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View Poll Results: Which describes best what you are looking for in a mate?
Option 1 3 7.32%
Option 2 25 60.98%
Option 3 2 4.88%
Option 4 11 26.83%
Voters: 41. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 07-19-2019, 03:00 PM
 
Location: So Cal
40,569 posts, read 40,064,988 times
Reputation: 41985

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1. it's a little too shallow for me for the long term.

2 and 3 are more practical and probably more realistic.

4. Meh, I think the "new" phase of a relationship has that already and it from a pragmatic point of view can't last long term. Doesn't seem realistic, especially when looking at it from a human survival evolution point of view.
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Old 07-19-2019, 03:12 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,133 posts, read 12,892,023 times
Reputation: 31554
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
Thatís what you get with 4. Go back and change your answer.
Oh, I wanted to type something something weiner today, too.
no, those guys I have this insane chemistry with, they usually have it with everyone else also or they are psychos or mentally ill. Just my experience. The better in bed, the worse character they have.
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Old 07-19-2019, 04:02 PM
 
Location: Colorado
11,936 posts, read 7,347,669 times
Reputation: 21452
Well, and I think of my case... My partner is 60 years old. So we've got MAD sexual chemistry right now, but he's no spring chicken and he ain't getting any younger.

Now he has said that one reason he was happy that I am open to polyamory and he agreed to leave a sort of "renegotiation clause" in our monogamish thing here...was that he worries that one day as he ages, he won't be able to satisfy me and he thinks it's completely reasonable for me to be free to get my needs met elsewhere if that is the case.

But personally, the very idea of leaving him lonely, home by himself, going off to a tryst with someone else... It doesn't matter if I have "permission." If it hurts his heart, I don't wanna do it. I'm kind of protective of his feelings. The idea of anyone or anything hurting him makes me upset. So it's like, we can talk about this or that, but the notion of doing it does not sit well with me. Obviously I can't see the future, but I really doubt I'll be fine with doing something like that.

But see, this is an argument for #2 over #4 in my thinking. Those memes about a best friend "helping you bury the body" or whatever, you know that person you would do anything for... I love this guy, and it's more than the sexual passion, though right now that's there too. I'm not gonna stop loving him, just because the sex part of our relationship simmers down. But to be honest, I don't expect that our intimacy will end just because of impediments to intercourse anyhow.
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Old 07-19-2019, 05:08 PM
 
7,489 posts, read 2,957,087 times
Reputation: 12417
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
Well, and I think of my case... My partner is 60 years old. So we've got MAD sexual chemistry right now, but he's no spring chicken and he ain't getting any younger.

Now he has said that one reason he was happy that I am open to polyamory and he agreed to leave a sort of "renegotiation clause" in our monogamish thing here...was that he worries that one day as he ages, he won't be able to satisfy me and he thinks it's completely reasonable for me to be free to get my needs met elsewhere if that is the case.

But personally, the very idea of leaving him lonely, home by himself, going off to a tryst with someone else... It doesn't matter if I have "permission." If it hurts his heart, I don't wanna do it. I'm kind of protective of his feelings. The idea of anyone or anything hurting him makes me upset. So it's like, we can talk about this or that, but the notion of doing it does not sit well with me. Obviously I can't see the future, but I really doubt I'll be fine with doing something like that.

But see, this is an argument for #2 over #4 in my thinking. Those memes about a best friend "helping you bury the body" or whatever, you know that person you would do anything for... I love this guy, and it's more than the sexual passion, though right now that's there too. I'm not gonna stop loving him, just because the sex part of our relationship simmers down. But to be honest, I don't expect that our intimacy will end just because of impediments to intercourse anyhow.
I get what you're saying, and the same as others who pick #2, but I've had the best friend thing, and I don't want to have sex with someone just like me. I'm of the Opposites Attract Camp, that helps in the magnetic attraction for me.

I also understand the excitement wears off with the fireworks, its not the roman candle, spleen splitters...whisker biscuits, ****** lighters, hoosker doos... hoosker don'ts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers...with or without the scooter stick...but it sure helps to see that animalistic spark of recognition in terms of receptiveness.

It's so individualized, there's no right answer, or reason to argue 4 over 2, its person-centered.
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Old 07-19-2019, 05:11 PM
 
Location: NNJ
9,605 posts, read 5,395,355 times
Reputation: 10525
Opt 2 for me. I married opt 3 and while I have no regrets, there have been problems (we are separated).

Dated Opt 4 on a few occasions... unforgettable.... but things just don't ever seem to work out in the long run.
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Old 07-19-2019, 05:14 PM
 
2,064 posts, read 1,309,430 times
Reputation: 10032
I have no intention of being with someone again in my life, but if a #2 comes along, I might reconsider.
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Old 07-19-2019, 05:41 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 20 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,736 posts, read 3,705,613 times
Reputation: 19870
I was always wary of a man who drove an expensive sports car; in fact, it was something of a turn off for me. I associate this with men who are trying too hard to get women into bed.

I've noticed a trend in dating that people over 30 who aren't homeowners yet are "discriminated against" in the dating pool. Why care if a single person is renting or owning a house? It doesn't mean they're financially insecure if they still rent. Houses are a lot of work for one person and some people just don't want that responsibility on their own.
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Old 07-19-2019, 08:34 PM
 
Location: Maryland Heights, MO
3,299 posts, read 7,017,728 times
Reputation: 2020
I think 2 would work for me.

Pretty certain my current relationship was based off 3, seemed logical. That has proven problematic 10 years in. We still work, especially in a tally. Sure plenty of folks would be jealous, wife is attractive, likes sports, works (teacher), we have two gorgeous kids, gorgeous home, 2 cats, 1 dog, and 3 cars (1 for the weekend)...Same time, the relationship is WORK!!!

I imagine having someone who has a more similar personality to me would make some of the relationship stuff easier, and provide greater fulfillment as we both challenge and push each other further...I tend to strive for improvement, and desire to strive for it...someone who shared that drive with me could be beneficial to both of us. And our sex drives might match
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Old 07-20-2019, 03:19 AM
 
Location: Ohio
622 posts, read 250,848 times
Reputation: 1531
I chose Option 2. I believe being best friends is the best option for a lasting relationship. However, a touch of Option 4 is sure nice to have too. Who doesn't enjoy those lustful feelings every time you are near a special someone?
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Old 07-20-2019, 06:36 AM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,662 posts, read 4,899,595 times
Reputation: 12588
Probably 4. That's really the only way for me to consider a relationship with someone. (Provided they really good traits as well.) I don't want to date someone for obligatory reasons or someone I have to convince myself to like. I don't think it's fair. Even if it does end in genuine love. Number 2 SOUNDS good in theory but I don't want to have to have someone grow on me either, it just sounds WAY too mediocre to me. I feel in life, we have to compromise and settle on a lot of things, and choose options we aren't SUPER happy about. Love shouldn't be one of them. If I don't feel strongly for you, I'm not going to be with you.
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