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Old 07-19-2019, 03:11 PM
 
1,220 posts, read 815,469 times
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How often do you get a sitter and just spend time together doing something fun? Yes your together a lot , but it's not the same as sharing intimate spontaneous moments together. I also agree that he would feel better about himself if he had a job, maybe he is going through some depression.
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Old 07-19-2019, 03:24 PM
 
6,783 posts, read 2,443,217 times
Reputation: 15582
And how often are you going out with friends? If it's more than once a week, I think it's problematic.
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Old 07-19-2019, 03:29 PM
 
Location: Ro cha cha, NY
3,086 posts, read 4,226,896 times
Reputation: 5406
Quote:
Originally Posted by That_One_Girl View Post
It's totally normal for people to see their friends without their spouses at times, so don't let him shame you for that. However, I do think if you're never including him at all, that could be hurtful. What about getting a babysitter and finding some things you can all enjoy together sometimes? Or what about family friendly activities like going to a lake, BBQing, etc?

Edit: Wanted to add I agree with the others he seems depressed and his unemployment is probably hurting him.
Agree. All the guys in my family have friends and encourage any significant other to have the same. I always see control signs with guys or girls who don't want their significant other to have friends. Not healthy at all. Let people spread their wings. People need friends. They also need to do things without their significant other.
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Old 07-19-2019, 03:29 PM
 
Location: Hampstead NC
5,611 posts, read 5,147,943 times
Reputation: 14150
Quote:
Originally Posted by adrimore10 View Post
I appreciate the blunt advise. You're right, my personal life is no ones business but mine and my partners, the sharing will stop. And you're right about his self-esteem. He has had friends in the past just not like me. He has always been a home body and doesnt like to drift from that. But yea, thanks for your input.
I think I was about your age when I realized that my husband did not appreciate the thought of me giggling with my girlfriends over his foibles and failures. But that does not mean that you don't need and deserve to spend time with women friends. just think before you share, and let him know that you get it.

Have you considered cultivating couple friends? Invite another family over on Sunday evening for dinner or get a sitter and play cards, or go bowling, or something. There has to be an activity so talking much isn't required for the socially awkward. And while you are with another couple make sure to say complimentary things about your husband or to your husband. No eye rolling and chastising him in front of other people. This is your opportunity to show your husband that your friends DO know you appreciate and respect him.
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Old 07-19-2019, 03:30 PM
 
Location: Boulder, CO
469 posts, read 149,074 times
Reputation: 892
"Sure, come along with me to lunch with my friends at Red Robin ... while I am eating, you can walk around the other stores and restaurants with a stack of resumes and fill out applications ... I'll get you a burger wrapped to go ..."


Were I him, contributing financially to the household would make the rest of the issues tiny by comparison.
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Old 07-19-2019, 03:49 PM
 
6,783 posts, read 2,443,217 times
Reputation: 15582
Quote:
Originally Posted by ADogNamedSam View Post
"Sure, come along with me to lunch with my friends at Red Robin ... while I am eating, you can walk around the other stores and restaurants with a stack of resumes and fill out applications ... I'll get you a burger wrapped to go ..."


Were I him, contributing financially to the household would make the rest of the issues tiny by comparison.

Who's to say he's NOT doing those things? OP didn't elaborate on the unemployment issue, and she wasn't complaining about him being lazy or unwilling to work. I would think if THAT was the case, she would've mentioned it.
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Old 07-19-2019, 03:55 PM
 
12,361 posts, read 13,637,415 times
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Everyone needs a little time away.

You both need a baby sitter every Friday night.
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Old 07-19-2019, 03:59 PM
 
Location: Boulder, CO
469 posts, read 149,074 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
Who's to say he's NOT doing those things?

"Were I him ..."
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Old 07-19-2019, 03:59 PM
 
Location: Ro cha cha, NY
3,086 posts, read 4,226,896 times
Reputation: 5406
Quote:
Originally Posted by That_One_Girl View Post
It's totally normal for people to see their friends without their spouses at times, so don't let him shame you for that. However, I do think if you're never including him at all, that could be hurtful. What about getting a babysitter and finding some things you can all enjoy together sometimes? Or what about family friendly activities like going to a lake, BBQing, etc?

Edit: Wanted to add I agree with the others he seems depressed and his unemployment is probably hurting him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post
Everyone needs a little time away.

You both need a baby sitter every Friday night.
Even lovers need a holiday, from each other......

Good song.
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Old 07-19-2019, 10:14 PM
 
5,305 posts, read 2,823,655 times
Reputation: 9724
I stopped reading at unemployed for 8 months... kick his ass off the couch and tell him to go deliver pizzas. Hes likely going through depression and needs a boost out of it.
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