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Old 07-23-2019, 06:21 AM
 
3,253 posts, read 1,710,279 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
I know some people are way more conservative than me.....it's why I started the thread to see how the opinions would be split.....but kinda surprised so many more seem against it.......

I'm not very *conventional* sometimes...but I don't want a relationship that my Bf tells me I can't go celebrate with my BFF at her bachelorette party....& so...why would I want to control him from celebrating & supporting his friend on a special occasion? We are in a relationship...(that is kinda new)....we don't own each other......

It seemed like most people (including me) are OK with it. Not sure why you keep saying so many here are against it.


You do seem like you keep trying to convince everyone of how committed he is to you. No one said he's not.

 
Old 07-23-2019, 07:55 AM
 
3,865 posts, read 1,788,255 times
Reputation: 7636
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel View Post
It seemed like most people (including me) are OK with it. Not sure why you keep saying so many here are against it.


You do seem like you keep trying to convince everyone of how committed he is to you. No one said he's not.
That's the sense I get also. I'd add that there's nothing wrong with people being uncomfortable with their partner going to a bachelor (ette) party. If someone is uncomfortable with the idea of their partner being in such an environment, wouldn't do it themselves, and this discomfort is generally consistent with their values, then I see no reason to say they should feel different. I don't feel that way, but it's not my place to claim virtue at the expense of someone who does feel that way.
 
Old 07-23-2019, 08:32 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,672 posts, read 42,301,907 times
Reputation: 84198
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12 View Post

... it's not my place to claim virtue at the expense of someone who does feel that way.
Yes.
 
Old 07-23-2019, 08:48 AM
 
Location: Colorado
12,092 posts, read 7,423,892 times
Reputation: 21730
Also, having discomfort about something like this, doesn't mean it's because you are "conservative." Or uptight, traditional, whatever.

I mean...some of the things that I get up to, with and without my partner, would blow your mind. I won't get into all that. But like I recently marched in a Pride parade with the Leather Contingent. So... Definitely not "conservative."

But do I have some discomforts about the idea of my boyfriend going to a strip club? Yeah. I do. And I am not gonna lie about that, in order to seem agreeable or cool, I can be honest with myself and with others. I trust him, it's not about trust. It's my own personal baggage from childhood and from life. From all the times I watched some stand up comedian or a lifetime of TV personalities talking about the wife as this nagging ball and chain. From my parents acting forever disappointed in me. I feel like, if you are not enthusiastic about being in my company, then let me hecking leave. I'd rather be on my own or find others who, even for short periods of time, are actually HAPPY to see me, than be like...*sigh*...ok I guess we can have sex...the old ball and chain...someone who is bored or unenthusiastic about me. All the fire has worn off. But then he goes to a strip club and eyes are wide and sparkling, he's all excited, it's like he's in a world of joy and wonder. It makes me feel like novelty is exciting and special, and I'm crap. Even if he says he loves me, and wants to be with me forever...well why though? I don't want to be the boring, safe, comfortable old raggedy couch of a person. If I don't feel like I'm getting any of that enthusiasm anymore, I'm going to want out. Or at the least I will want an open relationship so that I can go get it somewhere, if my partner won't give it to me.

But all of that is spoken from a very EMOTIONAL place. I'm describing how I feel. Not what I think. If that makes any sense? I think that different people can experience jealousy and such in different ways for different reasons. I believe that these sorts of things usually are pushing a trigger button that was implanted into our minds probably many years before we ever met our partners. Unlike most people, I'd handle outright non-monogamy more easily than this. I just don't like feeling that I am less exciting than a fantasy, something that it is physically impossible to measure up to in some way. That I've become part of the mundane daily landscape, about as exciting as my lover's morning commute to work.
 
Old 07-23-2019, 09:06 AM
 
Location: Toronto
347 posts, read 78,563 times
Reputation: 287
All you trying to 'control' your men, it will come back to bite you back one way or another, in terms of suffocating him, or reducing him being able to take his own initiative later on when let's say you have kids. I've seen it happen many many times. Basically, "you're just digging your own grave".

The best way is through genuine influence and having complete trust, not distrust, constrainment and possessiveness.

Prime example is, one friend, his wife is jealous and insecure beyond belief. He caves in to avoid the fight. Basically, a walking punching bag. Since they've had their kids, he just does the minimal and plays his video games when he gets the chance. The son, who is 5, has major ADD issues because he takes the easiest way out i.e. give him the tablet. His wife complains why he's not engaged, when he's clearly 'checked-out' due to him getting into trouble for many little things she perceives as not honorable, so he copes by just being static. This includes any sort of non-work related conversation with women at work (he's in an office job at a big bank).
 
Old 07-23-2019, 09:09 AM
 
Location: Texas
43,667 posts, read 52,957,274 times
Reputation: 71081
Your prime example was a loser before the woman ever got her hands on him.

I do not advocate any couple trying to control each other, but give me a break. Grown ass men and women strong in themselves don't "cave" into lazy, adolescent idiots.
 
Old 07-23-2019, 09:18 AM
 
18,598 posts, read 20,453,804 times
Reputation: 27361
My wife trusts me to go and not stray. I personally find bachelor parties pretty idiotic. Same with strip joints. Been to both with buddies who just had to go or have one but never cared for the atmosphere.
When I got married I didn’t have a bachelor party. Haven’t been to a bachelor party or strip joint in 18 years.
 
Old 07-23-2019, 09:25 AM
 
6,873 posts, read 2,475,798 times
Reputation: 15764
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
My Bf & I usually spend most weekends together.....except sometimes on Friday nights we both go out with our friends ..(all together or separate). Tonight is the first Saturday night we aren't together....he is at a bachelor party for a very good friend of his. When a friend of mine heard this, she couldn't believe this was Ok with me......I didn't think that much of it.

How would you feel?

My husband has been to a couple of batchelor parties since we've been together. Neither of them were a big deal to me. One of them was for his nephew, and it was a camping trip. Except for the fact that my husband had too much to drink and tripped over a log in the dark, and cracked a rib...no big deal.


The second one was for his son. A bunch of guys rented a party bus, and they went to the east side and went to a strip club. He went in the strip club for a little while, but then he and some of the other guys decided to wait it out back on the party bus. Again...not a big deal to me. My husband has never given me any red flags to indicate I shouldn't trust him. So...I do. Trust him.
 
Old 07-23-2019, 09:34 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,672 posts, read 42,301,907 times
Reputation: 84198
Quote:
Originally Posted by blistex649 View Post

All you trying to 'control' your men...
Who are you talking to?
 
Old 07-23-2019, 09:54 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
14,939 posts, read 12,382,145 times
Reputation: 26545
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
He said he would have rather been with me...& ofc I am going to defend him (& me)......'

E D I T: AND...having a passionate relationship & knowing he loves me is why him going to a bachelor party for his best friend doesn't bother me.......it shouldn't bother other people either.....
Have you ever been to a bachelor party?? If I was a woman, I wouldn’t be comfortable letting my man go to one with “strippers”. lol

Not being comfortable and not letting him go are two different things. Ignorance is bliss.
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