wish! everything you said is totally true. I really don't see what getting older and "being free of children" has in store that is so good! (
I think growing older kinda sucks either way - with or without kids in the picture. But everyone grows old and then eventually dies.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-23-2019, 06:18 AM
 
Location: Middle America
36,786 posts, read 42,104,607 times
Reputation: 50772
Quote:
Originally Posted by SWFL_Native View Post
Adoption is a wonderful thing for people in your exact circumstance.
Let's talk about adoption, shall we, since people seem to think it's about as costly and labor intensive and emotionally charged as selecting kittens from a box at a card table set up outside a store...

A coworker of mine and his wife got the call last week, and are finally parents. Shortly before meeting their daughter, the wife posted about an exchange online, where a guy was questioning why couples waste so much time and money with fertility treatments when they could "just use those resources for the much easier, surer, less costly route of adoption."

Her response gave some valuable insight.

They saved and scraped together tens of thousands for fertility treatments, only to lose three pregnancies preterm. They then saved money for years for adoption and when the time came to adopt they still had to fundraise, because it was still over $10k more than the huge amount they'd already saved, not including the cost of early biological attempts. They were subject rounds of intrusive and costly home inspections, which they had to fund. They submitted to FBI back ground checks (again, additional fees), and medical clearances, and had to prove to case workers not only how much money they made but a detailed breakdown and accounting of where every penny went. They spent hours at adoption education (again, not free) learning about the trauma of parental separation, attachment disorders, etc. They had to be extremely vulnerable with a complete stranger, a birth mother going through her own trauma, more than once, who was herself making a horrifically difficult decision. When that birth mother changed her mind after giving birth, they had no legal rights or recourse. They also lost a percentage of the money they'd amassed when that attempt fell through in the 11th hour, because that's how the paperwork played out. They had gotten the call, driven from states away, etc. to learn that the birth mother had reconsidered, so they drove home with an empty carseat, to a nursery that wouldn't be used, gifts that wouldn't be given. All this, before a successful adoption.

It's not easy, it's not a sure thing, and it's not less costly. People need to give it a rest with the whole, "No kids? *snaps fingers* Just adopt! No problem! More people should do it!" thing. Really.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-23-2019, 06:26 AM
 
3,232 posts, read 1,695,647 times
Reputation: 8883
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Let's talk about adoption, shall we, since people seem to think it's about as costly and labor intensive and emotionally charged as selecting kittens from a box at a card table set up outside a store...

A coworker of mine and his wife got the call last week, and are finally parents. Shortly before meeting their daughter, the wife posted about an exchange online, where a guy was questioning why couples waste so much time and money with fertility treatments when they could "just use those resources for the much easier, surer, less costly route of adoption."

Her response gave some valuable insight.

They saved and scraped together tens of thousands for fertility treatments, only to lose three pregnancies preterm. They then saved money for years for adoption and when the time came to adopt they still had to fundraise, because it was still over $10k more than the huge amount they'd already saved, not including the cost of early biological attempts. They were subject rounds of intrusive and costly home inspections, which they had to fund. They submitted to FBI back ground checks (again, additional fees), and medical clearances, and had to prove to case workers not only how much money they made but a detailed breakdown and accounting of where every penny went. They spent hours at adoption education (again, not free) learning about the trauma of parental separation, attachment disorders, etc. They had to be extremely vulnerable with a complete stranger, a birth mother going through her own trauma, more than once, who was herself making a horrifically difficult decision. When that birth mother changed her mind after giving birth, they had no legal rights or recourse. They also lost a percentage of the money they'd amassed when that attempt fell through in the 11th hour, because that's how the paperwork played out. They had gotten the call, driven from states away, etc. to learn that the birth mother had reconsidered, so they drove home with an empty carseat, to a nursery that wouldn't be used, gifts that wouldn't be given. All this, before a successful adoption.

It's not easy, it's not a sure thing, and it's not less costly. People need to give it a rest with the whole, "No kids? *snaps fingers* Just adopt! No problem! More people should do it!" thing. Really.

