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View Poll Results: Which describes best what you are looking for in a mate?
Option 1 3 7.32%
Option 2 25 60.98%
Option 3 2 4.88%
Option 4 11 26.83%
Voters: 41. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 07-19-2019, 09:14 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,133 posts, read 12,892,023 times
Reputation: 31554

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
Actually, I should have clarified.

What I was thinking when I wrote Option #1 wasn't that you'd literally be going out with Brad Pitt or Elon Musk (unless that is appealing) but that'd you'd have the option to date the best looking and most 'successful' person that you desire, whether that be a celebrity or the man or woman in your social circle that is seen to be the 'best catch'.

I put celebrities in there as a token of peak status and physical attractiveness, but it didn't mean you'd necessarily have to live the celebrity life. It could be somebody really good looking and really successful who is relatively or completely anonymous.
okay, I still stick with not wanting that. Those people are usually high maintenance and think I need to kiss the floor they are walking on. Also, I had really good looking guys and no longer want that. I let them get away with everything because once they look at me, I melt and forget that they just walked all over me.
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Old 07-19-2019, 09:15 AM
 
288 posts, read 93,282 times
Reputation: 190
1
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Old 07-19-2019, 01:17 PM
 
Location: Eastern Washington
14,278 posts, read 44,996,220 times
Reputation: 12907
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
Right. I got that. I just feel like there is something about the "trophy spouse" concept that is off-putting.

I mean, I can think of men who have struck me as being exceptionally good looking in my own estimation, and I've rejected a few of 'em. I had a guy who was, by my standards, very wealthy, and who was frequently extravagant in giving me gifts and money, and it made me uncomfortable. These things just are not my preferred grounds for connection if the "friendship" element is lacking. Rich/beautiful men in particular make me uncomfortable for some reason. I think that I assume in the back of my mind that they've got a sense of entitlement and they won't respect my needs. I just don't choose them.

The celebrity I crush on is present-day (not Jurassic Park 1 era) Jeff Goldblum. The jazz pianist with the quirky style and the Daddy jokes. It's all about character.

Did his wealth and generosity in themselves make you uncomfortable, or did the lack of "friendship" do it, or was it something else?


You have posted about that before, I really don't understand turning down a richer, hotter guy for someone less rich and less hot. If, back in the day, I had the chance to date Ann or Nancy Wilson (Heart) - I would be like "Hell Yeah!". Rich, beautiful, and talented, what's not to like? Like the occasional last minute "promotion" to First Class back when I flew frequently - why would I turn that down?!



I have sort of been in that position, women turning away from me who I thought ought to be glad to be with me, I seemed to meet all their needs and push all the right buttons for a while, but, I think what was going on is that my fire breathing dedication to "child free" or some other aspect of intensity scared them off. That and the fact that unlike most men of lesser "g" factor, I can not be easily manipulated with food and sex.
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Old 07-19-2019, 02:01 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,133 posts, read 12,892,023 times
Reputation: 31554
Quote:
Originally Posted by M3 Mitch View Post
D That and the fact that unlike most men of lesser "g" factor, I can not be easily manipulated with food and sex.
I hate when that happens! Those men are so much easier to "handle." And I am actually like that, you can get anything from me if you feed me well and swing your wiener in front of me.
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Old 07-19-2019, 02:03 PM
 
Location: Colorado
11,936 posts, read 7,352,729 times
Reputation: 21452
Quote:
Originally Posted by M3 Mitch View Post
Did his wealth and generosity in themselves make you uncomfortable, or did the lack of "friendship" do it, or was it something else?

You have posted about that before, I really don't understand turning down a richer, hotter guy for someone less rich and less hot. If, back in the day, I had the chance to date Ann or Nancy Wilson (Heart) - I would be like "Hell Yeah!". Rich, beautiful, and talented, what's not to like? Like the occasional last minute "promotion" to First Class back when I flew frequently - why would I turn that down?!

