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Old 07-18-2019, 08:38 AM
 
112 posts, read 24,477 times
Reputation: 143

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The girl I dated for several years is apparently moving on. She is finally after so much patience, giving up on my stagnation, aloofness, inability to move the relationship forward.

On paper, she's everything I could ever ask for. No baggage, wonderful family, honest, work ethic. The kind of girl who you walk next to and people wonder what she's doing with your dopey ass

However, ultimately I enjoy my time with her, but honestly not always. Sometimes I in fact don't enjoy her company at all and take steps to avoid being around her, leaving early or arriving late when I know she's not around. She could be gone for weeks for work and I am perfectly happy as punch without her around.

It sounds terrible, I know, and when she is not around I have fond feelings for her, but when I see her sometimes, she aggravates me or turns me off for one reason or another. The spark just isn't there. I wish it was. I sometimes just want her to go away or be on my own. And because of this, little things like her snoring or B.O. become magnified and gruesome.

I was very excited by the relationship at first, but the last few years have been no development. At times she is wonderful to be around, but it is hit or miss. Same goes for physical attraction. Sometimes I find her very cute and attractive, other times not at all. Seems to be 50-50 with everything.

My brain told me that I need to make it work, that I am ridiculous to expect more and all relationships are flawed. I've accepted these imperfect feelings because she is, by all other measures, a great catch. But something kept me from taking the next step, and I don't know how to change that. And now she's leaving. I probably could stop her, but something is keeping me from doing it. I am just kinda letting it happen. All rationality says, "this is a great catch you're passing on and it'll never come back", but is my inner voice telling me to let it go?

Ken from AZ
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Old 07-18-2019, 08:41 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,433 posts, read 41,976,963 times
Reputation: 83438
Quote:
Originally Posted by KenCopeland View Post
The girl I dated for several years is apparently moving on. She is finally after so much patience, giving up on my, stagnation, aloofness, inability to move the relationship forward.

On paper, she's everything I could ever ask for. No baggage, wonderful family, honest, work ethic. The kind of girl who you walk next to and people wonder what she's doing with your dopey ass

However, ultimately I enjoy my time with her, but honestly not always. Sometimes I in fact don't enjoy her company at all and take steps to avoid being around her, leaving early or arriving late when I know she's not around. She could be gone for weeks for work and I am perfectly happy as punch without her around.

It sounds terrible, I know, and when she is not around I have fond feelings for her, but when I see her sometimes, she aggravates me or turns me off for one reason or another. The spark just isn't there. I wish it was. I sometimes just want her to go away or be on my own. And because of this, little things like her snoring or B.O. become magnified and gruesome.

I was very excited by the relationship at first, but the last few years have been no development. At times she is wonderful to be around, but it is hit or miss. Same goes for physical attraction. Sometimes I find her very cute and attractive, other times not at all. Seems to be 50-50 with everything.

My brain told me that I need to make it work. I've accepted these imperfect feelings because she is, by all other measures, a great catch. But something kept me from taking the next step, and I don't know how to change that. And now she's leaving. I probably could stop her, but something is keeping me from doing it. I am just kinda letting it happen. All rationality says, "this is a great catch you're passing on and it'll never come back", but is my inner voice telling me to let it go?

Ken from AZ
Sounds like it.
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Old 07-18-2019, 08:46 AM
 
Location: Middle America
36,701 posts, read 41,991,338 times
Reputation: 50634
It sounds like attempting to convince her to not move on would be pretty selfish. You're not into being with her.
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Old 07-18-2019, 08:48 AM
 
Location: Florida
19,838 posts, read 19,937,680 times
Reputation: 23280
"Letting" her go is the only fair and honorable thing to do.
She deserves the chance to find someone that will appreciate what a catch she is.
If she knew what you're saying here, she wouldn't be just moving on, she'd be high tailing it and giving you the finger at the same time.
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Old 07-18-2019, 08:52 AM
 
141 posts, read 23,773 times
Reputation: 238
It sounds like you're not really into her, but feel you should be.

It's better to be alone than with someone you feel so lukewarm about.
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Old 07-18-2019, 08:55 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,133 posts, read 12,876,178 times
Reputation: 31525
Yes, let her go and be happy with someone who appreciates her.
You cannot MAKE yourself more interested in her, that's not how our mind works.
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Old 07-18-2019, 08:57 AM
 
112 posts, read 24,477 times
Reputation: 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
"Letting" her go is the only fair and honorable thing to do.
She deserves the chance to find someone that will appreciate what a catch she is

I think better said, someone who enjoys her company fully and with whom they share true chemistry!


I have found that the "on paper" points mean nothing ultimately. What is important most to a relationship, "Do you enjoy the other person's company? Are you attracted to this person?"



If the answer is "NO", what good is financial stability, loyalty, work ethic, good values, etc.?
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Old 07-18-2019, 08:59 AM
 
Location: Hartford CT
1,852 posts, read 2,053,490 times
Reputation: 3298
On paper she may be a great catch, but she may not be a great catch for you. OR maybe you're just not ready for something that serious with anyone. Maybe something more casual and laid back is more your speed now. You should definitely let her go, and try and figure out exactly what works for you and what you are really looking for when it comes to a relationship. And by the way, feeling how you feel does not make you a bad person or even wrong. Just because she is a great catch doesn't mean you have to date her, if for whatever reason you just aren't feeling it.
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Old 07-18-2019, 09:00 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,433 posts, read 41,976,963 times
Reputation: 83438
Quote:
Originally Posted by KenCopeland View Post

I think better said, someone who enjoys her company fully and with whom they share true chemistry!
Why quibble over wording when you freely admit that you didn't appreciate her, like old cold said?

Quote:
Originally Posted by KenCopeland View Post

I have found that the "on paper" points mean nothing ultimately. What is important most to a relationship, "Do you enjoy the other person's company? Are you attracted to this person?"

If the answer is "NO", what good is financial stability, loyalty, work ethic, good values, etc.?
I disagree.

The "on paper" points can serve as a wake-up call during times when your emotions drag you to the outer edges of tolerance. They're like a baseline.

But it doesn't matter because it sounds like you really weren't that into her, so yes moving on is the best for everyone.
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Old 07-18-2019, 09:01 AM
 
112 posts, read 24,477 times
Reputation: 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raptor76 View Post
On paper she may be a great catch, but she may be a great catch for you. OR maybe you're just not ready for something that serious with anyone. Maybe something more casual and laid back is more your speed now. You should definitely let her go, and try and figure out exactly what works for you and what you are really looking for when it comes to a relationship. And by the way, feeling how you feel does not make you a bad person or even wrong. Just because she is a great catch doesn't mean you have to date her, if for whatever reason you just aren't feeling it.

Thank you for saying that, as I'm seeing some responses above already with this energy that I am some bastard. I cannot help it if I am just not feeling it. Believe me, I so wished I did.
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