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Old Today, 04:33 AM
 
6 posts
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I apologize in advance for the long post so please try to bear with me My boyfriend and I have been struggling with an issue and I was hoping to get an outsiderís perspective. I was a sex worker when we met 7 months ago and he was one of my clients. He started to like me shortly after and wanted to start dating and I developed feelings for him as well so I decided to give it a chance. The one condition that he had was that he wanted me to quit my work. The idea to me was frightening because although I was planning on quitting in a year or two, this was my only means of income at that time as I was a single mom trying to support my son. I agreed to quit with the stipulation that I keep all my profiles active for a while until the relationship progressed and I knew and trusted him enough to take everything down. Now mind you, this was in the first month of dating. The only reason that I agreed to stop is because he said he would support me even though it wasnít what I was making before and he did most of the time. We had issues off and on and he started to get angry that I wouldnít take my profiles down in the next month or two. Two months after we started dating I sold my condo (not because of him) and started living in a place he owned and he broke up with me three times within a few weeks, the first time several days after I moved in which was two days before Christmas and then a few weeks later after he was staying at the condo with me he broke up with me another two times. He said it was because I wouldnít take the profiles down and that I was holding onto that life. At this point, I no longer trusted him so I saw a client again a few days after we broke up because I thought it was over for good this time and my plan was to go back to work. We wound up getting back together but he didnít know what happened completely as I lied and told him I went to meet the guy and couldnít go through with it. Fast forward 6 months later and I finally told him the truth and he is very hurt and acting quite irrationally, drinking every day and trying to make me feel bad about my line of work among a lot of other things that I wonít get into. He keeps saying I cheated and he canít trust me. I have been trying to explain to him that in the situation at that time, I no longer trusted him to keep supporting me and my son based on the events leading up to that day. We only knew each other a short period of time and I felt I already went beyond what most people would have done at that stage in the relationship. Am I wrong here? We do love each other very much and I want to get past this. He keeps saying I am cold and have no empathy for what I did. I do feel bad that I hurt him and have apologized many times but I don't know what else I can do beyond that.
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Old Today, 05:12 AM
 
10,605 posts, read 12,762,760 times
Reputation: 3885
Is he able to support you without you having to work? Even if he's not, in my opinion it would benefit you to get out of that kind of work completely, even before you think that you have done it enough for the financial reasons. The benefit of leaving that would be worth more than whatever financial reason you think that it brings.
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Old Today, 05:28 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,438 posts, read 41,976,963 times
Reputation: 83466
You both have done things "wrong."

You shouldn't have agreed to give up your only source of income for someone you had known about a month. And he shouldn't have asked you to.

You also didn't abide by the agreement you two had, and left your profiles up.

Then you moved in with him after only a few months. Is your son living there too??? This is quite a roller coaster for him to endure.

I would put a fork in this one. He had unrealistic expectations of taking a sex worker "off the market," and you don't trust each other. Without that, there's nothing.
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Old Today, 05:29 AM
 
6 posts
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Yes I agree and I've since quit for good but the issue that I am having is how it applies to our relationship. I think that was something that I needed to decide for myself and not his decision to make. He was well aware of what I did since that was how we met so he participated as well and I don't believe that you should expect someone you barely know to change their lifestyle for you when that was my only income at the time, regardless of if he agreed with it or not. You can't possibly know someone well enough at that point to make any long term decisions about your life for them. So that was what I was getting at
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Old Today, 05:35 AM
 
6 posts
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
You both have done things "wrong."

You shouldn't have agreed to give up your only source of income for someone you had known about a month. And he shouldn't have asked you to.

You also didn't abide by the agreement you two had, and left your profiles up.

Then you moved in with him after only a few months. Is your son living there too??? This is quite a roller coaster for him to endure.

I would put a fork in this one. He had unrealistic expectations of taking a sex worker "off the market," and you don't trust each other. Without that, there's nothing.

True, but I told him that I would take my profiles down through time once we got to know each other more and I trusted him. After two months of him breaking up with me, I no longer trusted him. Yes we've both done things wrong, I agree. I don't live there anymore and have since gotten my own place. The part that I left out is that he is currently still married and going through a divorce but at the beginning of our relationship he was still living with his wife even though he said they were not together anymore.
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Old Today, 05:39 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,438 posts, read 41,976,963 times
Reputation: 83466
Quote:
Originally Posted by rci15 View Post
True, but I told him that I would take my profiles down through time once we got to know each other more and I trusted him. After two months of him breaking up with me, I no longer trusted him. Yes we've both done things wrong, I agree. I don't live there anymore and have since gotten my own place. The part that I left out is that he is currently still married and going through a divorce but at the beginning of our relationship he was still living with his wife even though he said they were not together anymore.
So ... you know what red flags are, right?
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Old Today, 05:43 AM
 
Location: Texas
164 posts, read 44,042 times
Reputation: 337
Quote:
Originally Posted by rci15 View Post
I agreed to quit with the stipulation that I keep all my profiles active for a while until the relationship progressed and I knew and trusted him enough to take everything down.

s after I moved in which was two days before Christmas and then a few weeks later after he was staying at the condo with me he broke up with me another two times. He said it was because I wouldnít take the profiles down and that I was holding onto that life. At this point, I no longer trusted him so I saw a client again a few days after we broke up because I thought it was over for good this time and my plan was to go back to work. We wound up getting back together but he didnít know what happened completely as I lied and told him I went to meet the guy and couldnít go through with it. Fast forward 6 months later and I finally told him the truth and he is very hurt and acting quite irrationally, drinking every day and trying to make me feel bad about my line of work among a lot of other things that I wonít get into. He keeps saying I cheated and he canít trust me. .
During a time you were broken up with your boyfriend you had sexual relations with another man.. was that wrong or cheating? NO
You lied to him about the encounter... was that wrong? Yes
HE believes the encounter and the lying was wrong.
HE cannot get past that and cannot trust you.
Counseling might help, but probably not.
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Old Today, 05:48 AM
 
Location: Texas
164 posts, read 44,042 times
Reputation: 337
Quote:
Originally Posted by rci15 View Post
True, but I told him that I would take my profiles down through time once we got to know each other more and I trusted him. After two months of him breaking up with me, I no longer trusted him. Yes we've both done things wrong, I agree. I don't live there anymore and have since gotten my own place. The part that I left out is that he is currently still married and going through a divorce but at the beginning of our relationship he was still living with his wife even though he said they were not together anymore.
So it is okay with him that he lied to you about his relationship, but not okay with him that you did and he is punishing you for it? With this additional information I would say the relationship is a totally lost cause.
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Old Today, 05:59 AM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston/Tricity
38,094 posts, read 55,882,569 times
Reputation: 89945
Are you sure he is getting divorced? Perhaps he just want you to be his only. A little amusement in his life no other men would touch.
This ALL is a mess from the beginning. Unreasonable expectations and lies. I wouldn't believe him a word he is saying...

If he demands that you take down your profile, you should demand to see his petition for divorce in the works.

Just FYI: I wouldn't count on that after his divorce he will stay and marry you. This doesn't happen very often.
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Old Today, 06:08 AM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston/Tricity
38,094 posts, read 55,882,569 times
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Oh, BTW: is he married with children?
How is his attitude towards your child?
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