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Old Today, 06:24 AM
 
6 posts
Reputation: 10

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Quote:
Originally Posted by elnina View Post
Are you sure he is getting divorced? Perhaps he just want you to be his only. A little amusement in his life no other men would touch.
This ALL is a mess from the beginning. Unreasonable expectations and lies. I wouldn't believe him a word he is saying...

If he demands that you take down your profile, you should demand to see his petition for divorce in the works.

Just FYI: I wouldn't count on that after his divorce he will stay and marry you. This doesn't happen very often.
I'm pretty sure that he is getting divorced but I don't have any actual proof so yeah it's definitely a possibility that he is lying. I have mentioned seeing the papers a few times but I have never followed through. I've been so busy always having to defend and explain myself that I haven't really had a chance to address it.
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Old Today, 06:26 AM
 
2,788 posts, read 2,026,214 times
Reputation: 2733
Quote:
Originally Posted by rci15 View Post
I apologize in advance for the long post so please try to bear with me My boyfriend and I have been struggling with an issue and I was hoping to get an outsider’s perspective. I was a sex worker when we met 7 months ago and he was one of my clients. He started to like me shortly after and wanted to start dating and I developed feelings for him as well so I decided to give it a chance. The one condition that he had was that he wanted me to quit my work. The idea to me was frightening because although I was planning on quitting in a year or two, this was my only means of income at that time as I was a single mom trying to support my son. I agreed to quit with the stipulation that I keep all my profiles active for a while until the relationship progressed and I knew and trusted him enough to take everything down. Now mind you, this was in the first month of dating. The only reason that I agreed to stop is because he said he would support me even though it wasn’t what I was making before and he did most of the time. We had issues off and on and he started to get angry that I wouldn’t take my profiles down in the next month or two. Two months after we started dating I sold my condo (not because of him) and started living in a place he owned and he broke up with me three times within a few weeks, the first time several days after I moved in which was two days before Christmas and then a few weeks later after he was staying at the condo with me he broke up with me another two times. He said it was because I wouldn’t take the profiles down and that I was holding onto that life. At this point, I no longer trusted him so I saw a client again a few days after we broke up because I thought it was over for good this time and my plan was to go back to work. We wound up getting back together but he didn’t know what happened completely as I lied and told him I went to meet the guy and couldn’t go through with it. Fast forward 6 months later and I finally told him the truth and he is very hurt and acting quite irrationally, drinking every day and trying to make me feel bad about my line of work among a lot of other things that I won’t get into. He keeps saying I cheated and he can’t trust me. I have been trying to explain to him that in the situation at that time, I no longer trusted him to keep supporting me and my son based on the events leading up to that day. We only knew each other a short period of time and I felt I already went beyond what most people would have done at that stage in the relationship. Am I wrong here? We do love each other very much and I want to get past this. He keeps saying I am cold and have no empathy for what I did. I do feel bad that I hurt him and have apologized many times but I don't know what else I can do beyond that.
I cannot make any determination whether or not you or your boyfriend are wrong because I cannot read your post.

This post is just a wall of text that cannot be read.

Please break up your post into paragraphs.
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Old Today, 06:29 AM
 
6 posts
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bevv View Post
So it is okay with him that he lied to you about his relationship, but not okay with him that you did and he is punishing you for it? With this additional information I would say the relationship is a totally lost cause.
He did tell me from the beginning that he was married and of course the same old story about them not being happy anymore and that he was going to get divorced. I did give him an ultimatum and told him that if she didn't move out that I was leaving him and he said she did but of course I am only going by his word.
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Old Today, 06:42 AM
 
5,218 posts, read 2,781,289 times
Reputation: 9581
Never quit your day job over a boy.
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Old Today, 08:01 AM
 