I have sort of been in that position, women turning away from me who I thought ought to be glad to be with me, I seemed to meet all their needs and push all the right buttons for a while, but, I think what was going on is that my fire breathing dedication to "child free" or some other aspect of intensity scared them off. That and the fact that unlike most men of lesser "g" factor, I can not be easily manipulated with food and sex.
Best way I could ever figure out to explain the disconnect between he and I went to the "Love Languages" concept. I am a Words of Affirmation person, followed closely by Physical Touch and Quality time, with Gifts and Acts of Service trailing behind at the bottom. The man I was seeing had Gifts at the top, then Acts of Service, Quality Time, Touch, and Words were probably last. Like our priorities were opposite. So I would have a need to talk to him, and he's like "I'm busy this whole month and I can't talk to you." Wouldn't even make time for a phone call. I would drive way out to the country to see him, after he'd been saying and saying that he wanted to get together for sex soon, and I'd try to initiate something and he was like, "I really want to watch this episode of Longmire, right now." And then not really show any interest in intimacy the rest of the night. Dude, I didn't drive over an hour to watch TV.

So there were these little disconnects that were bugging me, right... And when I felt like he didn't really have time to maintain the relationship, but then he would like drop a thousand bucks in my bank account now and then, it felt like "Well you'll be happy if I just keep you bought, right?" I just wasn't in it for that. I need to feel more connected to a partner. And I don't need a guy's money, I have my own.

If our communication isn't good, and our sex isn't great (it was good, but not a 100% fit for my personal inclinations--AND not frequent enough for me)...looking good and giving me money and gifts just won't meet my needs. Present partner is not as desirable in our social groups, though in my eyes he is very sexy. I know that others don't see him as a "hot" guy. He's nerdy and quiet and socially awkward in groups, not very tall, stocky "Dad bod" build. But at home we connect perfectly. We like a lot of the same shows, movies, music, we enjoy board games, and there is no drama, no conflict, no stress (besides whatever life hands us, like health issues or whatever.) He doesn't make as much money as me, but he can handle his own expenses and he isn't a burden. Which is perfect. We split checks when we go out, and that is fine. I can afford my own expenses, too. But he SEES me and he GETS me. It feels like home in his arms. And the sex... Well it's incredible.

You say you can not be easily manipulated with food or sex...well, I can not be easily manipulated by looks or money. I'd much rather enjoy food and sex with my partner, than sit across the room counting the cash they threw at me while gazing at their statuesque beauty, in chilly silence. I'd rather have cake and snuggles, than diamonds and good looks. *shrug*
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Old 07-19-2019, 02:03 PM
 
Location: California
865 posts, read 235,351 times
Reputation: 2431
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
4. Every time, even if I have to go through a few of them to get to one that lasts awhile. No complaints, lifeís short.
Agree. It's so worth it to wait for the energy of #4. Someone you can truly feel excited about. Especially as a creative person, that kind of love really inspires me.
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Old 07-19-2019, 02:35 PM
 
754 posts, read 136,244 times
Reputation: 453
none of yall been married long obviously. give it 10 years and none of this will matter. you'll be sick of each other half the time regardless. just sayin
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Old 07-19-2019, 02:47 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 20 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,736 posts, read 3,705,613 times
Reputation: 19870
I think lots of people want #1 even if they won't admit it. These are usually the ones who remain single forever.
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Old 07-19-2019, 02:49 PM
 
7,489 posts, read 2,957,087 times
Reputation: 12417
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
I hate when that happens! Those men are so much easier to "handle." And I am actually like that, you can get anything from me if you feed me well and swing your wiener in front of me.
Thatís what you get with 4. Go back and change your answer.
Oh, I wanted to type something something weiner today, too.
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Old 07-19-2019, 02:52 PM
 
7,489 posts, read 2,957,087 times
Reputation: 12417
Quote:
Originally Posted by That_One_Girl View Post
Agree. It's so worth it to wait for the energy of #4. Someone you can truly feel excited about. Especially as a creative person, that kind of love really inspires me.
Right? Excitement and butterflies or Iím staying in to watch my killing shows on the ID channel.
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