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Old 07-17-2019, 09:42 PM
 
Location: USA
437 posts, read 1,048,405 times
Reputation: 208

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Me and this guy both are East Asians and 7 years back he sent me an interest via matrimony site (more like dating site). He was in west coast US and I was in mid-west back then, so we talked everyday over the phone for a month and video chatted once. He had promised me he will come meet me there, but later ghosted on me.

3-4 years later, I had received his interest again and I rejected it since I was still mad for him ghosting me. So now 7 years later, I get his interest again and after giving some thought, I decided to connect again thinking people change in 7 years, so why not and I had liked him back then. Also I too am in west coast in the same state as his with 6-7 hrs driving distance.

We have been talking over the phone mainly, on and off for last 3 weeks. On the first day, I learnt that he doesn't remember we connecting 7 years back and doing video chat. I reminded him everything and showed him the messages he had sent me. Also got to know that he lost his dad 3 months back and his mom is staying alone back in our home country. So, he says he likes me and wants to come meet me next month. He is very excited to connect back and says feels like destiny wanted us to meet again.

But problem is, he isn't spending much time with me. He mostly talks 10-15mins while driving from somewhere and will end the call once he reaches home. Only on Saturdays we talk for 30-45mins. He goes out with his roomies for entire day on weekends, watches sports for whole night and will sleep whole day over the weekend, so on Sunday no time for me other than 10-15mins. He is at a senior position at work now, so he says work keeps him super busy and he is spending more time talking to his mom, which I understand. Whenever he is free at home, he doesn't want to talk since his roomies are around and don't want them to hear us talking (he stays with 2 guys and he has shared their names and pics with me) and few times he did talk from home while they were around, but was just for a min or two and will behave as if I am just some regular friend. 2 weeks back we decided to meet last July-early August and he was gonna buy flight tickets as he doesn't like driving. Ticket prices hiked and he hasn't bought it yet, when I reminded him about it past weekend, he said he will buy it later or will drive if prices goes up.

We argued couple of times in last week, as I wanted to know why he just calls me for 10-15mins and mostly only while driving. He got annoyed thinking I am complaining and behaved as if I am being too needy. He talked for additional 5 mins in front of his roomies on Sunday, but after that since last 3 days, he just sends 1-2 texts (more like breadcrumbs) but doesn't call at all. I responded to his texts on Monday and yesterday, but not yet today as I am a bit annoyed and frustrated. Me calling him is also not an option since he wouldn't want to talk from home or while he is in office.

I understand he lost his dad, but what I don't understand is why would he be interested in connecting when he has no time or interest to talk. How can I deal with someone who is so busy? He is going to our home country end of next month to spend time with his mom and is going to stay there for 2-3 months.
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Old 07-17-2019, 09:44 PM
 
Location: Middle America
36,701 posts, read 41,980,792 times
Reputation: 50624
This seems like a waste of your time.
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Old 07-17-2019, 09:49 PM
 
54 posts, read 9,729 times
Reputation: 146
I'm not reading all this! To answer your title question, if they're ALWAYS too busy to connect then they don't really want to connect.
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Old 07-17-2019, 10:11 PM
Status: "Mr. C's ❤️" (set 7 days ago)
 
Location: Pacific Northwest
1,553 posts, read 697,726 times
Reputation: 3123
Quote:
Originally Posted by optimisticStar View Post
Me and this guy both are East Asians and 7 years back he sent me an interest via matrimony site (more like dating site). He was in west coast US and I was in mid-west back then, so we talked everyday over the phone for a month and video chatted once. He had promised me he will come meet me there, but later ghosted on me.

3-4 years later, I had received his interest again and I rejected it since I was still mad for him ghosting me. So now 7 years later, I get his interest again and after giving some thought, I decided to connect again thinking people change in 7 years, so why not and I had liked him back then. Also I too am in west coast in the same state as his with 6-7 hrs driving distance.

We have been talking over the phone mainly, on and off for last 3 weeks. On the first day, I learnt that he doesn't remember we connecting 7 years back and doing video chat. I reminded him everything and showed him the messages he had sent me. Also got to know that he lost his dad 3 months back and his mom is staying alone back in our home country. So, he says he likes me and wants to come meet me next month. He is very excited to connect back and says feels like destiny wanted us to meet again.

But problem is, he isn't spending much time with me. He mostly talks 10-15mins while driving from somewhere and will end the call once he reaches home. Only on Saturdays we talk for 30-45mins. He goes out with his roomies for entire day on weekends, watches sports for whole night and will sleep whole day over the weekend, so on Sunday no time for me other than 10-15mins. He is at a senior position at work now, so he says work keeps him super busy and he is spending more time talking to his mom, which I understand. Whenever he is free at home, he doesn't want to talk since his roomies are around and don't want them to hear us talking (he stays with 2 guys and he has shared their names and pics with me) and few times he did talk from home while they were around, but was just for a min or two and will behave as if I am just some regular friend. 2 weeks back we decided to meet last July-early August and he was gonna buy flight tickets as he doesn't like driving. Ticket prices hiked and he hasn't bought it yet, when I reminded him about it past weekend, he said he will buy it later or will drive if prices goes up.

We argued couple of times in last week, as I wanted to know why he just calls me for 10-15mins and mostly only while driving. He got annoyed thinking I am complaining and behaved as if I am being too needy. He talked for additional 5 mins in front of his roomies on Sunday, but after that since last 3 days, he just sends 1-2 texts (more like breadcrumbs) but doesn't call at all. I responded to his texts on Monday and yesterday, but not yet today as I am a bit annoyed and frustrated. Me calling him is also not an option since he wouldn't want to talk from home or while he is in office.

I understand he lost his dad, but what I don't understand is why would he be interested in connecting when he has no time or interest to talk. How can I deal with someone who is so busy? He is going to our home country end of next month to spend time with his mom and is going to stay there for 2-3 months.
No one's "too busy" if they're truly interested in you.
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Old 07-17-2019, 10:35 PM
 
Location: Worldwide
7 posts, read 1,690 times
Reputation: 19
Start looking for his replacement while you wait for his schedule to clear up.
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Old Yesterday, 02:23 AM
 
14,445 posts, read 17,392,595 times
Reputation: 11240
Married
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Old Yesterday, 03:13 AM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston/Tricity
38,085 posts, read 55,866,888 times
Reputation: 89926
Someone REALLY interested will always find time to meet and talk. He is not. He also seem to be engaged otherwise - married or dating/living with someone.
He calls you when he is bored, but he doesn't want to meet you.
It's 7 years now. Stop wasting your time thinking there ever will be something with this guy. It's not going to happen.
Move on with your life...
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Old Yesterday, 03:59 AM
 
668 posts, read 319,132 times
Reputation: 1406
7 years? Seriously.......
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Old Yesterday, 05:28 AM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston/Tricity
38,085 posts, read 55,866,888 times
Reputation: 89926
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mae Maes Garden View Post
7 years? Seriously.......
There are some very desperate people ...
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"No Copyrighted Material"
Moderated forums:
World, Europe, Texas, Corpus Christi, El Paso, Lubbock, Tyler, Houston, San Antonio, Tallahassee, Macon, Duluth, Fish, Home Interior Design and Decorating, Science and Technology Forums
.

Need help? Click on this: >>> ToS, Mod List, Rules & FAQ's, Guide, CD Home page, How to Search
Realtors are welcome here but do see our Realtor Advice to avoid infractions.
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Old Yesterday, 05:37 AM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
8,410 posts, read 9,157,087 times
Reputation: 13115
I always make time for that which is important. End of thread
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