Location: South Bay Native
13,404 posts, read 21,968,394 times
Reputation: 23710
Quote:
Originally Posted by rci15 View Post
I apologize in advance for the long post so please try to bear with me My boyfriend and I have been struggling with an issue and I was hoping to get an outsider’s perspective. I was a sex worker when we met 7 months ago so in Mid-December and he was one of my clients. He started to like me shortly after and wanted to start dating and I developed feelings for him as well so I decided to give it a chance. The one condition that he had was that he wanted me to quit my work. The idea to me was frightening because although I was planning on quitting in a year or two, this was my only means of income at that time as I was a single mom trying to support my son. I agreed to quit with the stipulation that I keep all my profiles active for a while until the relationship progressed and I knew and trusted him enough to take everything down. Now mind you, this was in the first month of dating. The only reason that I agreed to stop is because he said he would support me even though it wasn’t what I was making before and he did most of the time. We had issues off and on and he started to get angry that I wouldn’t take my profiles down in the next month or two. Two months after we started dating so in mid-February I sold my condo (not because of him) and started living in a place he owned and he broke up with me three times within a few weeks, the first time several days after I moved in which was two days before Christmas how is this possible? Do they celebrate Christmas in February where you live? and then a few weeks later after he was staying at the condo with me he broke up with me another two times. He said it was because I wouldn’t take the profiles down and that I was holding onto that life. At this point, I no longer trusted him so I saw a client again a few days after we broke up because I thought it was over for good this time and my plan was to go back to work. We wound up getting back together but he didn’t know what happened completely as I lied and told him I went to meet the guy and couldn’t go through with it. Fast forward 6 months later six months after February puts us in August. are you a time traveler? and I finally told him the truth and he is very hurt and acting quite irrationally, drinking every day and trying to make me feel bad about my line of work among a lot of other things that I won’t get into. He keeps saying I cheated and he can’t trust me. I have been trying to explain to him that in the situation at that time, I no longer trusted him to keep supporting me and my son based on the events leading up to that day. We only knew each other a short period of time and I felt I already went beyond what most people would have done at that stage in the relationship. Am I wrong here? We do love each other very much and I want to get past this. He keeps saying I am cold and have no empathy for what I did. I do feel bad that I hurt him and have apologized many times but I don't know what else I can do beyond that.
Can you explain these obvious discrepancies in the timeline of your story?
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Old Today, 08:09 AM
 
6 posts
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by DontH8Me View Post
Can you explain these obvious discrepancies in the timeline of your story?
We started liking each other in October and were exclusive starting in November so depending on which way you look at it, I guess you could say it was 8 or 9 months.
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Old Today, 08:37 AM
 
10,605 posts, read 12,762,760 times
Reputation: 3885
I don't know if you are for real when you say he plans to get divorced, and you believed that. But I would never believe if someone told me that.
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Old Today, 08:42 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,441 posts, read 41,976,963 times
Reputation: 83471
Stop apologizing to him and break up for good.

You both went into this arrangement prematurely, and he is wanting to have his cake and eat it too.

Trust is gone. Nothing left but dependency. Move on.
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Old Today, 09:41 AM
 
275 posts, read 90,203 times
Reputation: 187
I don't know about "wrong" , sounds like young people problems. Bad bet (the worst) for a future to go with a married person. 30s is not that young, good you are learning this now. I'd suggest cutting your losses here and not going with anyone taken in the future.
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Old Today, 01:09 PM
 
Location: California
855 posts, read 233,855 times
Reputation: 2410
I don't really think either of you are in the wrong. This is one of those tough situations for which there is no instruction manual. Transitioning from sex work to regular work/life can be very tough. If you loved your work and it was something you wanted to do for life anyway, I'd say this guy probably isn't the one for you. There are men who are ok with their SOs being involved in sex work, just so you know. I've known porn workers who had partners outside the industry and who accepted that their partner was going to have sex with other people for work purposes. Not easy to find but it does exist, just like open relationships exist...

You seem to want to exit the industry anyway though, so that makes it a bit different. The biggest red flag I see here honestly isn't your sex work but the fact that he demanded you quit your job and let him support you when the relationship was so new. That shows he doesn't think things through very carefully because no rational person would make a promise like that to someone else that early on. He really has no idea how you two will get along long term or whether he will truly want to support you.

I think you need a plan to get out of the industry for YOU before you worry about a relationship. You need to think about what you want to do instead and get the ball rolling. Why wait two more years? If you want out, begin working on it now.

There's no easy answer as far as the relationship. If there's potential for a real deep and lasting connection here, it'll happen regardless. What you really need if you want to survive this and be a couple is a great deal of compassion and understanding for each other.
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