For goodness sake, I don't think anyone said it was that easy. The OP said she was infertile. If that is the case, what alternative does she have besides adoption? Is a baby going to magically appear on her porch one morning? Plenty of people go through adoption even with all the expense and emotional hurdles. Couples also get pregnant only to lose baby after baby through miscarriage. And go through neonatal tests that are stressful to check for abnormalities. Pregnancy isn't a walk in the park.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-23-2019, 08:42 AM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 27 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,904 posts, read 3,757,706 times
Reputation: 20114
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Let's talk about adoption, shall we, since people seem to think it's about as costly and labor intensive and emotionally charged as selecting kittens from a box at a card table set up outside a store...
People who tell everyone to "just adopt" tend to be very judgmental and usually haven't adopted themselves. So naturally, they have no idea that it costs thousands of dollars and can involve wait times of 3 years or longer.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-23-2019, 10:11 AM
 
2,076 posts, read 570,511 times
Reputation: 1356
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
Very true! Hey, I grew up in South Florida and we didn't know any better. I have some damage on my arms and am diligent about sunblock. Have been for 25 years, but the damage is done. But these women are STILL tanning.
I do admit, if a woman is 55 and has somehow hit the genetic lottery whilst fooling 40-something men into thinking they are both around the same age, that's something that can catch my eye. lol I would be like, "You're 55? No way! You look my age!"

I'd sometimes get the "Awww, you're just a baby!" response. lol BUt some, will go for it. SOme of these ladies get sick of the vast percentage of beer-gutted mid-50s men that cannot keep up with them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-23-2019, 10:15 AM
 
8,586 posts, read 7,177,875 times
Reputation: 9041
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Let's talk about adoption, shall we, since people seem to think it's about as costly and labor intensive and emotionally charged as selecting kittens from a box at a card table set up outside a store...

A coworker of mine and his wife got the call last week, and are finally parents. Shortly before meeting their daughter, the wife posted about an exchange online, where a guy was questioning why couples waste so much time and money with fertility treatments when they could "just use those resources for the much easier, surer, less costly route of adoption."

Her response gave some valuable insight.

They saved and scraped together tens of thousands for fertility treatments, only to lose three pregnancies preterm. They then saved money for years for adoption and when the time came to adopt they still had to fundraise, because it was still over $10k more than the huge amount they'd already saved, not including the cost of early biological attempts. They were subject rounds of intrusive and costly home inspections, which they had to fund. They submitted to FBI back ground checks (again, additional fees), and medical clearances, and had to prove to case workers not only how much money they made but a detailed breakdown and accounting of where every penny went. They spent hours at adoption education (again, not free) learning about the trauma of parental separation, attachment disorders, etc. They had to be extremely vulnerable with a complete stranger, a birth mother going through her own trauma, more than once, who was herself making a horrifically difficult decision. When that birth mother changed her mind after giving birth, they had no legal rights or recourse. They also lost a percentage of the money they'd amassed when that attempt fell through in the 11th hour, because that's how the paperwork played out. They had gotten the call, driven from states away, etc. to learn that the birth mother had reconsidered, so they drove home with an empty carseat, to a nursery that wouldn't be used, gifts that wouldn't be given. All this, before a successful adoption.

It's not easy, it's not a sure thing, and it's not less costly. People need to give it a rest with the whole, "No kids? *snaps fingers* Just adopt! No problem! More people should do it!" thing. Really.
Adoption is like any other legal process. drawn out and costly.
I don’t think anyone was implying it was a Thanos snap solution, just that under the circumstances the OP is in that it might be a good option to look in to and consider.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-24-2019, 07:13 PM
 
17 posts, read 2,865 times
Reputation: 23
So true!!! Every word resonates... watch movies from the time and you get your exhibits A through Z... and maybe doubly true for Canadian women. We get less warm weather so come Summer... better run to the salon and get that "base coat"! We were told it would WARD OFF cancer, since bad SUNBURNS were the cause... and only lily white people got those! Therefore, multiple tanning sessions to avoid bad burns were ENCOURAGED! Sun creams was TO GET DARKER, not to block! F And about those women in their 50's who STILL tan? well, like you said, the damage IS done.... but also to more than their skin. They probably can't SEE themselves white anymore... They can't do much about the wrinkles but can makes themselves feel better psychologically, since they still see white as sickly. It's VERY hard to break this belief. VERY. (For anyone who's never been to Cote-D'Azur, France: ladies there are not just hyper brown, they're hyper thin... I say this with love: they look like scarecrows but walk SO proud... ouch).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-24-2019, 07:23 PM
 
17 posts, read 2,865 times
Reputation: 23
To TabulaRasa: thanks for sharing. Thanks to your friend. Adoption is even harder because a lot more people are involved: more processes, more emotions, more fees... it really is draining in all ways possible. And to the person that suggested it to: I'm adopted. It's not recommended for adoptees. And really... I doubt there is a soul alive that does not know the option exists. So I think that TabulaRasa is correct in assuming that it is too often spouted out like a "simpler" solution, and it's patronizing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top